Moving away from non-resident parent - any experiences

[Calmandclockify]

I have tried to parent alongside my ex of our 8 year old DD since we split up 6 years ago. The relationship was domestically abusive, and he remains on/off abusive towards me on the very little contact I have with him. A recent incident with him really triggered and scared me. I have no evidence. It will be my word against his and he is way smarter with words than I. I have fought the enduring desire to move away from the area for years, putting DD's needs first. However, she is now becoming affected by his behaviours (though when it is just them he is a good dad), she does not want to see him much and I have to force it. I want to move away, hours away, to get away from his abuse and negative influence. I have thought long and hard about DD and I do believe it is now in her best interests to not be subjected to this toxic situation, and the effect it has on my mental well being and stress. She would still have regular contact with him but we would be able to go out into town without worrying about seeing him, I feel we, or mainly me, could breath again.

He advised he will drag me through every court in the country and will never give permission.

I am interested to hear from those who have moved away, and how it went, and those who have been through the court process as I have no doubts he will do this and enjoy every minute of it. 😩

As long as he has access and you're not leaving country,let him drag you through court.You have to do what you feel is right for you and your daughter.She will learn for herself what he's truly like as my children have now there older.Good luck,keep moving forward.

Ai don't think you have to move hours away, DDs dad moved in with his GF 45 mins away, close enough to see DD at the weekend and mid week but far enough away that we don't bump into him when out and about.

If you move its likely you will be expected to do all of the travelling so keep that in mind when picking a destination.

I don’t understand - if you have very little contact with him, and you say it’s fine when it’s just the 2 of them, how is she affected by his behaviours?

I can’t see why you wouldn’t be able to move, he cannot control that, but the distance may be the issue. Basically you’re saying you want to move away to stop him seeing your daughter, so you need to show the courts - should he take you to court - that doing so would be in her best interest.

You have to prove that
it’s in your daughters best interests
advice what contact you’ll facilitate
research schools and clubs etc and how they compare, how you intend to keep her life style
how you would share custody and payments travel costs etc
how you communicate school work/assemblies etc/ sports days
reasosn should be closer to your family or a job opportunity or new partner etc -

Get some free legal advice - it’s a long process if he refuses to agree

Do you have a residency order ( child arrangement order ) ?

You really need to understand the legal position.

There are some very knowledgeable family lawyers. On the legal advice thread who often explain the position. You may find this a helpful (but necessarily a hopeful) thread.

Relocating Child 300 miles away - 60/40 split www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/4682252-relocating-child-300-miles-away-6040-split?msgid=-4682252#-4682252

It boils down to this. If your daughter I'd below the age in which she is considered to be able to understand the consequences of limited contact with a parent (this is obviously a variable depending on the child's maturity but around 12yrs) then YOU are of course permitted to live where you like, but the other parent can request the court prevents your child moving.

It is a lot easier if there is strong, evidence of abuse towards the child. However on 'she said, he said' hearsay - and existing contact, it is unlikely you will get permission to take your child beyond a distance that alters her ability to have an 'effective' relationship with his child.

You may well have well founded concerns. A court application for a 'prohibitive steps order' will mean a Social worker, will visit your child in both your and her fathers home and make a report to the court. With a recommendation.