DD 5yo (NT) just bit DH. How to deal with?

[PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog]

I am in shock. DD is normally placid and rational even when she is not behaving very well. We were just in the kitchen and she kicked a ball at DS 4 mos in his nuna. DH said, 'careful DD, your brother is too small to play football.' DD moves on to something else all fine or so I thought. Then she picks up a toy and throws it. DH says, 'Chill out, DD shall we go and play outside?' They go outside and she throws an almighty wobbler, DH picked her up to bring her inside and she just sank her teeth into his arm! I'm shocked, she's still screaming, upstairs, and DH is soothing DS and a bit teary himself. What should I/we do next? This has NEVER happened before.

They all have off-days and it's possible she's envious of her new sibling. So I wouldn't over-worry about the incident in itself. HOWEVER there should be proper repercussions - I would probably send her to her room for 5 minutes after a proper telling off. I'm sure others on here will disagree but she needs to know that biting is totally unacceptable.

Thank you! I have trouble with dealing with situations like this because I have autism (DD definitely doesn't, she has been observed intensively because of my prenatal concerns.) I think it may be sibling rivalry, she was fine when DS was tiny, but perhaps now he is more alert, he is a little more 'competition' as it were. I have made DH a brew and given him a kiss. I'm guessing that he should go up when she is calm, right. Not me? She starts school in September too, so she really needs to know this is not OK

I think a 5 minute time out is sensible she maybe felt vulnerable at being picked up and that is why she bit him, but it all sounds a bit chaotic before hand and it escalated, she is probably just realising the baby is here to stay and not coping very well.

Yes I think her dad should go up.

Thanks MrsJay.

Does anyone have any tips re baby is here to stay conversations ect.

I think she just needs time. Try and set aside 1 to 1 with her she might like the attention. New baby is an adjustment but she will get there.

As well as getting used to new baby she could also be getting worked up about going to school, so I’d definitely make her the centre of attention for a couple of months. Baby will get lots of attention when she’s at school.

Did she break the skin? I think if she did then your husband will need medical attention.

Hope he’s OK, I’m not surprised he’s upset!

Could she be feeling sensitive and guilty about hurting the baby? Or sad that she needs to be more careful. A one off bite at this stage isn't out of the ordinary providing its made clear to her that it's not OK. Give her lots of love and reassurance.

She probably just did it to see what would happen. My DD has done the same and I remember doing the same to my dad when I was younger. I think a big reaction is unhelpful (although it's understandable especially as the biting was accompanied by a tantrum which is always stressful).

Personally I think telling her firmly that biting is wrong is enough. If she makes a habit of it then you need to try other things. You could try the gentle parenting thing of "it's ok to feel angry, it's never ok to bite". As well as it being a good thing to say I also find it really helpful to have stock phrases to use during stressful moments to manage my own reactions.

Re the behaviour with her brother again do the gentle parenting thing of "it's ok to feel silly/want to play with your brother, it's not ok to throw things" then when she throws things again you take away whatever she's throwing and offer alternatives eg "that's enough playing with balls for today, we can try again tomorrow. Now, do you want to sing your brother a song or shall we do a dance for him" or something like that.

Sorry I have so much of this gentle parenting crap but I do find it works really well! I like to acknowledge my DDs feelings so at times when she's calm I'll occasionally say "it's hard being a big sister sometimes isn't it" and if ever she plays nicely with DS or shares with him or tries to help (even if it's not successful) I praise her for that. Is your DS starting to be a bit more mobile and aware? I noticed a big uptick in difficult behaviour coinciding with DS being able to crawl.

Identical thread yesterday. Have a search.

@abovedecknotbelow That wasn't my thread, I posted for advice because I was upset, searching was not my first thought. Thanks all for your advice and help. DD has been very well behaved today and she was very, very sorry when DH went up to her when she had calmed down after the tantrum.

@abovedecknotbelow I posted on 18th, so you are talking about my thread anyway.