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Child Maintenance

9 replies

user1484512193 · 16/08/2022 02:32

So... my eldest son's father and I split up 12 years ago and I always ensure my son regularly visits him every other weekend. At one point he refused to pay maintenance and even if I was a millionaire I fully believe he should try to provide emotionally and physically for his son. Due to him refusing to pay I went through the csa and an arrangement was set up in 2011. Between 2011 and 2014 he would pick and choose again when he paid. He then met a lovely lady who to this day I still class as my son's stepmom because she genuinely cared about my son. They then got married and even when he was being incorrigible, his wife made sure he paid me every week without fail. Get to 2019, they split and go through a messy divorce. He carries on paying me though so can't complain. In December 2021 he texts me to say he will be starting a new job on a lot more money and has also took on a tenant so he will help me more when he can. He then from December until now, periodically either pays maintenance late or not at all. I speak to the csa and they say because he has mostly paid on time since the claim started, they won't do anything. I am married myself and I work part time as I have two other children and my husband works 6 days a week. My middle child biologically isn't mine, she us my husbands, but I love her as though she is but since we went to court in 2018 to save her from an abusive environment, money has been super tight and we are still constantly playing catch up so I rely weekly on that money from my ex. It ensures that not only does my son have everything he needs but that a roof is over his head and bills are paid. Due to my ex not paying me now for the last two weeks as he said he has mitigating circumstances (he got married again to someone else and has booked two holidays) he can't pay me and refuses to talk about it. Knowing I also have my son's uniform to get and as he's in secondary school and has to have the logo on stuff and needs decent shoes, we are talking around £280 for the whole uniform and he hadn't contributed at all. We usually go halves every year on the uniform but because of his circumstances this year he refused to discuss. So...its now been two weeks since he has paid me so I contacted csa again and forwarded them my bank statements since Oct 2021 asking them to highlight all his entries, and note that he has paid me late or not at all and that now as a result of his constant lack of help, I have asked csa to do their collect and pay scheme backed by my husband and my sons stepmom. I'm apprehensive about this because I know how ignorant my ex can be. I also am worried incase they tell me no again and keep letting him get away with it. Its 230am now and I've had to leave paying for two bills this week to ensure I have enough money to pay my rent and council tax should he not cough up. I'm already in strict budgets for food shopping and utilities and because of being on a tight budget I generally only take my kids out on one big day out a year and now I worry I can't. Has anyone had to go through csa and do collect and pay and can you tell me how you got on? Also if you read all of this thank you so much.

OP posts:
FlyingSaucerss · 16/08/2022 02:51

I just opened a case and requested collect and pay and they did it straight away 🤷‍♀️ My ex is on benefits though so don’t know if that’s different so I only get £30 a week for 4 kids...

FlyingSaucerss · 16/08/2022 02:51

Sorry £30 a month!*

user1484512193 · 16/08/2022 03:13

We had an agreement in place and they yearly sent a letter stating how much he should pay and it's gone up and down but since dec yeah he hasn't paid... annoys me the most cos I know he has it but paying for his wedding and 2 holidays were more important... I think with his benefits maybe they just took it straight out so he'd know what he was budgeting. With my ex he's always worked and I haven't. I had a good job when I met him , had my eldest and he convinced me to quit, we then split so I did an apprenticeship and retrained and worked full time and missed out on so much with my son just to provide for him where his dad wasn't. Whatever the csa tell the dads to pay, it doesn't cover the full cost of what being a parent entails but it helps because it's a contribution. I get £35 a week (well I'm supposed to) and for example now cos my son is 13, his trainers are £40-60 a time as are his school shoes, he has hayfever bad so I'm always buying antihistamines and I do actually try and give my son some of the money sometimes when I can spare it so he's got pocket money.

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Lalala1 · 26/08/2022 13:30

When you ex misses a payment or pays less you should be reporting it to cms every time. Have u being doing that? Or just let him away with it and only now contacted cms?

Tomnooktoldmeto · 26/08/2022 14:24

Can’t help with CSA but antihistamine is 80p for a months supply from Amazon. We all take it and I buy it 8 boxes at a time for less than £7 delivered to your door

user1484512193 · 26/08/2022 14:50

I've been contacting csa since Jan everytime he's been late.

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Pebbledashery · 26/08/2022 15:16

Do you work? Whilst i fully agree with the fact he should be contributing.. I also believe people should never get themselves in a position where they rely on child maintenance to pay household bills etc.. The money can be so sporadic.
Cms should elevate the case to collect and pay with missed payments, not sure why they told you they can't do anything.

Lalala1 · 26/08/2022 17:41

user1484512193 · 16/08/2022 03:13

We had an agreement in place and they yearly sent a letter stating how much he should pay and it's gone up and down but since dec yeah he hasn't paid... annoys me the most cos I know he has it but paying for his wedding and 2 holidays were more important... I think with his benefits maybe they just took it straight out so he'd know what he was budgeting. With my ex he's always worked and I haven't. I had a good job when I met him , had my eldest and he convinced me to quit, we then split so I did an apprenticeship and retrained and worked full time and missed out on so much with my son just to provide for him where his dad wasn't. Whatever the csa tell the dads to pay, it doesn't cover the full cost of what being a parent entails but it helps because it's a contribution. I get £35 a week (well I'm supposed to) and for example now cos my son is 13, his trainers are £40-60 a time as are his school shoes, he has hayfever bad so I'm always buying antihistamines and I do actually try and give my son some of the money sometimes when I can spare it so he's got pocket money.

U said he hasn't paid since December so you haven't had any money from him at all since then? Only asking as you said you've contacted cms since January when it's late not missed?

user1484512193 · 27/08/2022 00:12

Been reporting every late and missed payment.

Yes I work. I have 2 jobs

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