If you're a FT working mum, what's your routine after work?

[threeisacharm18]

I feel my DD who is 6 gets too much screen time. I have 2 other nursery aged kids.

First thing in the morning while I get the kids ready, there's something on YT playing. After that on the way to school DD 6 has screen time.
When they get home around 5.30/6pm it's screen time dinner and bed.

I feel terrible but I'm tired and don't have the energy to do much beyond a bit of painting, play dough. Neither sustains her interest for long. Then the kids gets a bath and read 2-3 books b4 bed.

Everyone is asleep by 8pm. Then I do it all over again.

Anyone got suggestions for how else to structure the day?

Can you give more detail around wake up time, leave time, assume you drive to school(s), why does DD need screen time on the drive? Can she help you prepare dinner? Any family games you can all play together or are the others too small?

IMO, I'd lock all tablets etc away at night. Allow an hour of screen time after dinner. Longer at the weekends. Definitely not before school, that's a big no no. X

I'm on my own and it's fire fighting.

Up 6, snuggles for 10 min then yv or play, breafats out by 7am latest for drop off to pre school childcare. School for him then post school me or childcare day depending. Then usually park, water garden if needed, baking or cooking tea and a game or something. Then I'll admit TV too mcuh while I cook then dinner then bath then bed by 7.
Then I study or flop, then bed by 9. 3.ish Then repeat.

It's draining. On weekend we go out most days as I hate being stuck in

It's the same here. I am on my own that doesn't help. And I feel so guilty but what can I do?? There is no one else here to play with her etc when I am rushing around like a madwoman trying to get us both up and ready to leave the house at 7.30, and then rushing to do dinner etc when we get home.

We are back home about 5.30/6, we have extracurricular clubs 3 nights a week. Dinner, then TV before bed etc. I don't allow iPads/consoles on a school night (unless homework). They probably watch too much TV, but so did/do I and I turned out alright so....all day at school, after school club then an after school activity, I don't think a top of TV is doing anyone any harm tbh.

Youngest kids wake up at 5.45-6.15. They get a bottle
6.30-6.45 - dd, 6 wakes up and has milk. She will always ask me to play with her which I honestly find really irritating. She never plays alone. Ever. So to avoid that I give her the iPad .

She pecks at breakfast - then we're out the door by 7.30pm. Drive is 20-25m . Yes I should say no to screw time but honestly I just need the quiet first thing in the morning. Otherwise I'll be forced to sing songs or into chatting about general kids stuff.

Home time I have more energy so no screens in the car but once we get home she immediately wants me to do stuff with her but I need to get dinner ready. I occasionally spend 10-15 m sitting beside her doing painting etc but like I said she won't do it unless I'm sitting beside her. That's why she gets screentime while I sort out dinner and tidy afterwards .

I'd get rid of it in the morning, play kids music instead. TV in the evening particularly between getting in and dinner was a savior but getting them to help make dinner with little jobs might help too.

Or you could go old school and use a dvd that way when it's over its over instead of autoplaying the next thing.

What would she do if you told her she needed to go and play on her own?

Seriously, you're on your own, working full-time with 3 kids, 2 of which are toddlers? Whatever gets you through the day my love. Don't be hard on yourself.

I don't play with mine all the time either - maybe a board game or jigsaw after dinner on a school night but that's it. We do more on the weekend.

I do try to make time specifically to listen to them talk, so on the way to school, on the way home from school and for at least half an hour when we get back, then they have to entertain themselves. If that means tv or tablet while I cook/clean that's fine by me.

Really, don't beat yourself up. Do what you can, don't burn yourself out, the kids will be fine.

After work we cuddle up on the sofa and watch cartoons until dinner time. Dinner is always at the table, no TV if that softens the blow of the post-work TV shocker (I do not give a crap about it TBH we are all exhausted). After dinner, straight up for a nice bath, then bed. Occasionally we do something more adventurous like going to the beach for fish and chips or to someone's house, but that's the most common evening for us. It's very easy and relaxing.

Evening sounds pretty good, I would offer helping with cooking as an option just stirring or tasting or pouring etc. You’re doing it anyway.

I would say no screens in the morning or you will make a problem for yourself later when you need to limit screen. I am also a zombie in the mornings and can’t do anything first thing but mine just have to entertain themselves and always have. Try to chat in the car, again you’re right there. I do spellings and times tables in the car in the morning as the kids’ brains are fresh.

It’s hard working FT but it gets easier fast as they get older. You’re doing great 💐

ive only just returned. We have a 9 month old but typically:

up at 5.30am for either a run or workout
6am shower and dressed
6.30am baby gets up, breakfast my partner and I switch about who does breakfast and who walks the dog
7-7.30am - playtime
7.30-8 - get ready to leave
8am daycare time / start work
4.30pm - pick up / feed baby
then we play / go for a walk until bedtime routine which is around 6.30/6.45 😊

The kids get themselves ready, with any help needed. No electronics at all because they have to get dressed and stuff.

On the way to school you give her more screens? OK, so like... take that away. Walk. Or if you're driving, do it without a screen.

When she gets home maybe let her have half an hour or whatever, but then no more.

I take my kids to school, I work, they come home. They read, play. I cook. No need for screens.

"She will always ask me to play with her which I honestly find really irritating. So to avoid that I give her the iPad."

Just read that back. That's really quite sad don't you think?

"I just need the quiet first thing in the morning. Otherwise I'll be forced to sing songs or into chatting about general kids stuff."

OK, like... no one's asked you to sing a song. And you can just have a normal conversation with her. Don't you do that naturally? She's a person.

You can work full time and still be a nice parent, the two aren't exclusive. Do you have a partner? Can you adjust your schedule so you're not so exhausted you're seeing your kid quite negatively?

Just play with her, even if it’s for 10 mins, she won’t always be asking and you’ll regret it. If you need some quiet morning time then get up earlier!

We pretty much have no screen time in the week. I work full time with 3 kids age 6-10. We get up, have breakfast go to school bus. Then after school club then tea time, play and bed. They play with eac other, read and muck around, mostly they annoy each other as it gets nearer bedtime. I don't play games with them much in the week, but we chat etc

I've taught them to entertain themselves since childhood, my eldest is the worst at it but settles to an activity. She doesn't expect screens or me to entertain her though.

My view is that you should try to cut down, probably gradually. I'd aim for at least no morning TV - especially not in the car!!! Stories would be better for a start.

Single FT working mum to a 21 month old! If I didn't have the tablet in the morning I'd never leave the house! My daughter has breakfast at nursery, which is a god send. I did try and put my daughter down for 7pm! But now we sometimes go for a walk after nursery, then when we come home I either put her in front of the tv or she does some colouring! I make her a snack dinner and then we go for a bath! We spend half an hour playing in the bath then have a few books and bed! Sometimes she will be in bed by 7pm and other times 8pm! I've tried not to be too strict with it as I figure it's our bonding time xxx it sounds like you're doing a great job! If you feel you want a bit more quality time with them I'd do it at the bath and bed stage! Kids are normally wired before then xxx

Also, I am all for making life easier! Why don't you do a ready meal or a pizza once a week so you don't spend time cooking and can spend time playing with your little one? Don't feel guilty about screen time, don't feel guilty about not cooking every night, don't feel guilty about anything! The fact your writing this on Mumsnet means you care so much for them, and I bet you're doing a fantastic job xx

I know this is very hard because you’re knackered but can you carve out some very clear time (first thing, or as soon as you get home, or once the younger two are in bed) which is completely you and her? She’s obviously craving it - just 20 minutes.
And then when you feel more confident you’ve given her that time, you’ll also feel more confident about holding the line when she needs to play on her own rather than just handing her the screen.
Also getting her to help with the cooking is a great plan.

I really wouldn’t worry about the screen time per se. Most children watch tv after school, or use an iPad. They’ve been in education all day so it’s not like they’ve been on it for hours on end. I do think if your daughter is asking to play with you then it’s important to make time for that - not to reduce screen time, but because it’s important she has that interaction with you.

Of course I feel bad not playing with her. It's why I try to get her to be more independent. Nothing works. I give her crafts, paints, play dough, stickers etc... none of which she will do alone. At the weekends we do stuff together, go to the park. Shopping, all her favourite activities etc. she's bored so easily.

The toddlers play with toys alone which helps.

I know I sound resentful of her.. and maybe I am. I don't know. I'm conflicted between wanting to give her more time but struggling to juggle it all.

Use borrow box - free library app and download some books to listen to in car. She won't have screen and you can be quiet. I need lots of quiet.

You've totally missed the point here OP.

Nothing works because she doesn’t want the ancillary crap you’re putting in front of her, putting it bluntly she just wants YOU. It won’t be forever and if her playing away from you ‘seen and not heard’ as the old saying went makes you not feel so bad you need to have a look at yourself.

Can see this turning into a classic example of a parent later down the road that wants time with their kids and they don’t want to know you.

it is hard sometimes and we don’t have to be there 24/7 but the attitude is all wrong from the offset on this. PP pulled out some really important quotes... read it and imagine that’s someone talking about you and spending time with you.

When you get in have a quick snack prepared for everyone (including you).

Give the 6 year old 10 minutes of uninterrupted time. Often 10 minutes dedicated time is enough to 'fill' their emotional piggy bank. Then, tell her she can do X or Y, one of those choices should be in the kitchen with you, something like unpodding peas etc, or get her a children's veg peeler so that she can 'help' and feel like a big girl. She'll probably only do one carrot and then she can munch it whilst you finish dinner.

Also meal plan in advance, you would benefit from a slow cooker and maybe a rice cooker so you can throw things in and leave them, chilli's, spag bol, casseroles, rice pudding all super easy in a slow cooker. When you get in you just stick some pasta etc on and serve up.

This sounds like a kid who just wants some attention from her mum-stop trying to distract her with other things and just give her some attention