Self sabotage / lack of self care

[Butterflysize]

I’m really driving myself mad. Almost every day I do something that I know will make me feel horrible later. Or don’t do something that will make me feel good. This may seem really trivial but it’s mounting up and affecting things quite a lot, including my marriage because I do these things then moan about my feelings!!

examples are eating food I am intolerant to then feeling ill, not drinking then feeling dizzy/getting a headache, messing around on my phone then not getting my work done as well or as quickly as I could, not preparing DC stuff the night before then being stressed and shouty trying to do it around them, not washing my hair/shaving etc then getting tripped up when I need to go somewhere and look like a tramp.

The thing is, even before I do it (or don’t, like drinking) I know it’ll make me feel rubbish, but I still do lots of it pretty much every day. I feel completely overwhelmed all the time. I suffer with depression but am on quite a high dose of ADs which seems to manage things ok. I’ve also had bouts of therapy, which, you guessed it, I haven’t kept up/done the exercises and homework/kept up the self care actions afterwards.

I know I’m not going to get sympathy here as it’s my own fault. Has anyone been like this before and if so do you have any tips to get myself in control?!

@Butterflysize I am very similar; not motivated to take care of myself, put things off, too overwhelmed to start, start each day with good intentions and then ‘fail’.
I was diagnosed with severe inattentive adhd and started taking medication and have noticed a huge improvement.
It might be worse mentioning it to your GP as my adhd has very little impulsivity and hyperactivity, it’s mostly poor executive function, lack of emotional regulation and distraction/ procrastination which can look like a lack of self care and sabotage.
💐for you.

@Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 I’d definitely consider going down the diagnostic route if you’re struggling as it’s been really positive for me x

@theniceunderstandingone I’m not sure if it’s the right answer for you but read my post above and it might resonate x

Thanks so much for all your messages. I’d never thought of adhd, especially because I haven’t always been like this, I used to be really on the ball with everything- until I had children

I’ve tried many things - scheduling, alarms, habit tracking apps - all ends up not happening

interested in the flotation, that looks amazing! None near to me but I’ve had a similar thing on a spa break which was lovely. I think I need to try to get back into meditation. But then that’s another thing that never happens even though I know it makes everything so much easier

Ironically I'm Procrastinating filling in forms I need to get diagnosis on! I also have my youngest daughters forms for autism and adhd and looking after high needs older daughter, all just bit much! It's my top priority after my girls go back to school

Following with interest, as I slide into this behaviour very, very easily.

It's really interesting to read as I am completely the same. I remember when I was pregnant & had covid I really looked after myself, was kind to myself, ate & drank all the right things, but now I constantly do things I know are not in my best interest. I suspect ADHD too in my case

@HappyBinosaur thanks for this. I never considered it.
My brother and eldest son have ADHD and I didn't think I was that way as my procrastinating and self sabotage has become more prevalent in the last 2-3 years.

I was like this and realised (and then was diagnosed) as having ADHD just before turning 40.

I'd always thought I couldn't have ADHD because I'm not physically hyperactive and did well at school/college/Uni.

It turns out I do have some hyperactive traits - both mental and physical (skin picking, leg jigging, went through stages of biting my tongue and the inside of my cheek) but I had no idea that's what hyperactivity could show up like.

Not saying you have ADHD but something to think about...

I watched a TikTok where a scientist described exactly this and put it then yo ADHD. He said it should be labelled "intention deficit" because ADHD people have dreams, goals, ambitions but never follow through.