Not sure what the point of this post is really but feeling a little deflated.
I have DS 12 with my ex. His dad has very inconsistent sporadic contact with him, right now there has been no contact for weeks. He only lives 10 minutes away. When DS was much younger it was going okay for a few years, he wasn't perfect but he seen him weekly usually, but it's been slowly getting to minimal contact and hanging by a thread for a while.
I think he last saw him in May or June. We haven't heard from him in weeks. I'm always portrayed as the bad guy but it's all on his dad, I've never stopped him from seeing him. It's sod law the days he rings and says he would like to see him in day the next half hour, we had plans (nothing ever planned in advance with his dad) so I've had to say no, one time he wanted to see him but it was nt younger child's birthday and we had lots planned. I was the bad guy again. It was always last minute, nothing every planned or consistent. I can't sit around waiting at the weekends to see if his dad rings up or not. in the past I've spent many Saturdays waiting to see if his dad will turn up, most often he would not which would cause DS upset. We would waste a day, then the upset, he has let him down last minute lots too.
as it stands, the contact is now non existent. A handful of times in the last 12 months is not good enough. He seen him for half hour on his birthday. Even if he sees him occasionally it'll be for an hour tops. It's not worth it.
DS is also autistic and has severe anxiety etc but he's such a sweet boy, his dad seems to have this very sporadic contact thing going on with him favouring his younger child he has with his Dp. I know DS is 12 and many thing DS could contact him BUT he is autistic, young for his age. He also needs consistency and routine - never of which he gets from his dad. Also the let downs of not turning up or being ridiculously late (never on time when he did see him). Then he just seen him for an hour every couple months. Is it really worth the hassle?? Would you let this go on??
DS doesn't say much, he struggles to talk about the way he feels. But I'm sure deep down he's confused by this. He doesn't seem bothered that he doesn't see him - as DS for older he started to realise how his dad does not offer him anything he needs - consistency etc.
I have never known my dad but I can't miss what I never had with DS he's seen him and he knows him and I'm just so stressed. I don't want to stop contact, but DS keeps saying different things asking why his dad doesn't see him. DS has texted him before and never got a reply so it's all a joke!
Where do I go from here? Say fuck it and stop contact altogether? Obviously that's up to DS but the occasional visits, the short visits, the let downs and no consistency cause more stress than not seeing him at all!
wwyd? And yes Ive probably let this go on too long but as above it was okay for a few years. It's become less and less and since covid hit barely anything. His dad used covid as a perfect excuse not to see him! 🤷♀️