Lack of sleep with a baby, so worried, can anyone help me with these questions?

[Hjuu]

I’m on my own literally. I hear horror stories of lack of sleep. Im really worried as I have anxiety and lack of sleep makes it so so so much worse.

Should I try and get some help in so I can sleep? Im extremely worried about it and feel like I will be unable to cope if I’m genuinely sleep two hours a day

It won't be two hours a day, but might be just two hour spells. Cumulatively more though!

I think it totally depends on your baby and how you're feeding it. Also how you feel after birth.

I just breastfed so the first few months were very tough, no respite and to be honest I'm not sure how I would have coped without my partner and mum helping in the days (my mum rented a neighbours granny flat for a couple of months, but I appreciate I am very lucky). My baby still doesn't sleep well at ten months but I've adjusted, other people's babies were a lot better after 3/4 months.

I'd say if you can afford it definitely consider getting help in. Think about what you would like though - you get nurses who can help in the first few weeks (I'm not sure what they're called, night nurses maybe) or if you don't want that even a cleaner (ask if they can help with laundry etc) could make a huge difference just to help you keep on top of things. And ready meals or something easy to cook.

But you'll manage to muddle through however, but if you can put money towards it it'll be easier. Good luck!

@OM82 thanks I can’t reallt envisage it like what help did you have in the day? And how did it help? I was hoping to just sleep when I could at all times. The only help I have is evening hot meal delivered.

Babies vary hugely. Some sleep well others sleep terribly. You tend to hear the horror stories more on MN obviously as those are the ones seeking advice!

It might help ease your anxiety to have a plan for if your baby is struggling with sleep.

Do you have any money to throw at it? If so then my suggestions would be:

• A lactation consultant visit if you are BF. Or different bottles/formulas if you are FF. A lot of baby sleep issues are related to feeding issues.
• A sleepyhead or similar
• the number of a good night nanny (but this is very ££)

If you end up in the dreaded “awake every hour” cycle (often happens around 4/5 months if baby has got used to feeding or rocking to sleep) then controlled crying type sleep training is a good option IMO - far better than an exhausted solo parent which is unsafe.

Babies vary.
IMO experience bottle fed do tend to settle into a better pattern easier , but that's just my experience .
I had 4.. two were ok sleepers, one was bad, one was dreadful. In the end, on my knees with exhaustion we did controlled crying... and within 3 nights she was sleeping through.
My DD2 now has a baby.. breastfed.. (well toddler now) he was up pretty much every 1.5 hours from birth until a month ago... wanting feeds in the night (didn't need them!), wanting them sleeping with him. My DD2 and her dh were broken by it..both back at work full time too. She went for gentle controlled crying... went in, settled, left. First night he cried a LOT. Second night..much less. And now, finally at 16 m, he is popped in bed and sleeps through!!! DD2 wishes she had done it earlier now because she finally feels human again!

Some babies settle themselves easily... others don't. Some are naturally easy ..others not so much. BUT you have to do what keeps you sane. If breastfeeding is great... do it. If bottle feeding helps them sleep better ..do it (or mix feed).
The first few months are hard..really hard.. no matter what because tiny babies are relentless, but once they are past 6 months you CAN work on getting them to sleep better!

And rope in any and all help that you can!!

They're all different and it varies so much, my first was not a fan of sleep and I was alone bar a partner that was rarely home and when he was he was more hindrance than help, and zero funds.

I threw all my expectations in the bin, if we got through a day in one piece we were golden. I had all these ideas about pushing a pram in the autumn sun with shiny hair and a cooing smiling baby. Reality was at some points, if I had a five minute shower every three days I was really winning!

Cover the basics, screw the rest. So, make sure you have eaten, and have food in for yourself, pay the bills on time. Sleep/rest when you can, which is the most infuriating advice ever! If you go beyond tired and into wired it can be hard to switch off, but closing your eyes and lying down with a meditation is a good second. Look into cribs that attach to the side of your bed.

There are supermums out there with babies that sleep that will be out there immaculately groomed ticking off baby sensory, baby swimming, baby trips to the zoo... hats off, I was not one of them! Don't pressure yourself to perform, be kind to yourself and you'll both be ok x

Well we have a dog that needs a couple of hours walking a day so my mum helped with that (I had a tough recovery from a cesarean so couldn't walk him for two months - that's unusual though!). So my mum helped with that, laundry, cooking. Getting a hot evening meal will be a huge help, otherwise it can be easy to exist on rubbish food - I ate way too many cup a soups the first months.

A lot of babies like to held a lot initially so you might struggle to sleep while they do, so having someone to hold them while you nap is very handy.

As other people have said reduce all your expectations about anything beyond survival helps too. If you can do more, great, if you can't then don't beat yourself up about it!

Both of mine have slept fine. As newborns they slept 20 hours a day! You just kind of adapt to a different sleeping pattern and make the most of being able to nap in daytime along with them. Don't panic!