I have to try to balance the length of this, enough information, not too much drip feed.
About 10 years ago I got to a know a really good friend local to me. I baby sat, I lent her money, I helped her entire family etc I really did feel like she was a sister to me.
I went through a traumatic divorce, court and was threatened and abused by my ex - police involved etc at the time my ex was saying to me I had no friends, my friends were all users and only my friends wanted me for my money etc that’s the background.
Just prior to 2020 friend became distanced and then Covid happened. I put it down to Covid - I got a new job and moved and when we moved I had a serious incident - medical, physical and I’m still recovering. She sent me a message kind of telling me off for moving etc and I didn’t really respond as I was in the middle of treatment. When I was feeling better a month or so later - I reached out and she didn’t want to talk. I explained how Ill I had been and she said I had hurt her and made me feel shit and told me I had to wait for her to feel ready. I did I waited months. Then finally I really pushed the issue and said - right I explained why I couldn’t speak to you and the Illness I had I’m sorry I hurt you but if you don’t want to be friends - fine.
I don’t know what the hell I’ve done etc to this extent I assumed she was cross I had moved away even though she didn’t really contact me during lockdown . She has now messaged me to tell me that someone in the village where we both lived (no name) had told her I said nasty things (really nasty) about her husband and family - I’m talking seriously vile.
- my accuser is nameless so could be anyone
- it is totally and utterly 100% false - I was careful with who I said what to but I never thought that about him And I never said anything
- she never told me but clearly believed it
- so that says she never believed me as a person or friend or trusted my character
- she never gave me a chance to defend myself
I written back to say the above and express my horror at being accused of something so nasty, that it’s a pack of lies, that she never let me defend myself or give me that opportunity. And if that’s really what she thinks she can just drop me as friend as I wouldn’t want a friend who said who did the things I’ve been accused of.
Her reason for ignoring me and my family this entire time is she didn’t want to confront me as she knew I was very Ill as I had told her what was wrong medically so didn’t she want to make me worse.
I have shed so many tears at this loss as I’ve had two years of her ignoring me and my children - and pleading to ask and apologise for what I thought I had done wrong eg not discussing my relocation with her properly only to find out that instead a nameless person has accused me and lied about me.
she believed the lies.
she has replied to my message not to apologise but to justify why she didn’t talk to me as she was so hurt by what I had ‘done’ and that she’s not confronted me to ‘help me’. She said ‘I’m hurt that you say how hurt you are I did nothing -someone said you had said these things about us. I told my husband and he said ‘leave it’ so we didn’t confront you at all. We did this for you as we knew you were ill. We are innocent. Hey ho’ that’s how she ended her reply ‘hey ho’.
I realise this a total rambling and I should block delete and move on but this affects about 20 people I am friends with who had all given me the cold Shoulder since I moved - so the rumour and accusation has clearly killed all my friendships in that area.
she says she hasn’t blocked me and I should be grateful for that or the implication is I should be grateful I’m not blocked but that’s why she doesn’t comment on my posts etc and respond to my childrens etc
She’s a teacher, I thought she was my best friend for years. I did so much for her and her children (older than mine)
Im honestly in a whirlwind of emotions right now, I’m furious, I’m upset, I’m confused
my accuser is nameless, the crime I have been accused of is also not detailed etc but enough for me to know it was vile -
my children viewed her as their aunt
I imagine we will have to see how it goes over the next few days - so far no apology
An excuse as to why I wasn’t confronted over a crime I didn’t commit was ‘to not hurt you whilst you were Ill. We left it - hey ho. Don’t blame us’
I realise this is typed with me still reeling from the news - but what would you do? If anything?