How to change opinion?

[Esteemed]

I should start by saying I have always had a low opinion of myself… how I look/what I deserve etc so people take advantage of my nature as I struggle to say no through fear of them being disappointed in me.

When I read about people who have decided to embrace and accept their body, I’m always intrigued. How do I even go about doing this?

I’m not overweight, actually think I’m classed as underweight and have been diagnosed with disordered eating and body dysmorphia in the past. Every time I look in the mirror, I’m unhappy and immediately point out the flaws - there’s nothing I can think of that I like.

I did have therapy for anxiety but was discharged after 5 sessions as there was nothing more she could do for me.

How do I love myself and my body? I don’t want to be so shallow but it’s really getting me down.

Sorry not sure I have any easy answers and I know therapy isn't a quick or easy fix but maybe worth going back to your GP and/or seeking out another therapist, perhaps one that specialises in body issues/disordered eating - with the big rise in online counselling in recent years it has become easier to find more specialised people as you don't have to stick to your local area?

One thing that people I know with similar issues have found helpful is getting into a sport/exercise that they really enjoy, as that can help you see and 'connect with' your body (sorry icky phrase but you know what I'm getting at) as something that achieves positive things you can be proud of, something to be worked on and developed with an end in mind that isn't just about appearance if you see what I mean? It doesn't matter what sport per se, running, weight lifting, dance, hiking, yoga, horse riding, whatever you find fulfilling really? Exercise, particularly something outside can have a lot of other mental health benefits as well, and can sometimes (depending on what you do) be a social thing as well which is often useful. You do have to be careful though that if you are an obsessive/anxious type of person you don't just transfer your disordered thinking to the sport and become unhealthily fixated just on something different so that's why it would be good to combine it with some therapy just to help keep you in a more positive mindset?

I found that taking up running and weights helped me appreciate my body better. Not just the improved tone and posture aspect making it objectively better; but really learning to recognise how important our physical and mental health is and appreciate what a strong, healthy body can achieve and taking pride in accomplishing things with it. You start to think in terms of your body as you; whereas when you dislike the way you look it’s often in a somewhat removed “this isn’t the real me” feeling.

It takes practice to start thinking in a new way, and it takes the realization of what your old/current habits of thought are too.
It's easy to get caught up in how you 'should' be/think/feel. Your thoughts about yourself and your body are a choice (Even though it feels like objective facts, often it's not, just habitaty thoughts offered up by your brain, because it got used to offering them unchecked/unchallenged). Ladder thoughts help. It can be difficult to go from 'I hate my body' to 'I love my body' so maybe there is a thought that is easier to get behind. There are some good examples on smoothstonescoaching.com/ladder-thoughts

I have found the model on thelifecoachschool.com is v useful (and the podcast is free) for things like this.

Its important to notice how you frame things to yourself, for example you have equated feeling good about your body with being shallow. But is it shallow? Is it wrong to want to feel nice about your body, after all it's the only one you'll ever have. Why not spend your time feeling really great about it (and not feeling like this is wrong or shallow in any way) it's not like it hurts anyone else for you to feel good does it?

I spent a lot of time feeling bad about my body in the past, but now feel happy with it. The answer (for me anyway) started in my mind and noticing the mean thoughts I had about myself. Just because your brain offers the thought 'I have a horrible body' does not mean that the thought is true. It does not mean that the thought cant be replaced in time with practice by healthy, happier thoughts too.

Also, eat healthy food. It does make a difference to how you feel and how your body functions (you are literally made out of the food you eat). I reccomend nutritionfacts.org/ as an excellent place to find evidence based dietary advice. (Spoilers: plant based is the upshot).
I hope this helps and I wish you all the very best in your journey towards loving / feeling great about your body. After all you have already started the journey by expressing a desire to change your current way of thinking. (And that bit is half the battle).

Thank you all so much, your advice is so helpful. I’m taking notes and plan to implement these tips