Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How to accommodate visit after baby born?

29 replies

AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 16:55

Minor problem but my pregnant brain keeps circling on it and I can’t figure out a practical solution.

We are expecting our first baby in a few weeks. My family all live within half an hour and can get themselves to our house so visits will be straightforward. My partners Mum is older and has some health and mobility issues. She lives 1.5hrs away and only drives locally, doesn’t use public transport. I know she is keen to see her grandchild as soon as possible after the birth, but she has no way of getting to us in her own. She doesn’t have any other family able to drive her.

From conversations so far I think she expects my partner to go pick her up and bring her to see the baby a couple of days after birth but that’s a 3hr round trip and I would prefer it if he was able to stay home as much as possible, he has so little time off anyway. Also we don’t have room for her to stay so it would only be a few hours unless she stays in a hotel locally.

Should we suggest a taxi or is that rude/ uncaring? Suck up him having to collect her and suggest a hotel stay so she gets more time?

OP posts:
TerrazzoChips · 19/08/2022 16:57

I might sound harsh here but if she wants to see her grandchild she can use public transport or drive?

all you need to do is make sure she knows she’s welcome. How she gets there is her problem!

mondaytosunday · 19/08/2022 17:00

Why don't you go to her? Then you can dictate the amount of time you stay, baby will probably sleep most of the time in the car. Unless you experience massive complications it might do you well to get out of the house for a few hours!

SamanthaVimes · 19/08/2022 17:09

TerrazzoChips · 19/08/2022 16:57

I might sound harsh here but if she wants to see her grandchild she can use public transport or drive?

all you need to do is make sure she knows she’s welcome. How she gets there is her problem!

I agree. She’s a grown woman, I’m sure she’s capable of sorting her own transport arrangements if it’s important to her!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
homarr · 19/08/2022 17:11

I would offer to go to hers a month or so after the baby is born.

You could make a day trip of it or stay somewhere overnight.

Not in a rude way but if she comes to yours then you (or your partner realistically) will also have to look after her when that is the last thing you need with a newborn baby.

Original poster
AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 17:15

baby brain, 1.5 hrs each way collection and drop off is 6hr round trip driving isn’t it

OP posts:
Hoolahulahoop · 19/08/2022 17:18

My dh would drive and collect her to be honest I wouldn't prevent him. But will that become a regular expected thing ?

TwoWeeksislong · 19/08/2022 17:22

Do any family live near her? Can she get a lift you a BIL/SIL?
Or if your partner goes to fetch her, can she stay with other family for a few days instead?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 19/08/2022 17:22

We had a baby 8 months ago. DH's parents don't like to drive, but can. They are an hour and 20 away. We met half-way when baby was released from hospital; and then they travelled to us when baby was 4 weeks old. It still felt like a bit much, but that's definitely a "them" thing rather than a general thing!

I wouldn't be taking baby on a 1.5 hr drive for a while, my midwife said 30m max in the car seat until 3 months, and then 30m out, so it'd take 3 hours to drive that...

To be honest, I'd set expectations that if she wants to come see you/baby, she needs to figure out public transport, but that may well be biased by my very controlling odd relations.

TwoWeeksislong · 19/08/2022 17:23

Sorry I clearly didn’t read your Op very well. Could she stay with your parents for a couple of days?

SunshineAndFizz · 19/08/2022 18:22

That's a really long drive. I certainly wouldn't feel uncomfortable if my DH had to spend 6 hours driving/being away from me and the baby within the first few days.

I'd be saying he can do it after a few weeks or if she can get herself to yours she's welcome to visit straightaway.

MalteserGeezee · 19/08/2022 18:46

Offer to pay for a return taxi, she covers cost of local hotel stay.

StripeyBumblebee · 19/08/2022 18:50

DH collects her while your family are round, she stays in a hotel for however long she wants, DH drives her home while your family is round.

You say she’s older with health and mobility issues so I wouldn’t want her on public transport for that journey and a cab would cost a fortune. Also she gets to stay for a few days and you’re not left alone for ages.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 19/08/2022 18:52

I would time your DH going to get her while you have your mum or some one visiting so you aren't on your own if you don't want to be.maybe then get her to stay in a hotel nearby, DH can take her, then pick her up in morning another visit and take her home?

Chocolatiestchocolate · 19/08/2022 18:57

Maybe easier to go to her?
Or partner pick her up. Stay the night and return day after?
So only 3 hrs each day.

FettleOfKish · 19/08/2022 18:59

Is her not using public transport a choice or impossible due to her mobility difficulties?

I only ask this because DH's dear Mum travelled internationally (with a change of flights in Gatwick) to come to our wedding on her own, despite having very much reduced mobility due to a stroke. Difficult & tiring for her, but she chose to do it because being here was important to her. I suspect if we had a baby she'd be on the next available flight.

If she can use public transport (even partly to shorten the drive) but is choosing not to because a lift is easier/preferable for her, then she's being unreasonable, especially when it's 6 hours driving for your partner & you'll have a newborn at home.

TidyDancer · 19/08/2022 19:05

I think him collecting her would be best. Ideally for an overnight stay but that's really up to her.

Original poster
AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 20:15

@TwoWeeksislong my family members aren’t able to put her up, parents each live alone in 1 bed flats. Plus they don’t really know her.

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 20:18

@StripeyBumblebee this might be the best option. I don’t want her struggling on trains.

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 20:24

@FettleOfKish I’ve never known her to get public transport. She can’t walk well on her own and won’t use a walker just links your arms, I don’t junk she could manage getting on and off trains with a bag.

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 20:25

*think

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/08/2022 20:26

Really not your issue- between her and her son- if your husband goes get her perhaps choose a time when your families over if you need support

QueSyrahSyrah · 19/08/2022 22:17

AprilRae91 · 19/08/2022 20:24

@FettleOfKish I’ve never known her to get public transport. She can’t walk well on her own and won’t use a walker just links your arms, I don’t junk she could manage getting on and off trains with a bag.

Aah ok. I wasn't clear from your OP whether she couldn't use public transport or just didn't want to.

Fair enough if it's not a possibility for her, but I still think 6 hours driving is a big ask for your DP in the circumstances, unless she's staying a night or two nearby.

DogsAndGin · 19/08/2022 22:41

MalteserGeezee · 19/08/2022 18:46

Offer to pay for a return taxi, she covers cost of local hotel stay.

Absolutely not. New parents paying hundreds of pounds for a 3 hour taxi ride?! No.

She can make her own way, get a lift with another family member etc. She’s a grown woman.

rookiemere · 19/08/2022 23:04

What age is she?

mondaytosunday · 19/08/2022 23:26

Is there a reason why you don't like my suggestion (and others) to go to her? Seems the obvious solution.