DH can't accept me as l am

[BritishDesiGirl]

Some context. I have been married for 4yrs and have a little girl. I had an arranged marriage but very happy with my decision.

My husband comes from a big family, they are very big on keeping up appearances and making sure that they appear the best in front of everyone. Acting or behaving a certain way.

Unfortunately, l am a wear their heart on the sleeve kind of person and l realise that despite my best attempts to fit in l don't reach the standard that my husband and his family expect.

I am constantly advised by my DH, his mum and others members of his family of how l should behave, how I should raise my daughter. Their sanctimonious behaviour is making me feel that l am not and will never be good enough.

I have just come through the other side of PND, so l am trying to get back to being me.

After an argument with my husband this morning l have just had enough. I'm looking for some advice really.

Thankyou for reading

If he doesn't accept you now, he never will. You need to decide whether or not that is something you can live with, or whether you need to leave.

No advice I can give you other than RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. It gets worse.

You then also need to accept them for how they are. And make your choice going forward.

They will keep dishing out advice, you can choose to ignore it, leave or change.

All the options are uncomfortable. One is better for your own mental health tho.

They won't change. The most basic thing you can do is nod and smile, then do your own thing. It's really sad not to be able to be yourself tho.

Do you live with your in-laws?

Some advice may be genuinely useful.
For the "in my day" advice, say thanks but times have moved on.

You obviously are not happy with your decision then?

Okay, so you were happy to marry this man, but now that you've got to know him and his family it sounds like you're very much not happy now. Half of all marriages break down, so it's hardly an uncommon situation, so how do you feel about leaving him? From what you've written you are subject to a constant barrage of criticism, which will wear you down more and more, the longer you stay.

I'm Indian so I totally get this. I don't live with my in-laws but they're still a bunch of meddling, interfering imbeciles, and if I'm honest my husband doesn't have my back. That being said, I've pretty much cut them off and just get on with my own life with the kids and my husband has his own relationship with his family. Not perfect but not a lot in life is. Asian culture will have the daughter in law be obedient and conforming and basically have your husband and in-laws rule your life. This will be detrimental to your mental health. Stand strong, confide in other Asian women who will support you, and do not let these people treat you this way. As a PP said, nod and smile and do what you want anyway, even when it comes to your husband. The dynamics of these kinds of families are a mess and he won't know any different. Hope you're doing ok.