Teenage DD - possible autism

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DD is 15yo, and DH and I have wondered for some time if she might be autistic. She finds making friends very difficult, is shy, formal and stiff in social settings. She is really only interested in horses and bird watching, and has no interest at all in fitting in with more stereotypical teenage interests, or even pretending to do so to make friends. Other potential symptoms could be her extreme sensitivity to noise (leaves the room if the hoover is on, very funny about clothes rubbing her etc). DD is academically high achieving, and enjoys activities that are "arranged" eg horse riding camp. She is able to cook basic meals, very self sufficient in lots of ways, but seems so different from other girls, just so serious and formal.

My mother recently mentioned to me that she thought DD might be "on the spectrum", and it seems strange to me that three of us now have this suspicion. DD would be devastated if she suspected, and the last thing we would ever wish to do is hurt her feelings, so we've never broached the subject with her.

Is it worth seeking a diagnosis? Is there any effective help or support for an able, high functioning teenage girl if we do go down this path? Could her relative lack of social skills be down to immaturity?

Feeling a bit sad and worried, please be gentle.

I doubt there will be much help. My son is non verbal, autistic and has adhd and we get very little. What it might give her is an understanding of herself. Have you spoken to her about your suspicions?

I have realised I am likely autistic and will be pursuing an adult diagnosis. J know I won't get any help but I would like to know if there are reasons for the way I am.

No, haven't spoken to her. She would be really, really upset by all of this.

I've just re-read that you haven't discussed it with her. At that age I think you would have to discuss with her first. Maybe gently open the subject of some of her social issues and see what she says?

I think it's definitely worth it. Talking as late diagnosed female, it helped me to fully understand myself.
She may also benefit from the diagnosis at work or in university as she will be able to access accommodations if she needs them.

I was diagnosed with ADD at 15! Schools never suspected anything as i also never has any academic difficulties. I was very sociable and had friends so no worries from my parents. In reality i felt like i was putting on a character everyday and led to some horrific meltdowns and acting out. I was the one who pushed myself for a diagnosis as i felt i was missing out on support that could have been offered to me in other ways other than academic ones. I think it all comes down to if a diagnosis would benefit her. Maybe she could receive support? Understand herself better? But if she is doing well and is happy i wouldn't worry too much! Everyone has their own things that they enjoy and different ways of doing things and a diagnosis wouldn't change those things. It's all down to if she feels she would benefit. Also if she would feel stigma etc try working on a different outlook ( i know it's much easier said than done) but possibly talking about successful people who live with autism! Remember not to stress too much OP!!

My high functioning DD who is high achieving was diagnosed with ASD at 11. It's been life changing for us as she had lots of melt downs and was highly sensitive to noise and clothes amongst other things. She masks at school.

She does have friends though but very little executive functioning. So we have to remind her to wash and help her dress but she would get top grades in her SATs.

We have only ever spoken about the ASD in positive terms. Her diagnosis was handled sensitively by the doctor and school.
It doesn't need to be negative

PS remember everyone presents differently so what my DD presents with May be different to yours

She needs to work through her internalised ableism I didn't want to have adhd once I worked through it I was fine.

i suspect I'm autistic too but diagnosis help and protect you in the workplace!

Sounds like autism (autistic girls are often very different to boys).

You should discuss it with her, give her the pros and cons of formal diagnosis. Tell her either way it does not change who she is as a person. Autism is NOT bad.

Some cons, being labelled, over researching autism and trying to fit the stereotype, increased anxiety etc.

Pros, if you have a diagnosis any workplace, legally, has to make changes/ exemptions to help her. e.g she works in a care home, she does not have to do the vacuuming because autism.

Personally, having worked with autistic secondary school children and having a sister who was diagnosed at 30 having been a teenager similar to your dd I would diagnose every time.

My sister has had many jobs she had to leave because the autism meant she couldn't cope, something always went wrong. She tried so hard and it was always crushing when it went wrong because she really didn't understand why. It was always a social issue. EG doing other peoples paperwork because they hadn't done it and the autism told her all the paperwork had to be done before she left. In truth she was seen as interfering and was reprimanded.

Good luck with whatever happens.

My DD is 13.highly sensitive to noise. Eg could hear my sandals in a busy primark. This i know after googling to be hyperaccusis. She hates the noise of people eating so eats in her room. Used to hide in the bathroom at school the past year if others eating lunch.this is called misophonia. She is .v quiet and shy.just 'sortof 'into clothes now.its mad anytime she mentions new look / clothes shops ill bring her as im so relieved she likes what other teen girls like. She has a very quirky hair cut .finds girls of her age hard to talk to difficulties with friendships
We have gone thru GP as i an so worred about this issue around others eating.im worried how it will affect her in secondary school and have read autism in girls if left could lead to mental health issues later

V v good academically .
Spends half the day trampolining in the garden.

Wasnt bothered about a phone
.no interest in getting one / being on snap chat etc etc etc
V happy in herself. The team rang me from our local health centre.told me her case was v complex ???? And will be discussed with psychologists next month !! What !! This scared us a bit. Im just praying senior school goes well. She doesnt seek company at all.doesnt like if i invite cousin s over but is happy then when they are there.
Its so worrying BUT we have to help her cope with life and we are going down the diagnosis route in a way to help her long term. The lady from primary care told me people on the spectrum in all walks of life and diagnosis is not essentially a bad thing. Hugs to you xx

I am all for diagnosis but if she's happy in herself why do it?
Keep it for When she may feel she has issue's!
She's so young.

Is it worth seeking a diagnosis?
After you have broached the subject with her and when she's fully on board with it, yes.
Tread carefully, research you tube videos and books by young autistic people which may appeal to her, get her to do an adolescent AQ test online.
If she feels positive about it, then go for an assessment. Be aware that autism rarely presents alone so it's possible she may also be diagnosed with co-morbid conditions like ADD/ADHD etc.

Is there any effective help or support for an able, high functioning teenage girl if we do go down this path?
Definitely support at Uni and in employment.
What support were you thinking of for now?

Could her relative lack of social skills be down to immaturity?
Neurodiverse children have an emotional age around two thirds of their chronological age.

Because it can take 2-3 years to get diagnosed. If she waits till she needs accommodations in college or university, she won't be able to get them.

@Radyward
My dd also has noise issues, we accepted it laughed at it... loosened up about it and she's much better a few year's on .
She was allowed to eat and go where she wanted when younger.
She doesn't complained of others eating it was just me!

@RayneDance

The pathway to diagnosis can take years.
If she's 15 now, she wouldn't necessarily have an assessment done before she started Uni.

What accommodation would be given though?
What does she need?

Op hasn't said she's sad ,feels left out etc.
She seems ok?

She's not struggling accadmically, and doesn't want to fit in.

she will already know that she's different op. If you broach it with her there's a chance she will be relieved.

Ds was diagnosed at 15 and was in complete denial for quite a while. He did have significant difficulties though, which prompted the assessment and subsequent diagnosis. Getting help and support has been and continues to be a huge fight. He now attends a specialist placement and is no longer in denial about his autism. Unfortunately the late diagnosis has caused long term difficulties for him.

I received a diagnosis of autism a few weeks ago, age 46. I have had so many difficulties and MH issues, starting from my very earliest memories. I really wish that I had been able to access an assessment when I was younger.

It's really hard to tell how DD feels tbh. She would definitely like more friends who share her specialist interests. She doesn't need any specialist support atm (social skills are OK, but she is too formal and straitlaced to make friends. She does talk to other kids who accept her for who she is, but aren't particularly interested in getting closer to her). I would say she is reasonably happy.