Judgment, Coping…. Advice

[Mamalamax2]

Hi Mums;
I am at my lowest and am posting on a forum such as this for the first time in the hope that some of you mummies will help me get some of my sanity back…
I have two babies (1&2 year olds).
I live with my OH and we both have no family here. It’s extremely difficult on me to raise them both with little help. Aside from my OH taking over when he’s back from work, I have no help.
I am reaching out to seek some advice and help about peoples opinions (which seem to be flooding in from everywhere)
basically my second bubba wasn’t planned… it happened … and my baby is much loved.
Anyway I now have my hands full with both. My OH works on a front line role which is full on.
We decided it was best for us as a family that I SAH with them till they are 3 and my OH will continue to work.
Some days are harder then others but I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with anyone else or in childcare till they are potty trained and are able to communicate. This is my personal preference.
My eldest loves to play with other children. Recently, OH and I have decided to test waters and see what Nurseries in the area may be suitable for a couple of hours a day.
We haven’t decided that this is the right course of action… but are open to viewing them and seeing what they have to offer.
However it would appear, I can’t do right for doing wrong….These are some of the things that have been mentioned when discussing in general my situation with others…

1. Don’t sent eldest to nursery he’s too little
2. I came over and your eldest was watching TV looking lonely (I was putting young one down to sleep or having a shower…) it upset me to see him so “sad”
3. Neighbour - “when are you going to go back to work? Me “not till they go to school” Neighbour “yes in your culture you don’t leave kids” … (I’m a brown Asian woman… if it matters)
4. send eldest to nursery… you’ll get a break
5. you never take them out ie parks, activities, gatherings… they’re always at home…
6. why doesn’t your older talk a lot? Is something wrong with him? (He does and can … just on his T&Cs)

these are some of the statements I hear from time to time.
Things like not taking them out for example, for me, I worry about their safety. I’ve tried once or twice and if they both run off in different directions then I’ve been left risking one running off whilst grabbing the other one…

Am I a bad mum for not taking them out on my own? Or for choosing to not work (in a fortunate position where I don’t have to right now) and raising my children myself?

Is there anyone here with 2 little ones that can relate? Literally my whole schedule right now works around their nap times and meal times…

If anyone here such young ones and manages to take them out alone, please share how you do it.

and also if anyone has any good ways of shutting people up I’ll be grateful for the one liners

Thank you x

Just disregard what they're saying, you're doing your best. At this age, everything does revolve around meals and naps if you're putting their needs first. It will get easier when they get older and you can get out more. At the moment, they have their mother and your love - DON'T LISTEN to the negative honestly, you're doing a great job :-)

'oh that's interesting'
'thank you but we're fine'
'oh is that what you think, that's interesting'
'I'll bear that in mind, thank you'

With lots of smiling sweetly

If that fails tell them to f right off, they're not their kids xx

Find the parks that are fenced in where they can’t escape! Or softplay? Look for local playgroups - usually held indoors so again, escaping is not a possibility, tea and biscuits are standard.
There isn’t a right or wrong answer about whether your eldest should attend nursery.
It’s good for kids to encounter other children their age, but that can happen in places other than nursery.