We have been friends since the first day of secondary school and we’re now late 30s. I knew early on she had some mental health issues as she had an abusive childhood, would regularly come to school covered in bruises, would self harm and confided in me that she has OCD and suicidal/murderous thoughts. (Relevant to how she is now)
I done my best to support her and got her away from home as much as possible, my parents fed her as she was starved but they didn’t get any more involved than that as she asked us not to.
we drifted a bit but stayed in touch when I went to university. When I came back I was pleased to see she’d got her own flat and cut off her family and seemed to be doing really well. It all went down hill fast and I essentially ‘babysat’ her throughout our 20s to keep her safe.
fast forward to now and for the past couple of years I’ve noticed she isn’t okay but she is adamant she is fine now. She lets off steam when we chat which I encourage as I know she struggles to tell anyone about her feelings and thoughts, but she treats it like a typical moan maybe to not put the pressure on me by being completely open. She doesn’t feel content in anything in her life. She has 2 children and a fiancé but has never been truly happy. No amount of encouragement to see a counsellor or get medication from a doctor has worked, she has kept everything between me and her for near on 30 years. To the outside she looks happy, has a lovely house and good job but deep down she is very troubled and I don’t know how I can help her if she isn’t willing to speak to a professional.
as an example, she will get a job and immediately hate it and leave for another job, and so on. I’m waiting for her to hand her notice in to her current job she started a week ago, I know it’s coming. She will also move house and after a few months hate it and put it back on the market, from memory she has moved 6 times in the past 10 years, willingly losing money just for the change. She was the same with men in our 20s and will also fixate on a subject and let it take over her mind for days. I’m assuming this is all part of the ocd? But I’d like to know more about it to support her properly because it’s heart wrenching still seeing her like the 12 year old girl she once was.
I’ve tried to speak to her fiancé but he isn’t as concerned as me as he has only been with her for 5 years so hasn’t seen her at her worst. I just want to be a good friend and I’m scared of losing her and her children losing their mum because she hasn’t got any help. Can anyone shed some light on what could be causing this and what I can do to help?