Why would a (non single) friend want their friend to stay single?

[ThePlotIsLostt]

What reason would you think that a friend who’s in a fairly toxic long term relationship would want their single friend to remain single?

That’s still wrong. Because that’s projecting your bad relationship into someone else.

I think most likely the friend thinks she has the upper hand and feels superior by being in a relationship. It’s not a popular opinion but I don’t think it’s uncommon for women to feel this way - just look at how some women plaster their relationship all over social media like it’s something special to show off about.
The whole thing seems reminiscent of posts where an ‘attractive’ or slim friend isn’t supportive of a friend losing weight. She doesn’t want to share what makes her feel special compared to you - even if her notions of what makes her superior or special are completely ridiculous.
And as a PP also suggested, if you were in a relationship she would be lower down in the pecking order for your attention.
I agree, she sounds a bit toxic.

Erm you could always ask your friend directly?

What’s the point? She would deny it. It’s just my thoughts and I wondered what someone would gain by doing so.

It’s sad as she was a really good friend before she got into a relationship.

We're not projecting. We are showing empathy with the friend, and trying to show a possible thought pattern and what might be behind it.

(rather than immediate cynicism eg they're selfish and want you to be at their beck and call forever, etc etc)

Maybe they're selfish. Maybe they're protective. Maybe they fear they won't see their friend as much. Ultimately no one other than the OP's friend can actually know why they are thinking what they are.

@ThePlotIsLostt I meant that’s what your friend would be happy to use an an excuse for her relationship.

She might say Well boyfriend does x y or z and you say that’s not healthy/normal/nice/ and she says oh @ThePlotIsLostt it’s just how relationships are you’ve been single for a while you don’t get it.

So she can feel better about herself as at least shes not single. I dont think like this but alot do.

When I was single so many were smug and enjoyed the fact I wasn't with anyone. There was also the expectation I could be available because I didnt have a man.

I think what you’re saying is right. That someone could actually be deeply unhappy in their relationship but at least they have a relationship.

Did you have certain comments made to you when you were single? Just curious if we had similar experiences.

I definitely never say anything about her relationship being toxic. She actually told me herself her boyfriend called their relationship toxic.

What has she said or done to make you think she doesn't want you to be in a relationship?

There are plenty of women and some have contributed to threads here that after a bad relationship have said they wished to remain single. It should 100% be their choice and no-one should judge them for it, be it good or bad.

This does not seem to be the case here.

She feels as long as you are single, she is doing better in life.

Sad state to be in (for her). I've encountered a few women like this, including my sister. They need to feel superior to others to feel good about themselves and their lives.

If her relationship is shit she probably knows she'll split at some point. She wants you on standby as back up so someone else is single with her.

It’s impossible to say without knowing the full circumstances. I’ve actually been the friend who wanted my friend to stay single (although I was single myself at the time if that matters). The reason was she has hopped from one toxic relationship to another her entire adult life and I thought she needed to be alone for a period so she could establish her boundaries, work on her self esteem and hopefully break the dependency cycle she’d been stuck in for years.

Definitely not the case here. I haven’t had a relationship for 3 years.

I can understand your reasons of why you’d want your friend to be single.