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Ex won’t speak and I am overwhelmed with what’s next

4 replies

Reattle · 17/08/2022 12:11

Together since May 2020, moved in November 2020. Both late thirties and planned to buy a house and have kids soonish. I noticed he had a reliance on drink from the day we met, everything was centred around it. I raised it directly and he was adamant it was the culture of the job (neurosurgery) and his friends backed him up. He never seemed drunk as such so I let it go.

Fast forward nearly two years and I’m pregnant but house not yet bought. His drinking escalated to actually getting drunk and he was often late to meet, very cold with me. At 8 weeks I asked outright if he wanted a termination and he said he’d considered it when we found out but no he didn’t want that. Things continued but the drinking and just generally offhand treatment got worse. I said if it didn’t stop I would go straight to the gmc as I couldn’t cope with him stumbling around at midnight and then when he was sober being utterly temperamental and miserable. He went absolutely mental with me when I said this, said I wanted him to lose his job and raise the child…….. absolutely insane accusations that were far fetched. A week later, by this point I’m 17 weeks, he gets stopped for drink driving, world caves in, gmc obviously notified as they have to be and he gets even worse to be around. He’s commented that I caused stress with the pregnancy and so he turned more to drink. I don’t know if he’s implying that it’s my doing which obviously it’s not but it’s now been two weeks of nothing from him. He’s staying with a friend that’s all I know, friend says he can’t talk to me directly but will do his best to encourage ex to open up to him/me.

I called about termination as I didn’t want a baby like this but the next appointment is in three weeks and I just can’t do that at that point. I’m so angry/upset/confused. Also very worried about money as although I have savings we had planned that he would cover living costs while I was on maternity but if we are apart which looks likely, then I’m on my own with this.

Stressed up to my eyeballs.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 17/08/2022 12:18

Honestly you are better off without him, he sounds like a complete arse, trying to blame you for his drinking, he will not change, you have had a lucky escape.

I think you need to decide what your options are, bearing in mind that if you keep the baby you will be a single parent and whether or not you can cope with that. You need professional advice to help you decide what you wish to do. I would contact your GP as they will be able to point you in the right direction.

Reattle · 17/08/2022 12:22

I can’t terminate I’ve accepted that. No judgement on anyone who does but I actually had a termination years ago and i couldn’t do it again at this stage. I’ve thought about it lots.

I feel a bit stuck because if he carries on like this I can’t make proper financial plans. He may not even have a job next week and I don’t even know about that either.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 17/08/2022 12:23

Just seen that you are now 17 weeks pregnant, yes I think it looks as though you will be on your own to bring up the baby but he will be responsible for helping financially.

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badgerstink · 17/08/2022 12:25

Hasn't this post been done before - ex was doctor, she reported drunk driving.... very similar circumstances

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