How to get over a guy you slept with who literally has zero interest you?

[Confused2k2218]

Please be kind!

A really long story but I met this guy at the end of last year on a night out. I saw him twice and we slept together both times then he went completely cold turkey on me quite out of the blue as initially when we met he seemed to be really keen on having a casual fling.

For the past 8 months we have messaged very sporadically on/off - normally when drunk. But he has never wanted to meet up etc.

Anyway, a few weeks ago we were both out drunk and he came over. We didn’t actually sleep together. I just did stuff to him (he did nothing to me!!)

He hasn’t messaged me at all. I know I shouldn’t care, and I know that I deserve more - but I just get so attached to people it’s hard for me just pretend that it never happened. I really just feel like 💩 now.

I have tried blocking him but I always unblock.

Please give me your best tips, advice etc. and please be kind 😕

It’s like I am waiting for the lightbulb moment to realise that I am wasting my time and energy even thinking about him… but I am still clinging onto the fact that I might see him again… why!!!

So.

You have slept together twice, after which he clearly went off the idea of anything.

You text sometimes when drunk but the only time you’ve met, you got him off but he didn’t return the favour.

He never contacts you outside of wanting sex - or just a bj.

Block him and delete his number. You’re not even good enough for a shag you’re just there when he’s too lazy to have a wank. Stop humiliating yourself.

Casual sex is fine if you're having fun... you're not having fun. You want more than casual. Agree with PP about block & delete. I imagine you think you don't deserve better: you do. Create space for better to happen.

My friend said he uses me like a sex toy.
She / you are right.

But rather than being angry at being humiliated, I am more upset at being rejected??

Yeah, unfortunately I think my self esteem and self respect is incredibly below.

Any other advice? I need some home truths!

Probably has a gf which is why he doesn’t want to meet you only agreed to the bj because it was you doing it to him so in his warped mind he has done nothing wrong, sorry but you need to get some self respect

Have more respect for yourself. If not how do you expect wankers like him to respect you?

He used you. You made it easy for him and accepted poor treatment. Up your game. Up your self esteem. Don't allow people to treat you like this.

Some reflection needed perhaps:

What are you getting from him that you’re missing otherwise in life? (Attention, affection, touch etc?) Look up self-parenting and consider how you can give yourself those things you’re needing.

What feelings are you avoiding feeling by getting in touch with him? (Loneliness, grief, sadness etc?)

When you next reach for your phone to contact him or think about him, pause and ask yourself what you were just feeling and what you were just thinking about. Write it down if it helps you to reflect.

But rather than being angry at being humiliated, I am more upset at being rejected??

The experience with him might be triggering a memory of old feelings eg if you had a parent abandon you or they weren’t really there for you when you were younger.

I have been having a similar problem on and off for a year and I agree this can link back to childhood. For me it's to do with childhood emotional neglect and feeling rejected by my parents (especially my mum). I wasn't in a relationship with this guy. He's never treated me well. I can't get him out of my head. I know he'll pop up again, I can't bring myself to block him. In case he suddenly realises the error of his ways and becomes a nice person I suppose😂

There's a video that helped me a bit, I'll try to find it. Perhaps it's off the mark for you but might help someone

I know he's not an ex partner as such, but he wasn't for me either and it still helped

He's a player

I would also note that I haven't found anyone telling me what a waste of space he is and how he's just using me useful at all, because I know all that. If this happened to someone else I'd tell them to run for the hills.

There's the old joke. Quickest way to get over a guy is to get under another one.

The thing is, good sex is when you both have a nice time at the time and afterwards come away feeling good about what went on. This isn’t good sex. He doesn’t make you feel good.

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like your own daughter. Go out with your friends and have fun. Go easy on the drink. Make a point of talking with everyone you meet. Block this guy and, if you run into him, avoid him.

I blocked him last night. This time it is ONCE AND FOR ALL! It has to be. I can't continue to be treated like crap.

I guess it depends on what the arrangement was, and how the feelings developed, all the best op

why did you revive a zombie thread from august?

Mumsnet thing of similar threads, only realised after already commented