Have I done mothering all wrong?

[Cherryblossoms85]

I'm watching Big Little Lies and probably taking the wrong message away from these rich SAHMs! I'm kind of regretting that I've gone against type and gone back to work within 6 months or so of each of my 3 DCs births. We had no need for me to work financially, and yet I went back to high pressure, senior jobs with travel. I don't really know why I was so selfish.The nanny sent me videos of their first steps and I saw nothing wrong with excitedly showing my colleagues this milestone I'd never see. Now that the youngest is soon starting school, I got a promotion and my DH has become a SAHD, finally, and I'm feeling weirdly resentful, even though I was keen as he is a far better home maker (all the DIY, sewing, outdoorsy; admittedly I cook ahead and do all the shopping and bills and admin)., And I earn more so it's not as big a hit. I have no mum friends, no network, no hobbies and now I kind of lose the kids as well. They've become so sullen and angry, feels like maybe I should have toed the line on the gender roles. They're going off on holiday and he's just going to shout at them.

You can’t change what you’ve done but you could change things now?
Ive got quite a few friends who gave up high pressure jobs when their kids started school. I always found that funny in a way because I thought (before having kids that is is) it was more important to be at home for the preschool years, but now that I do have kids - preschool and school age - I see that it’s actually the older ones that need me more.
Is there any scope for you and DH to both work part time so that you can get more time with the kids?

The part I don’t really understand is the kids being sullen and angry/DH shouting at them on holiday… that sounds like a different issue altogether? I’m sure your kids aren’t sullen because you’ve worked FT, but they might be sullen if their primary caregiver is always shouting at them?!

Yeah, you're right it's more than one issue. I need to find a way of it being home more but obviously with the economy being how it is, it may not be simple. We don't disagree on what behaviour we expect from the kids, but he's very disrespectful in how he speaks to them and seems really surprised that they're aggressive back. It's my 4 yr old DD who's the worst though. Biting and scratching her brothers and her father when she doesn't get her way.

Your problem is shouty dh
Why does he do that?
Will you get a holiday with dc ?
P s big little lives is not real life
But a good storyline on how abuse in the family manifests in small children
Get yourself a hobby
Doend time with dc when you not working

Maybe the first step then is having a calm chat about parenting styles? My DH has always been really receptive to parenting books/audiobooks if he feels like we need to change things a bit (we both agree on parenting style but also find ourselves slipping when things are stressful !)

Could you get some one on one time with your daughter when they’re back from the trip? For my daughter more so than for my sons I find she responds incredibly well to focused time from me, even short snippets.

Jesus Christ, it's all going on here.

@NC12345665 is there really a need for a comment like that?
OP, have a talk with OH and perhaps together you can both make changes..it's not too late

It sounds like a lot more going on than just you not being there TBH.

Does your DH really want to be the SAHP?

Oh get a grip. If you want to be home with your children then be home with them, if you want to work then work. It is 2022 do what you want your children aren't neglected either way and the fact that your in such a high powered job yet can't realise simple situations yourself is worrying - p.s giving the tough love speech which I think you need to hear, here