Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

When your kids left home…

37 replies

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 16/08/2022 22:35

How sentimental were you with their childhood belongings?

We are about to move as all our kids are either in Uni or post graduate and our lovely home is just too big for two of us to rattle around in.

As I’m packing, I’m having a crisis of conscience. Should I really be binning 20 years of childhood art? Do I really need to keep their favourite pillowcase from when they were 8, even though I will always love it from the years of lying on it with them reading their bedtime stories? What about their trophies and their “stuff” from teenage years?
Do people keep them all or take a photo of it and move on?

Would love to hear how other people attack this process plus, if I’m honest, I want a reason to prat around on MN instead of packing right now 😀

OP posts:
Cynderella · 16/08/2022 23:16

Take a photo, box it up and let 'child' concerned choose what they want to do with it. I didn't really keep that much and still have some school reports and a few random items, but not enough to worry about. I have spent a couple of weeks decluttering, so I am in that mindset ... other views are equally valid, of course.

oldestmumaintheworld · 17/08/2022 07:03

I got it all together and asked them to decide what they wanted to keep. They both ended up with one box each.

Lifeadmin · 17/08/2022 08:25

still got it in their rooms. Aren’t you expecting your student children back home. Ours keep bouncing back for uni holidays. Jobs and now because high rents and low availability has made them come back home. Personally I wouldn’t be downsizing quite yet. Yours still haven’t got jobs.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
ChobKnees · 17/08/2022 08:27

Lifeadmin · 17/08/2022 08:25

still got it in their rooms. Aren’t you expecting your student children back home. Ours keep bouncing back for uni holidays. Jobs and now because high rents and low availability has made them come back home. Personally I wouldn’t be downsizing quite yet. Yours still haven’t got jobs.

Time to cut those apron strings...

Lifeadmin · 17/08/2022 08:33

my apron strings are fine, I didn’t cut my kids off at 18 the minute they went to uni. I can’t believe why some people have kids if they Chuck them out at the first opportunity. My DC is a DR and due to i work sometimes needs a crash pad , having space helps or would you rather your A & E doc is homeless

Bimblybomeyelash · 17/08/2022 08:35

My parents downsized when I had just left uni. I was in a shared flat hundreds of miles away, with no car. And I was an unsentimental 21 year old. I was only able to carry one small box of things. Now I’m 40 with kids of my own and I’m sad about all the stuff that just got chucked. My kids play with my husbands old toys, and read his old books. But I haven’t really got anything from my
childhood.So If you have some space in your attic, I wouldn’t be too brutal.

AlwaysLatte · 17/08/2022 08:36

still got it in their rooms. Aren’t you expecting your student children back home. Ours keep bouncing back for uni holidays. Jobs and now because high rents and low availability has made them come back home. Personally I wouldn’t be downsizing quite yet. Yours still haven’t got jobs.
Yes we kept older two's rooms as was until they bought their own as the would often be home

thebabessavedme · 17/08/2022 08:37

Blimey @Lifeadmin, all I read about was 'do I keep 20 years of art work', not 'Im cutting off my kids at 18 so they have no where to go'

AlwaysLatte · 17/08/2022 08:40

(After they bought their own we have most of it to them, although we have a few books, drawings, schoolwork, Lego and duvet set for grandchildren here)

Oddbutnotodd · 17/08/2022 08:40

I always hate it when people assume that anyone over the age of 18 is a fully fledged financially independent adult ( mini rant over)

Back to the question; I realise many children actually don’t have the same attachment to their childhood possessions.
I would ask them; maybe take photos and then get rid of stuff or box it up.
My children are all living away from home most of the time but their possessions are still here. Given the cost of living crisis I’m not downsizing until they’re fully independent and settled.

Bouledeneige · 17/08/2022 08:41

I did this. I enjoyed going through the old paintings (not looked at it in years) and kept a selection. Both sorted their stuff and we only took sone of their old sentimental stuff.

Overall, as I was downsizing I got rid of 60 percent of all my stuff including furniture. It was v cathartic.

Ragwort · 17/08/2022 08:44

There's got to be a sensible balance ... I am mid 60s and helping my 90 year old DM sort through her 'stuff' ... she is pragmatic enough to realise it needs doing now rather than leave for someone else me to do when she dies. She still has stuff from her own childhood and mine Grin.

Babdoc · 17/08/2022 08:44

My attic is a “museum of childhood”! My DDs are in their early thirties, but are still in starter homes in expensive Edinburgh, so it will be years before they can move up the property ladder to places big enough to store all their childhood clutter.
I have lived in my present house for forty years, and all my memories of my lovely late DH are here. I have no intention of leaving, other than in a box. And having three spare bedrooms is v useful when the family come on visits.

Ragged · 17/08/2022 08:48

Favourite pillow case sounds OTT.
I like keeping a medium-size box of things per child of items, more is excessive.

FlipFlops4Me · 17/08/2022 09:13

My son took all the stuff he'd acquired from about 14 onwards. I kept his certificates. I gave him a wooden box and told him that every important piece of paper that came through the post was to be put in the box, and then he'd always have them at need. He still does it and he's in his 30's! I got rid of the other stuff. He'd taken every stick of furniture from his room, plus I gave him a load of kitchen stuff, bedding, plates & cutlery.

He's a professional musician and the thing I missed most when he left was the endless practice playing. He'd play by the hour and I missed it desperately. His music was the soundtrack in the house for years. He left me a huge Marshal gigging amp, a few other amps and several guitars until he moved into a much bigger place and had room for it all. We Whatsapp several times a week and I see him at least once a week and it makes such a difference.

maddy68 · 17/08/2022 09:14

I kept 1 box of sentimental stiff. And took photos of the rest I offered the rest to the kids. They kept a little bit and binned the rest

willowglass · 17/08/2022 09:23

My kids rooms are still their rooms even though they're at uni. They'll need them for a while yet. It's their safety net.

gingergiraffe · 17/08/2022 09:36

Our daughter had the only other double room in the house and left her room stuffed with everything! If anyone came to stay, it was as if she had never left. Lots of boxes of school stuff in the attic. It took until she was about 35 to go through it all and we at last had an almost spare room. Never in a position to buy her own place. Then a year ago she moved home to go back to uni for a complete change of career. Now the sheds, garage and two other spare room cupboards are stuffed with her things! Luckily, son has removed most of the stuff from his room, only a couple of boxes remaining, and the other son has not too much stuff remaining. Really just a drum kit and one big box. All the decent toys and books have now been brought out for the grandchild. Lots of lovely memories of our own children using them, especially as some books have sweet messages in them from long passed grandparents.

I have phases where it drives me mad but really, when people come to stay it is only for short periods and I know lots of houses have so little storage. It doesn’t really impact our lives and one day it will be gone. I have nothing from my childhood. Just a few photos, but growing up, I didn’t have many possessions and try not to be a hoarder like my mum!

PrimeMinAuguster · 17/08/2022 09:36

We've got another 4 years but placemarking anyway 😂. I'd like to think that we leave his room as is until he has finished uni.

Arucanafeather · 17/08/2022 09:45

We regift anything useable and keep photos as reminders of the memories. Their artwork and school reports etc go into keep sake boxes (with a couple of items of clothing that we kept for sentimental reasons). When they get their own place (permanent not uni conversation) then the kids already know they’ll be looking through their keep sake boxes and choose what to take with them and what they want to bin. Photos are the best momentos for me. I’m naturally messy and prone to melancholy so the least clutter possible and not attaching sentiments to objects works best for me. We have photos up everywhere and a couple of digital photo frames that play the photos in our online “favourites” album.

Arucanafeather · 17/08/2022 09:48

By regifting anything useful, I mean that when the kids grew out of their train track we did one last monster session took photos and passed the track onto someone who would use it them and there. I still get a twinge of loss whenever I see them have a quick play with someone else’s train track eg entertaining younger cousins but having been burgled and also having a husband who wasp prone to hording when I met him, I only keep something if I use it or if it adds joy to my life today. Anything that isn’t used today that I loved in the past gets a photo.

Cynderella · 17/08/2022 09:52

I don't think sorting through old finger painting efforts and moving into a smaller house necessarily means you have shut the door on your children. OP's moving into a smaller house, not a bedsit.

Iadorerain · 17/08/2022 10:03

Some people downsize do that their kids can’t return home after uni or in holidays

diamondpony80 · 17/08/2022 10:06

I keep a few pieces of schoolwork (usually the creative writing as it's so funny!) and art every year and bin the rest. I don't feel good doing it to be honest, but there's absolutely no point keeping all of it and cluttering up the house. I've kept a few favorite toys and things of sentimental value, and they will each have a box of their things to take with them when they go. After that it's up to themselves what they do with it.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/08/2022 10:27

Bimblybomeyelash · 17/08/2022 08:35

My parents downsized when I had just left uni. I was in a shared flat hundreds of miles away, with no car. And I was an unsentimental 21 year old. I was only able to carry one small box of things. Now I’m 40 with kids of my own and I’m sad about all the stuff that just got chucked. My kids play with my husbands old toys, and read his old books. But I haven’t really got anything from my
childhood.So If you have some space in your attic, I wouldn’t be too brutal.

I agree. My mum got rid of most of my sister's and my stuff. I don't even have my own room. It doesn't feel like coming home to me. Feels like my parent's place, not house I grew up in. No books, no art. My husband saved my favourite teddy bears and they are in my house now. He doesn't have anything, due to his mum being mentally ill and getting rid of all stuff, only thing he has left are pictures scanned by his father. Very sad.