Deciding to have a second DC

[Disneyblueeyes]

Me and DH have a lovely soon to be 3 year old DD.
I've never been a particularly 'maternal type'. A few years ago I'd be happy to have not had any children.
I honestly gave myself a choice of either buying a horse or having a child. Silly I know! Luckily after deciding on the latter I got pregnant very quickly.
Pregnancy went smoothly, birth went smoothly (ish).
My DD has been a dream all the way through. Hardly any issues with sleep, etc. A happy, fun little toddler. We're early mid 30s, good jobs, good balance. Very secure financially.

However, I keep putting pressure on myself to decide if I want another. I keep brooding over the decision. I keep googling things like 'one and done by choice' or 'benefits of having just one'. I'm basically a bit undecided. If I had to choose, I'd just stick with one but then I'd feel guilty I wasn't giving my daughter a sibling.
And before anyone asks, my DH is happy one and done, but he'd be open to having another.

I think it's because with my DD turning 3, many of my friends/family are having their 2nd around now and I am feeling the pressure and asking myself if we should be doing the same.

I didn't enjoy pregnancy really, I can't really be bothered with that, birth and the newborn stage. Being honest I feel a bit selfish and like my own space, a quiet calm house. I like a glass of wine after my toddler goes to bed and I like my sleep! I also am quite driven with my career, hobbies and interest. I don't like just being 'mum', I want to be me too.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for, just how to stop myself brooding over this. I know there's nothing wrong with having only children, I just wish I could stop myself thinking about it! Perhaps reassurance that's it ok to not know right now? Or that I'm not alone, or advice on how to stop thinking about it !!

I have one. It wasn't my plan to have an only child, but if I had my time over again and could choose, I would have an only child again. No question!

Ok my opinion on 2 children:

short term hell- long term easier. Entertaining 1 child takes a lot more work, siblings play together. Less play dates, not always feeling obliged to eat with them and feeling guilty for going to so a house chore.

anything over 5yrs age gap imo is like raising two only children- they do very diff activities, watch diff things- more faff and you don’t get the benefit of having siblings.

So what you're saying then is if we're going to do it, we probably need to do it now?
This is the pressure I'm feeling, because right now I don't really want to, but I know the benefits could be there in a few years time.

I say could, because I don't think it's always that black and white. I hated my brother growing up and would rather gauge my eyes out than play with him.

Siblings don't always get on. My stepsons even went to different schools they were at each other so much (became good friend in their 20s though).
My two get on when they have to buy one a girl one a boy and completely different personalities.
I'd say in fact you get kids fighting each other for your attention.
If you are happy now and your kids it's healthy I'd keep it that way. Yes you may babe to make a bit more effort on occasion, but providing a companion for your existing child is not a good enough reason if you are on the fence.

Tbh only on mn have I met siblings that hate eachother. Did you and your brother not even play together when little, both bored at grandmas house, eat dinner together?

yes I’d say do it now- otherwise it seems more hassle to me. Mine at 3yrs 3 months apart and I now see that even closer in age would be easier (but I wasn’t a 2 under 2 kind of person).

Well yes we did but I'd have been happy doing either of those things alone to be honest.

Fair enough- personally I think to have an only child works best if you have an introverted child or an extrovert parent.

I was you a year or so ago! We had a very easy DD and life was very easy, lots of sleep, and we uhmmed and ahhed a lot about adding a second. We had intended to be one and done, I was a v happy only, but eventually we decided to try for another. We live far away from our very small families, and were conscious of the absence of cousins and things like that. She's also a very social little girl and more extroverted than I was as a kid, and she gravitates towards other children. And I didn't feel ready to say goodbye to the little kid stage - I enjoy her so much that I want more of it!

DD2 is only two months old but DD1 is so in love with her, she showers her with kisses and cuddles, it's really very sweet. Time will tell if that continues! Some of it has been tricky but we've been lucky again to get a pretty easy baby. A little grumpier than DD1 but a brilliant sleeper, and life hasn't been upended as much as I'd imagined.

I think it's impossible to say without a crystal ball and in the end it probably just comes down to whether you feel that visceral need for another.

I do think my DD would be a lovely older sister, but at the same time I can see her thriving as an only as well.
We'd also be able to afford for her to go to private school for secondary as well, something my DH is quite keen on.

Honestly OP you don’t sound keen for a second at all- I really would stick with 1- lots of advantages to just having 1