Workplace issues have left me unable to move from my own bed

[blaccat876]

Just seeking some advice/needing a bit of a rant
It's probably easier if I write it out as a "story" with pretend names.
So when I began work last year there's a group of girls let's call them anna, stacey and olivia. We form a group chat (quite quickly) and it ends up being a bit of a clique which is helpful at the beginning when no one knows each other. We have some nights out together, nights in and sleepovers. Everything is fine and hunky dory, until one day I notice one of them lets say olivia starts becoming randomly frosty with me, facing away from me duing meetings, sarcastic snappy comments. I was due to go on the work xmas do with her and get ready with her that week. I bring it up asking what the plans are and she snaps back that shes getting ready with someone else, because i can't respond in time and she's got screenshot evidence to prove this. I was taken aback at the hostility, even when I tried to say well shall I meet you at this other person's house and we can all get ready she walked off. I wondered if i'd done something to offend her but couldn't think what. Other weird behaviour started, so I ended up not being able to make that xmas party anyway due to coming off antidepressants and feeling grim. I had to take a few days off work which was agreed with my bosses with no issue. Thinking I could trust this girl group chat i was also confiding in there about it. I told said girl i could no longer make the party, then i didn't hear from her for 48 hours. No get well soon, nothing. When she did get back to me 2 days after it was all just about how someone i once expressed id had a crush on was buying her drinks all night and kissing her on the forehead. All this behaviour i put down as odd but not confrontable worthy at this point. She continued being off and sarcastic with me in further meet ups. It wasn't until I got a phonecall from a friend i could trust outside of this group let's call her jane. Jane warned me olivia had been going around the whole workplace bitching about my time off, saying i was "skiving" off work. It horrified me knowing that she knew the genione reasons which were personal about why id been off. At this point because it was now damaging and i had a reputation to uphold i confronted her about it all. I also pulled out of the girls holiday because i was no longer comfortable pretending i was ok with her behaviour. I predicted this would happen, but the other girls immedialtey took her side, said i'd upset her yet there was never any explanation about the behaviour. Even when I agreed to sit down in person for a chat after work, she had one of the other girls by her side bakcing her up and threw out tonnes more accusations of stuff id done. It was horrible. Since then, no one at work was the same with me, people would ignore me, approach me with weird comments such as am i coping. A few months down the line one of the original girls sent me a message saying the other girls agreed theyd like to invite me out and have a drink with me again. Obviously this all felt really unfair considering I was the one originally done wrong to and now it was like I was being "allowed" back into the group. But for the sake of telling myself I was being the bigger person , I agreed and went for a drink with them. The original girl who spread the rumours was being incredibly odd with me the whole time , making straight up rude comments that they could have all been clubbing but "had to do this instead". I felt like a complete burden and social outcast. Up until this i've also never had issues making friends. At the end of that night they mentioned a night out they'd planned for the following week and told me to come along. I agreed, and kept that night free especially. The week went by and I heard nothing from anyone, so I just assumed it wasn't on anymore. The next thing original girl is posting in the group chat saying "we've arrived where's everyone sat"-with no communication to me about this from anyone. I sat at home alone that night feeling so confused. I saw multiple gatherings after this of them all on social media stories, with no invite. I just accpeted they were being odd and high school like and resolved to try and avoid them at work and make different friends. I was happy with doing this until last week when I had no choice but to sit near one of them at lunch (not og girl). She was with some of the new recruits. She was ignoring me and giving me snide glances. Nothing new. Then she over hears me saying to one of the new recruits how at the moment i'm not so sure about the future and buts in going "to be honest its better for you to change career"-I was so hurt and so upset when they'd gone i was in floods of tears for an hour, and had to call my dad to calm me down and persuade me to go back to work becuase my confidence was on the floor. By that point I was done with giving any of them benefit of the doubt anymore, and straight up took them off my social media. The next thing today I wake up and the original girl has removed me from the whatsapp group. This is when I knew it was an issue she wants to have. I've felt so awful from everything I've been signed off work with stress. Just feel in such a horrible place at the moment. Feel like I've done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment all year

This is workplace bullying, afraid you need to raise it with HR as soon as you can.

How old are you all?

Same question as @BigSandyBalls2015 because this sounds like a group of kids in sixth form not a workplace friendship.

Good grief. How old are you all? What kind of workplace is this? Is it a call centre by any chance? It's reminiscent of when I used to do that kind of work.

There is no social obligation for you to be friends with people inside or outside of work. Them not including you outside of work isn't the bullying and isn't the issue.

The bitchiness in the workplace is, however a problem.

Is this a role you see yourself working in long term? Is it really the career you want - or at least, is it a career you could carry out for a different company or employer rather than deal with all this?

I tell a lie, this is more like my hat, but straw underneath, not blue fabric.

ah nuts, sorry, wrong thread!!

It does all sound very high school and I’m wondering if you’re young since you mentioned sleepovers…

Anyway, fuck them. Fuck. Them. All. These girls are arseholes (except Jane).

You need to speak to HR as this is bullying. You should also look for a new role in case this doesn’t result in them exiting the business. Nobody needs this in their life - in or out of work.

I’m really sorry you’re having a hard time.

I'm sorry you are in this situation, it sounds tough.

For the future though, lesson learned and all that. The people you work with are your colleagues. That does not mean that you shouldn't make friends with them, but sometimes the only thing you have in common is that you work together. It is a workplace and you're all there to work. It is nice to work with people you like, but stop relying on work colleagues for friendships.

You need to go to HR or a line manager immediately. Write it down what you want to say .
it’s bullying and very juvenile so you need to say something.
start looking for another job as if it’s making you feel like this no job is worth it but you definitely need to report it.

I knew this comment would be one of the first. It’s very unkind. Lots of young people are in work and even older people don’t necessarily know how to navigate the boundaries between work and friendship.

Regardless, the OP is very unhappy, no need to make her feel worse.

Tbh OP, I think you should look for a new job and make a fresh start. This set up is rotten to its core.

Theoretically you could raise a complaint of bullying and entrust your superiors to manage the work aspect of the situation but I sincerely doubt they will either act on it or nail it. The fact that the culture is so unpleasant suggests poor management.

Take a break, apply for new jobs, and learn from this. Keep your work life separate to your social life.

Oh my god work cliques are the worst 🙄

Just be glad you’re not in this little stupid crew anymore. Can you focus on speaking and giving attention to some new people who aren’t self centred drama queens. Speaking from experience so much condolences and support from over here. You got this xxx

So sorry you’re being bullied OP. But agree you need to raise it with HR and I’d focus on getting out of such a toxic environment. You’re far from alone, there was recently a thread on toxic workplace behaviour and many posters talked about being bullied by women. So, please it’s not anything about you, it’s that these women enjoy hurting other women.

Groups of woman can be terrible. I have this with a group of school mums. Started with one having an issue, there's a gaggle of them now.

No real advice. You can go to HR but ultimately what are they going to do? Make them be kind? I think that ship has sailed.

It doesn't matter how old they are.
The facts of the matter are that this is a shitty group of people that you need removed from your life. Ones that are having a significant impact on your mental health.

I'm not surprised you're signed off. What kind of sick pay do you get OP?

I suggest that when you are feeling well enough you start to look for another job. Also if you have a HR dept, contact them. With evidence if you can. Don't be fobbed off.

You sound incredibly young. My advice OP is to avoid entering into any very intense friendships at the workplace as it gets in the way of professionalism.

Is it care work? If so my experience that carrhones are cesspit of workplace bullying.

Don’t over share with work colleagues in future and never have sleepovers with them. I avoid even WhatsApp groups with colleagues if at all possible

@BlueWhaleBay it wasn’t meant to be unkind, it was a genuine question.

What have they been accusing you of op? You said they made accusations but not what they were and also that the issue came originally from the first woman saying you didn’t respond to her invite and she had th evidence.

I am assuming you are all very young, sleepovers, calling your dad etc?

Why does age matter?

I think age and profile of the employees does matter.

Yes absolutely the behaviours being shown in this workplace are wrong. The question is how to handle it.

If this is OPs first job, it's a group of apprentices acting immaturely then that needs to be raised to the apprenticeship provider who oversee the programme.

We can also reassure the OP that this isn't what work should look like in a more professional setting.

If OP and the other employees are in their 30s, have been working for a decade then I would recommend that OP needs to reframe her expectations of work friendships and raise with her Hr/manager the specifics relating to bullying.

I also agree age,profile is important and there is nothing unkind in asking and I’m unsure why the poster perceives it as such.

the advice you’d give someone who is a teenager/early twenties is fundamentally different to someone in their fifties.

She has done you a favour by removing you from the group, it was obviously a cause of great anxiety for you. You sound vulnerable and your mh fragile anyway. Is it the sort of work environment that will help and support you, bitchy colleagues aside. Do submit a complaint, as it will highlight the situation to your manager , but it may be difficult to see through. Does your mh count as a disability? Unfortunately you are unlikely to find the culture changes even if one or two of them moved on. Are there alternative organisations who may be more supportive?

I think a lot of the issue here is much of this has occured outside work. It’s the whole socialising together, going on holiday together, on each other’s social media, having their WhatsApp group, going clubbing, sleepovers, getting ready at each other’s houses. And the fall out has bled over into work ,but that’s stuff like “rumours” “being weird” “ignoring” which can be difficult to prove.

the root cause is I don’t think a work culture issue as such or likely even something management is fully aware of but is more a friendship group formed outside work, there were falling outs and it’s leaked into work.