Is it hard to settle in a new town 60+ ?

[WeLoveYouMissHanigan]

I know it’s different everywhere but my mum wants to move 300 miles to be with me.

She moved to be near my brother but it’s is really unfriendly to newcomers and after ten years there has zero friends. She is a friendly chatty lady and loves to get out and about so it’s actually very demoralising.

is it like this everywhere? Is it just hard to make friends in rural places? We’re in outside a famously friendly city but I’m scared that it’s just hard everywhere to
make friends when you’re old!!!

I will obviously help her without hand holding but don’t want her to go through all that to be miserable again. I am planning on getting her to stay with me fire a couple of
months to join the gym etc and see how she feels

Oops sorry

so would love to hear any opinions about anybody who has done similar. Shes brilliant at joining stuff so that’s not an issue - it’s more the organic friendship thing.

My aunt moved almost 300 miles across England to be nearer her DD when she was in her late 70’s and is now 85yrs.

After a few months settling in she got involved with volunteering two days a week at a local charity shop and she has made quite a few friends through it. She says she is happy she made the move and has no regrets. She has weekly phone calls with her friends back in their home town, writes cards to keep in touch, and visits once a year and sometimes they visit her.

I think the key is for any age group who are moving into a new area is to get involved in as many things as possible like volunteering, the gym, Meet Up, clubs related to hobbies and interests etc and hopefully you will meet a few like-minded people.

With respect, are you sure it’s the people in her current town who are unfriendly, and not that her approach isn’t working? Why would moving to your town be different? As PP above, I think if you move to a new area you need to work hard to find your tribe.

My DPs moved to a new town in their 80s - appreciated there were two of them initially (Dad died a couple of years later) but they found it really easy to make friends, but they are very confident, outgoing people who will join in anything and get involved in community and social events. Since my DF died my DM (nearly 90 now) has expanded her circle even more end taken up even more new hobbies !

My Mum upped and left the Midlands town she had lived and worked in for decades to move to the south coast. Single, didn't know a soul! Just her and her cats.
These days she's so busy we have to work out when she's free if I want to visit (2 hours drive away). She does yoga, various singing groups, sea swimming (she's in her 70s) and several other groups inc church ones.
As long your Mum is happy to be brave and join things, she will find friends :)
If she's not enjoying where she is now, it's definitely worth a move!

It depends. If you're retired and you can spend your days going to gym/coffee shops/art classes/yoga/bridge, then........ no. I joined a book club a while ago and all of the others were free to actually READ THE BOOK.

I think it's your personal attitude and confidence that matters - not your age. I've moved quite a bit and never have a problem meeting new people, getting involved etc (I am mid 60s now) ... yet I know people much younger than me who move (or even don't move) and say 'they can't make friends'. My DS has just spent a year in a work placement type job, he had no problems joining sports clubs, making friends etc yet a friend's DS in the same position found it really hard and seemed to spend most of his spare time just sitting in his room .

I know lots of older couples (age 65+) who moved (2005-2014) to small villages where they knew no one, quickly settled in, made friends, formed busy lives. Someone told me that Norfolk is God's Waiting Room for this behaviour.

My parents moved to he near me in their late 50s, both retired.

That was about 17 years ago.
My mum is now an active member of the village community (Parish Council, village hall, WI, bowls club etc) and has a number of friends she meets up with regularly.
My dad ... isn't.

If you want to get involved you have to make the effort and get out there, whatever your age.

Still - sounds like my DM - I called her the other day to suggest we met for coffee but she said she had bridge that afternoon and a theatre trip in the evening so she was too busy to meet me .

60s is a good age to move - people with free time all around you. You have to address why it didn’t work in your brother’s town though? Could she rent for a year to try it out.

I do think there are extra challenges when the older person is single.

Somebody upthread mentioned how involved their parents got in a church but I can imagine showing up to a new church as a single woman. They'd be very POLITE but I don't think it would be as enveloping of one single woman as they would be of a couple.

I'm single and 52 so I plan to do things I LIKE DOING and if I meet people I like well and good.

When I'm in my 60s I'm going to buy an apartment in the centre of town.

I think in addition to the thoughts others have made it does depend also on the place.

She’s always had loads of friends and is generally well liked by people. She’s likeable and I works kill for her social skills.

People in her town are very dour.

it’s really affected her confidence and I just won’t want to feel like that here

I’m autistic and not a joiner and don’t care either so I find it hard to judge 😂

My mother in law last year moved 300 miles away from where she'd lived for 40 years to be near her daughter after my father in law died and has made friends already and become involved with the local community by volunteering - it seems unusual that your mum didn't make any friends in 10 years, what was her approach?

Well she played
golf
tennis
badminton
went hillwalking
book club
worked for a bit at cancer research

so definitely not lack of effort
shes 66 and pretty energetic

Yeah this is what I’m wondering about

J0y I don't agree with your comments, I find churches (& I have moved around a lot) are very welcoming to single women (& single men and couples) ... to be blunt the 'demographic' of most church goers tends to be single, older women and all are made welcome. I attend church alone (although I do have a husband) but am always treated well, invited to join activities, get involved etc. No one asks about or cares if I have a DH (I don't wear a ring).

I moved somewhere and am unhappy what is this town that she doesn’t like? Please DM me if you need to.