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Original poster

Am I expecting too much of my 9 year old?

26 replies

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 17:45

He’s normally pretty reasonable and at times can be very empathetic to how somebody might be feeling.

The situation is like many people, we’re not seeing our weekly food budget go as far as it used to. DS loves chilli and I’ve seen the quality of mince I can afford really go down. I talked to him and our other two children about how for nutritional reasons and also budget, I’m going to start substituting mince for lentils in things like chilli and shepherds pie.

He’s just refusing to try it - it’s not even finished cooking yet. I’ve used the exact same seasoning and tomato’s and everything is exactly the same. I got really disheartened and privately sat him down away from the younger two, and explained how things are more expensive at the moment and the quality of food we were getting wasn’t great and I wanted to make sure I was feeding my family healthy options that I could afford. But his reaction was really getting me down and I needed him to please just open his mind and give it a try. That I was trying my best to keep the things he loves - he LOVES chilli - but I was running out of options.

I know he’s just a kid and they can get funny about changes but just…I feel so down about everything. Like so many people, it feels like we’re just existing, not actually living. Everything is so hard.

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 22/08/2022 17:51

I would just put it down on the table for everyone. Don't make a fuss or really mention it.
If he doesn't eat much, fair enough one meal won't harm him. But I wouldn't fix him a different dinner.

mac1974 · 22/08/2022 18:03

Could you not just buy less mince but bulk it out with lentils & not tell him he probably wouldn't notice.

Original poster
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 18:06

Yeah I probably shouldn’t have made such a big deal of it. They would have noticed it was different though so I wasn’t sure how to play it.

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UWhatNow · 22/08/2022 18:08

Your mistake was the overblown explanation. Just put the food on the table. That’s tea. Take it or leave it. Stop pandering.

Middledazedted · 22/08/2022 18:09

Very empathetic means he starts worrying about money and somehow it’s the lentils fault. Substitute with a cheap veggie fake mince and tell him it’s the normal one then add in a few lentils. He is only 9 and it is hard. I am horrified by the shit show we are in. I can’t break even either. It’s shit.

thunderandsunshine01 · 22/08/2022 18:09

I think if it’s his favourite then keep as is. Could you try listing your regular dinners on a piece of paper for him and asking him to pick at least 3 he would be happy to substitute for cheaper alternatives?

Also, have you thought about quorn mince and just not telling him? Works out cheaper than real

AffIt · 22/08/2022 18:13

I think you're putting an awful lot on the shoulders of a nine-year-old here.

If he's 'very sensitive', then you're worrying him unnecessarily.

Just put it on the table, this is dinner. It's fine.

LizzieSiddal · 22/08/2022 18:14

Aww that’s hard for you and him! I do think you’ve over explained it to him, he shouldn’t know things are really hard for you at 9.
Also as it’s his favourite meal no wonder he’s upset. Could you maybe tell him you’ll make a normal one with mince next time? (Just put less mince in it and let them have more spaghetti.)
For tonight would he try it if it was smothered in tomoto sauce? I know thanks not healthy but at least he would have eaten something.

Original poster
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 18:14

I’m not keen on meat substitutes and the quality of mincemeat we could afford was massively going down - the food I was making was getting really really fatty.

So. He just came in an apologised for making such a fuss and that he wanted to go and try a mouthful before dinner. So we did and he said it was great in a very earnest kind of way. My heart wants to burst. He’s so sweet. The other two followed his suit and I don’t know what’s happened but they’re all enthusiastically ploughing through it. Tbf with the rice and the cheese, it’s pretty much exactly the same.

I feel so emotional about this. Things are so hard and I battle between shielding them from it or crediting them with a bit more emotional intelligence and letting them know we all need to pull along together.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 22/08/2022 18:15

I meant Tomato ketchup rather then sauce.

LizzieSiddal · 22/08/2022 18:16

He does sound a very sweet and kind boy, I’m glad he’s tried it.

Original poster
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 18:17

I just really said that food was a bit more expensive these days and that the quality of meat we wanted to give them wasn’t as great, and that lentils was a great healthy alternative. That I had been considering switching to less meat for health reasons anyway.

But I did definitely have a moment of saying to him that I just needed him to just try it and cooperate.

OP posts:
RayneDance · 22/08/2022 18:22

He did really well, my 9 year old is extremely obstinate when it comes to food.

Choconut · 22/08/2022 18:23

Buy the better quality mince but only use half and freeze the other half for the following week. Then bulk out with lentils.

Original poster
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 18:25

Yeah they definitely can be. I’ve tried before a few years ago to make a bean chilli. This was well before Covid and our finances took a massive dive - it was more just to be more nutritionally diverse and a lot of our meals tend to be mince based out of ease. One pot type things. It went down like a lead balloon 😳

OP posts:
Chocchops72 · 22/08/2022 18:25

I’m glad he has gone along with it. But I’m not sure why you are explaining all of this to a 9-yr old? That is a lot of weight on young shoulders. Just tell him: we need to cut down costs, we wants to eat healthier, we are eating less meat, if the chilli tastes different that’s why. That way he gets the necessary info without the worry.

Original poster
GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 22/08/2022 18:29

@Chocchops72 that’s pretty much all I did say. But just internally, it was really getting me down and I explained to him I needed him to be open to trying it because as a parent, you just want your children to eat well.

Privately though and the reason for this thread was more about is it too much to expect him to understand we needed to switch and to give it a try. I did go into how the quality of meat wasn’t great and I was partly switching because of that and partly to try a healthy alternative.

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 22/08/2022 18:36

I have told mine (14 and 9) that things are going to be difficult for a little while, things cost more than they used to, and that we won't be the only ones who have to make changes so they don't feel like we are particularly badly off.
I have tried to prepare them that the heating won't be on as much this winter too.
Its shit.

purpleme12 · 22/08/2022 18:42

My rule has always been to try it. I don't make her eat it, but always try it.
But I have to say I don't think I could bring myself to eat lentils!

maddiemookins16mum · 22/08/2022 18:52

I think worrying primary school wains about this sort of thing is wrong. He does not really need to know, bulk it out and don’t tell him. Food is an emotive subject, don’t put pressure on him around meals.

sundayvibeswig22 · 22/08/2022 18:57

I'd have said nothing. He might not have noticed.

IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 22/08/2022 19:02

I wouldn't have told him about the cost of the meal - kids shouldn't have to be made to feel bad about things like that. I would have said "I found a slightly different recipe for chilli online that's got 5 stars, I'm going to make it and I want you to tell me what you think!". If they hated it I'd just say "I know you love chilli so once a month is going to be your day for chilli" - Freddie Friday or something 😂

Octopus47 · 22/08/2022 19:03

Missing the point, but mince is much cheaper if you buy it frozen from Asda its £3.75 for a 400g pack of the 5% fat beef mince.

I feel your pain. My youngest is a nightmare with food (he's 12) and there's no way he would eat something to please me or if helped me to save money. Can you tell I'm at the end of my tether with him lol

mac1974 · 22/08/2022 20:45

It's really hard. I've been having these conversations with my kids recently. They are 11 & 8 and they've been lucky as we've never had to worry too much before but even though both DH & I earn well, we are having to be more aware of what our money is going on especially with Xmas & their birthdays coming up. They also need to learn the value of money & it's an important lesson for them. I always say we don't have to worry we are just being a bit sensible so that hopefully they don't get too concerned about it.

RayneDance · 22/08/2022 21:30

As an aside op how often do you have mince? Even once a week would fatty mince be a problem?

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