Teenager on holiday, is it just my teenager?

[Mapletreelane]

On hols in France at terrific campsite. DD13, and H have spent all afternoon in the lake, paddleboarding, swimming,water slides, dinghy. DS15 ventured out for about 30 mins on paddleboarding and has disappeared back into accommodation. I should add he is very introverted and not a naturally outgoing lad, so am not expecting him to meet up with a load of other kids, but he doesn't want to do anything. He is just rude and unpleasant. He's not a ray og sunshine at home either but he's just non stop unpleasant here.

We've put in a few day trips out too to try and add some structured activities, and he's Okish but still can be rude and moody ..aaaaaaggh.

He is sucking the joy out of our holiday as I feel I am doing something wrong. He won't even venture to the table tennis tables. He just does not want to do anything and I am seriously questioning the point of driving across France and spending a decent amount of money on a holiday when he is just moody,.rude and ungrateful.

Anyone else experience this or am I just a crap parent?

He’s just a teenager. If he wants to spend his holiday sitting in his doing nothing let him. It’s his holiday too! Hard as it sounds, leave him to it and let him join in when he wants. Try and enjoy your holiday and take the 30mins he is active as a bonus! In his head he’s prob done enough ‘family’ time.
just have fun with the younger one, it’s hard to force a 15 year old to have ‘fun’. I understand your frustration, please don’t beat yourself up!

There’s been quite a few similar threads to this over the summer so you’re definitely not alone! The general consensus seems to be to just leave them to get on with it (Ie sit in the room on their own)!

We’ve just returned from our family holiday
DS spent a lot of time in his room / on his phone
his choice frustrating as it is

After the age of 12 I never wanted to go on holiday with my parents unless I could bring a friend.

Thanks for the reassurance. You worry a) you're doing something or b) there is something wrong with him. He is a naturally solitary person but then you see friends on SM posting with their teenagers doing amazing things. Gah. Thank you xx

Just got back from 2 weeks away with mine, in a country where they have been itching to go for years.

Both children spent at least 5 full days in the hotel room and had to be dragged out to the 3 major sights I insisted they saw (and had wanted to see for years). When we got to those sights, they moaned constantly and couldn't wait to leave.

We decided that this was our last family holiday.

Mine aren't rude but did spend a lot of time in their room at the lovely villa with pool we stayed in! Both the 15 and 13 year old. I think it was mainly because the wifi didn't extend outside.

Off topic but what campsite? Looking for ideas for next year!

Yep 13 year old DD was similar on the holiday we've just got back from. Just wanted to stay in the hotel room. It was a struggle to get her to come down for meals.

It gets better! We had two hideous holidays with DS, during which he skulked in his room with the wifi code. Then holidays stopped due to covid. He was thrilled with time in the caravan I’d bought, just to get out of the village- even if it was just to a quiet field somewhere else!
Last summer he finished Year 11 and went on a walking/ camping holiday with friends so no holiday (U.K.) with DH and I.
This year, we’ve visited places linked to his a levels and he’s suddenly back to being fine. Listens to audiobooks a lot, reads a lot but happy to engage and play cards etc with a beer in the evening.

Haha 😂
This can be holidays with teens!
We went on holiday recently and had the dds 18 and 16 and ds 10.
at various points they all just wanted to hang out in their rooms and do ‘nothing’. It’s called something like ‘recharging’.
They did however come out with us for the day trips and dinners, but Dh and I fancied a walk and a trip to the pub which was met unenthusiastically by them all so we would just fuck off without them for an hour or two.
I’ve got to the point with them that they can join in for the bits they want and when they want some downtime they can have it, I’m not insisting on dragging them out to have them spoil what is also my holiday with them sitting there with faces like a smacked arse.
It’s fine, I didn’t want to go on holiday with my parents beyond the age of about 14 so it’s nice that the older ones do still say they want to come with us at all.
you’re not doing anything wrong at all, they’re just away from their home comforts and hormonal. Try and make the best of it, let him sit in if that’s what he wants. Keep meal offers light, ‘we’re going to x tonight if you want to come, If not there’s bread to make yourself some toast and you can have some peace and quiet.’ And mean it, if he doesn’t want to come, just go without him.

I understand. Mine is very shy. We go for a happy medium. I let him sleep late, spend lots of time on his phone etc etc ... that's what he enjoys and I do stuff I enjoy in the meantime. (nice coffee, shopping) but... he also has to join in sometimes (dinner, trips, walks, movie night)! I have found out that he really likes Monopoly (who knew!) and if he isn't put in the spotlight, actually enjoys debating some big issues. He is funny as heck and responds to me sending memes. 😁He actually likes to do stuff with me if it's a bit absurd and I'm not all Julie Andrews and over the top. Food helps! So try and meet him halfway?

@fruitpastille I've sent you a PM x

Normal and one of the reasons I wouldn't take my 15 year old away because I can foresee how it would go!

He's not rude as such but I just know he'd want to be in the room and not do anything and I can recall only too well how I was exactly the same

So me and my husband go on short 3 day breaks now and again where he can stay at home with his (adult) sister and instead of holidays with him , we take him out for things like lunch out / football matches / short sharp things

The whole holiday thing is just an exercise in futility right now so I honestly would rethink for next year!

Hello. My 14 year old son is currently on his first school trip to Florida. Its also his first time away from home without us.

I asked him before he left to drop us a few texts when he arrived and then to check in with us and send us pictures throughout the week as I suffer with major anxiety.

He's a pretty chilled out person and rarely gives us any insight to his days at school days etc, doesnt like taking photos very much and will always be found hiding at the back of any group activities, so myself and my husband were fine with the fact that we may only get bare minimum contact from him and the most important thing is that he enjoys himself. However, I am now having major anxiety and it has made me question my whole parenting skills.

It started on their arrival in Florida. Other mothers where messaging me to tell me they had arrived etc and it took my son over 2 hours to let me know he had arrived and even then alI we had was "I'm here". I had asked him to send me photos of the plane and his flight etc and had nothing but then again other mothers where sending me photos of their children on the flight having fun etc. I tried not to let it upset me and carried on my day.

However it's still happening. My son is giving me bare minimum contact and one word texts , I have asked for a few photos to try and coax some information out of him and all I got was a zoomed in photo of a table at a restaurant. Yet he is posing for selfies and looks really happy in other people's photos and I'm being sent them by other mothers. It looks like he's having a great time but he's not communicating that to me or my husband and its really upset me that he isn't involving us like other kids are with their parents. My friends and family are asking if he's OK and enjoying himself etc and I cant even answer them. Is it asking too much to send one or two photos or tell us about his day ?

I'm upset that I see other children sharing their experience with their parents yet my son is being so distant. I would have been fine with this (as this is his usual behaviour) but then the other mothers started sending me photos and information about what their all upto. Its made me question my parenting skills and am I that bad that he doesn't want to talk to me ????

Things haven't been easy at home as I have been undergoing treatment for cancer and I guess maybe he wants time away from it all but then I think he could be more considerate because of that and send me a few pictures to reassure me hes having a good time. He is such a loving child and we have always done everything together as a family. He's not spoilt and he's always joking around and we have fun. I don't understand why he's acting like this.
I know I probably sound really selfish but my anxiety is in overdrive.
Is this normal teenage behaviour ?
My husband says you can't always believe other people and they may be exaggerating about how much information or contact other mums have had and says my son is just being a typical teenager but I feel like the worst mum in the world that he doesn't want to contact me.

@Anxiousmum00 honestly it's very very normal. I'd put the lack of contact down to the fact that's he just having an amazing time!

My daughter (14) went away to Italy with school last year and I was so worried in the build up to it. I'd even worked out how I'd get there quickly if needed. I got hardly no contact, one word answers and the odd pictures.

She had the time of her life! Best thing she ever did. She came back a far more confident person. I'd honestly just try to relax and let him enjoy it 😁