How important are funerals to you? How do you decide whether to attend or not? Obviously a close friend or relative of course but what about the people you were not so close to or not had so much contact with?
I know people who will literally go to anyone a funeral but others like myself who avoids unless I have to. I don't really get much out of them. I can't show emotion in front of people so I really struggle at funerals. I like to grieve on my own. Dh is very similar socially to me.
dh's cousin died recently. Very sad and tragic of course, pretty young and dh wants to go to the funeral which is of course his choice but I've been with dh for 11 years and he's never had any contact with his cousin in that time and pretty sure for several years before that. Not really seen each other since childhood. Don't live in the same area which adds to the lack of contact but no Facebook interactions, texts or anything like that. Dh has about 50 other first cousins too so a lot to keep on top of.
I am autistic and I see the world very black & white which doesn't help the way I look at things
I just find it strange how you can rock up to a funeral when you had no contact with them for many years? Dh hasn't even contemplated sending a condolences card or contacting the guys family - cousin died a few weeks ago now and funeral in a couple weeks. He's literally going to rock up at the funeral and get away again.
to add, him going won't be the easiest for us. It's 4 Hours away and will be difficult with work etc and he'll likely have to come to and from in one day due to work and high travel lodge costs, we are skint like most people at the minute and I'm concerned it'll be tiring for him after a week of 12 hour shifts. He gets tired whilst driving and I'm majorly concerned he'll be falling sleep at the wheel for such a long day. It will also leave me totally without a car and I care for my grandma, no public transport where I live and 2 disabled dc! Not to mention the fuel costs. Dh has a work car but he won't be able to take that and I can't use the work car!
this is not me saying he shouldn't go, if he wants to go fine but I told him that I'm sure his family would understand if he couldn't make it and he just sends a card. His mother and one sibling will be going.
I am just going to spend the whole day anxious about him being tired at the wheel etc
would you be offended if a cousin didn't turn up to your loved ones funeral? Bearing in mind he has about 50 other cousins on his mothers side and the guy probably has lots of other relatives on his dads side.
it sounds like I'm making it all about me but it's the worry of dh driving there being tired, dc don't sleep so he won't get a decent nights sleep before the drive, the costs and me being stuck in the middle of nowhere without a car!