What do I do about my wedding ring?

[Heartrate]

Inspired by another thread but different circumstances.

I've been widowed 18 months. Life has changed immeasurably in that time. I've definitely found out who my friends are and my social circle has changed a lot.

There are a handful of single men who've been "there" for me. So far no moves have been made, they've been good and kind, fun to have an evening out with, nothing inappropriate.

Maybe that's because they're not interested in anything else, but also, I suspect, it could be that they're waiting for a signal from me that "it's time".

I feel that wearing the ring protects me from unwanted advances, but might also be stopping things developing naturally with some nice people iyswim.

OTOH changing things in these friendships could be a disaster and things better left as the are anyway.

Taking the ring off seems like a big decision and I also worry how it will look to (young adult) DC, although I may be over thinking and they wouldn't even notice. My dad would definitely notice and probably disapprove, but in his mind I seem to have gone back to being a teenager who should never have anything to do with men ever! And here I am still worrying about his approval....(He's amazing and supportive, I don't know what I'd have done without him these last months, but that has always been an issue for me.)

You can swap it to your right hand, which I believe is what widows used to do in olden times? That way you're starting to ease it off, iyswim, rather than making a big statement.

Do you feel ready for things to develop with anyone? I would say be very careful at this point, it's still very early and not sure if dipping your toe in the water with men you already know is ideal - it's hard to back out of that and preserve the friendship if you're actually not ready or things don't work out.

Taking it off after a year seems pretty standard to me. You can keep it on your dressing table where you can see it every day.

You still have a lot of life left, and I am sure your husband would want you to get on with the next chapter. Your kids sound fine, your Dad is just being a dad. Have an explanation ready - I’m keeping it by my bedside where I can always see it, I wish DH was still here, but he isn’t so I need to move onto the next stage of my life now, which is what DH would have wanted. Don’t engage beyond that.

Does it? The widows I've known seem to wear them forever, although they've been elderly when their husbands died.

Oh the other thing is (sorry bit of a drip feed) I think it will have to be cut off.

I’m sorry for your loss. I’m not sure people who know you and your situation will actually notice the absence of a wedding ring or which hand it’s on. Other signals may be required if you want to give them.

Why not wear your ring on a chain around your neck? It's a gradual phase but still shows the importance to you.

If you can manage to get it off. You could use the the fact that it needs resizing as a reason for taking it off, whilst you decide what to do with it. Maybe wear it on a chain, or put it somewhere visible that you can always see it, or pass it on to your children.

There are plenty of tricks to try to get it off. Soapy wet hands, winding a thread of cotton around your finger and then sliding the ring over it. Google it or look on YouTube.

Most importantly, only do what you are ready for. If you want to keep wearing it then do that. If you feel like you need to take it off to start the next chapter of your life that is ok too.