I'm just so sick of my life.

[TakeABowSheila]

I had an abusive childhood, emotionally and physically.

When I got my own place (council) I had a baby straight away with my partner of 4 years. I was 20 when DS was born.
I was so happy. He loved me, I was his little world and he was mine. I was absolutely addicted to the feeling of being a mother.
I had several children in quick succession.
DH had a normal retail job, we got by.

My mental health just kept declining and when we got to about 30 DH fell ill physically. He was unable to work and that made his mental health suffer. He spiralled and developed alcohol deoedancy. I wouldnt say alcoholism, but it was an issue.

I'm now nearly 40 and I am so sad. I'm still in the same house. My MH is worse than ever. DH and I fight because we are just in eaches spaces 24/7. We live each other so much but we are poor, sick, bored and unstimulated.

I've been having therapy for my anxiety but it's not been helping.
He stopped drinking 4 weeks ago but he's still very on edge about it.

I just feel like biggest loser in the world.

I want to change my situation but that can only change through working and earning more money than being on benefits and that's impossible.

I can't work. My homework for therapy this week is 'take the dog round the block, alone' That's how bad I am.

And even if I could work a basic retail job if have to pay rent, council tax etc... So would be worse off.

I just feel like scum.

I don't know what to do.

I'm even scared of doing voluntary work as I think it will be used against me by DWP

That sounds tough OP - have you thought about going back to college & training?

I couldn't.

My anxiety is so bad. I wouldn't make it to an interview even.

Like I said my homework is to try and walk the dog on my own because thta a huge, scary thing to me. So my therapist is trying to encourage me to leave the house alone. College would be too overwhelming

I just feel like a freak

You are not scum you are feeling trapped by your circumstances. You must try to continue to get through your anxiety therapy it's the key to everything.
The volunteer work if it's not fulfilling you move on to something that might.
Take every bit of support you can to get up on your feet.
Once you can get out more you can build a world you want to be part of.
Complete a course even if it's a free online course human beings are like sponges we soak up what's around us make it positives as much as possible.
Look after yourself you owe it to yourself.

It sounds like you are ready to start moving forward but need to prioritise your mental health and not push yourself too far, too soon.

Make the therapy you are having your number one priority for now as that is what will allow you to make progress.

Perhaps you could consider doing some online courses…Google Digital Garage is excellent and could enable you to learn skills that would allow you work from home.

There is also an organisation called Learning Curve who offer a range of free online courses in all different subjects.

Maybe volunteering could be something you could consider once your anxiety is under control.

When (not if 😉) you’re managing that with ease, then consider contacting the DWP with the support of your GP or therapist so that your challenges are known are respected. They can actually be very helpful and offer a lot of support and guidance when you’re ready.

Good luck!

You say you can't go to college or study or work due to your mental health but you may find it helps. Being in a routine, having purpose, being around people and the vibrancy of a college or work might just be what you need.

You are someone who needs to be kinder to themselves. You have raised children and held a relationship together under difficult circumstances. Like someone else says I think you need to try and find something you can focus on from home. A course, a hobby that might one day then into a job ect.

It is great that people who need financial support are helped. The trouble is with the current system it doesn't give people much of an incentive to help themselves where they don't see that getting better and working can improve their lives.

Whilst it might not improve your lives much financially the independence of being less reliant on benefits and having a life out of the home would probably do your mental health the world of good. I know you can't manage it yet but please don't lose hope and think it always has to be like this. Things can change.

Can I just give you a hug? A big hug. You are worth hugging.

And, you are worthy of admiration. You hung on in. You're still here, still trying. And still ambitious!

Keep up with the therapy. When your course runs out, after a pause sign up for another. I can't remember whether I had ten or twelve series of therapy, but I do know that I'm significantly better now.

Your life experiences haven't put you in a position to work now, or to buy a house. That isn't because you aren't worthy of those things or wouldn't want to do them. People's lives are different. Don't compare, just think of your own situation, as it is in this moment. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have family? Those are good things. Focus on 'this moment now'.

Anxiety is horrendous. I know. I'm still waiting for strength to open the mail, address the household accounts (years later. And I'm 'well'). You walk that dog, and know that's enough for now. You aren't a freak. The many other women in similar positions are with you. We stand together (but hidden in the house because... you know!). 💐

Can you break down your homework into smaller steps?

Front gate and back.
Front gate turn left past two houses and back
Then try the right side.

Then a bit further.

You aren't a loser, and you aren't scum.

Things can change, however much it might not feel that way now. In 5 years things can be completely different.

I can hear how anxious you feel and how scary getting a job or going to enrol on a course must feel right now.

How about you have a look at online courses? That way it takes the pressure of having to go somewhere to do it off you for now while you work on your anxiety. It doesn't matter what the course is as a starting point, so just look for something that you feel looks interesting. There are free courses online if you search, and it can just help to give you the push you need to get started as sometimes it's hard to know where to start, but every little step is a step forward. x

You sound like a lovely, self aware person and I'm so sorry that circumstances in your life have left you feeling so low.

It really sounds as if you've had enough and want some positive change in your life and I think that's a massive first step. Inevitably it will feel overwhelming because there it feels like there is such a big gap between where you are now and where you would like to be.

I've recently had cancer and for the first time in my life I was forced to take one day at a time, but actually it was quite a liberating lesson. I guess what I am trying to say is that rather than worrying about the future too much just focus on the small positive changes you can make on a daily basis, keep putting one foot in front of the other and in no time you will surprised how much progress you've made.

It's very easy to judge yourself when you are in therapy as I think we are programmed to have all sort of prejudices against mental illness but as someone who has had a lot of therapy I would say what is important now is to try and block out all the other noises in your head and focus on therapy and the goals you are aiming for. This week it is walking the dog round the block so make it a priority that you do this at least once. Don't worry about what anyone else in the world is doing, let them crack on with their lives, you have made a contract with a therapist and right now, in service to your wellbeing, this week you will walk the dog. Don't talk to anyone else about this goal, it is just between you and your therapist. If you already have talked about it that's fine, but maybe try and direct future conversation about it to therapy. Try and honour your own therapy and process. You are doing a brave thing by opening up in therapy. It is bloody hard work and most people can't and won't do it. So just allow yourself to take small steps and don't worry about the bigger picture for now.

Online courses might be a good fit for you? Doesn't have to be with an aim to finding work necessarily. You could find something that interests you to keep your mind busy and completing it could give you a much needed confidence boost.

Sounds like you are doing a pretty good job really given everything you have been through.