Pretty overwhelmed with life.

[Droughtpout]

So I was just hoping for a bit of a rant and to speak to people who feel similarly.

As, the title says, I just feel so overwhelmed with life. I really don't understand how people around me are able to look after their family, house, career and health simultaneously! I feel like I can only ever be okay at one thing at a time.

I have two amazing little ones who are my absolute priority but I can't keep the house together for the life of me. I can't make healthy eating choices or find the energy to exercise. On top of that I dislike my job and have big ideas about what I want to do but no energy and motivation to do it. I'm often wracked with guilt about it all. Plus things have obviously got more difficult financially and everything is just feeling a bit bleak currently.

Is there a secret? How are people managing to do top mumming, keep a tidy house, look after themselves, their relationships and find fulfilment in their working life too?!

DH is very hands on and we are a good team but it still feels like we are drowning (often).

To be honest, more than answers, I'd just like to know that I'm not alone really.

You are not alone. I've been feeling overwhelmed with it all recently too.

No idea. Single mum of 1 and feel like I'm failing.

@Thejoyfulstar sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed too 💐

@Diamondinthesolesofhershoes that's a really tough feeling, I was thinking as I was typing how hard it must be doing it all as a single parent 💜

I still feel this way and my kids are teenagers/ early twenties. There's so much to do still, and working full time, 2 dogs to walk twice a day etc. I also feel to prioritize healthy eating or fitness. A work colleague has lost weight and was showing me loads of delicious looking health meals she had cooked and sourced rare ingredients for and I just felt crap that I just don't have the energy or motivation to do the same.

Yep constantly overwhelmed just recently. Only got one ds but single parent. He is 17. Just when it starts feeling easier it goes to pot again lol. It is the house that takes energy I find. We live near the m1 and the dust is insane. 5 mins away from the motorway in the car.

It is the dustiest house I have ever lived in in England. Second after Istanbul. Flippin ridiculous! Always dusting and wiping though I suppose I am opening the windows more evenings owing to the oppressive heat! Vicious circle. Dust breathe rinse repeat!

Honestly I'm skint but I find getting a cleaner every other week really helped. Also enlisting family to help out too with childcare.

I think some people are just better at pressure and multitasking than others! I have friends who are excellent copers and they really put me to shame!

Oh god me too. I feel so meh.

Got loads to do but feels like I have lost all impetus to do it. Got through shittest lock down times, loads of life changes, all for the better but exhausting. Now I just feel exhausted and so bored of myself. But I know I need one final push - to get teens into adulthood, to change jobs after stagnating, to actually divorce H instead of just being separated - and I just don't have the strength.

But still the kitchen side needs wiping and the dog needs a walk and DD needs her anxiety soothing and DS needs his self esteem boosting and my staff team need their expenses approving and the car needs fixing and on and on.

I think I'm feeling worse because I went on a small holiday and haven't come back a different and better person like holidays are meant to magically turn you into.

OP you are sooooooo not alone

I love the idea of a cleaner, sadly I'm so skint that I have taken on a cleaning job to add to my full time job and my Saturday job. I was wondering about setting up a cleaning circle with friends so we clean each others houses instead of our own. Just to feel less like ground hog day.

Oh hello my people!

Why, oh why, is there always SO MUCH to do?!

All I can say is me too, OP. I’ve got a 3 year old, pregnant with number 2, full time demanding job, extra study to do, a dog, a chronic medical condition which has a lot of admin/meds etc… DH really does pull his weight, but even then it’s hard. No matter how much I declutter the house is always a bit messy - particularly the bathroom and kitchen. Junk just seems to ‘appear’, things that have no obvious home. The dog constantly goes in the garden then walks mud or soil across the kitchen floor when she comes back in. DD has a mat under her high chair but still finds ways to drop food on the carpet. I have to work in the dining room so extra clutter. Just had our washing machine repaired after 2 weeks so got a huge laundry backlog. All I want to do is eat chocolate buttons and watch Netflix but I have to now drag my arse off the sofa and wash up, walk the dog and get ready for the day tomorrow.

I sympathise.

How old are your kids? My OH can be away 3 weeks sometimes and I work ridiculous hours as SLT in a school.

I get up earlier than I need to, I donall uniforms for 3 days at time. Snacks and packed lunches the night before. I meal plan for the week. Every Sunday I sit with the calendar and go through all commitments and apps for the week ahead. I do a list in my phone. I allocate jobs to my OH when he's home and he's really hands on. I run a shopping list as I remember things. Get a big monthly shop delivered that I keep in my basket and add and take stuff away.

My boys are pretty independent, they do some chores for pocket money. Bins out, washing etc. They are 9 and 12.

It's easy to think everyone has there together but honestly they probably don't. I definitely am one of those that has a game face on, stick my suit on in a morning and look like I'm nailing it but secretly i scoff my lunch while I do life admin 😂 I think organisation is the key.

It’s tough when you have little ones, but as long as they are loved and fed, cared for nothing else matters.

I expect the last thing you want is a reading recommendation, but longer term I would say have a read of Essentialism gregmckeown.com/books/essentialism/

Really, I think modern life is way too complicated. It can be really healthy to recognise that only certain things really matter, and to slough off the stuff that doesn't. Maybe this is what your feeling of overwhelm is telling you. Sit down with your partner and have a good chat about what your priorities are. See if you can find ways to simplify your life.

Oh, and lower your expectations. Perhaps you're expecting too much of yourself.

Thanks for the replies, it's reassuring to know it isn't just me but I'm also sorry that many people are feeling the same, it's tough stuff.

I have a baby and a pre-schooler @katieg03

@AgnestaVipers I really think you're on to something. I was thinking that things probably won't get easier, there will just be new challenges as life evolves and the little ones get older. So perhaps expectations and self compassion is key. I'd really like to live a simpler life but it feels like the modern world is not set up to allow this, if you know what I mean?

I do think it gets easier as they become a wee bit more independent. One thing we both did is go through our bank statements, check all our direct debits and have a bills account, a living account and savings account. There are always savings to be had. If you get any universal credit you can get discounted WiFi for example.

Feel the same OP but I wonder if part of this is having gone through the pandemic and now facing the winter with big bills and everything, life itself is pretty relentless just now and being busy on top, well it feels never ending

That is good to know @katieg03 thank you for all the tips.

I think you are right @heatissweet it does feel like one thing after the other. I know I may get judged for this but I want nothing more than to be a stay at home mum, while my kids are little so I can just really focus on them - but it's just not financially viable to do that. It just makes me a bit sad that everything is so expensive and there doesn't seem to be much of a choice anymore.

I could have written your OP word for word, and would love to go back to being a SAHM on very part time Hours. But alas, life. Sending solidarity. You're not the only one, fulfilling work, family, friends and fitness not happening over here either!

Thanks @Tonkerbea for the solidarity ☀️. Sorry you're finding it all overwhelming too.

I feel completely the same. The house I feel is just out of control at the moment, even though I'm constantly trying to keep on top of it all. My partner gets in from work quite late and I struggle to fit much in whilst with my 2 DC. My anxiety is through the roof and even the therapist doing CBT with me has said they don't think it's the right time for me.to be doing it!.

Anyway yes you are not alone,I need to start getting things in order really. Started following the organised mum and we also need to get a loft I think they would be helpful things for me!

I feel the same way often OP. I manage it by compartmentalizing my mind.

I don't seek fulfilment through work, that's just something that has to be done to pay the bills. I have a Positive Mental Attitude And Crack On approach to it, together with Smile And Nod And Let It All Wash Over Me when it comes to workplace drama. When I leave work I refuse to think about it from that point until I'm back in there again. It's a conscious choice and sometimes takes effort to keep reminding myself.

Being a good mum is enough nobody's perfect you don't need to be top mum. Love your kids, have some discipline and try to teach them how to behave decently in life. What more can anyone do?

I'm an introvert and I fall apart without me-time. Whether it's having a bath or walking the dog, I need an hour to be alone (animals don't talk so they don't count!) every day. It's sort of like meditation time but not as formal. I just try not to think too much and appreciate the moment of peace.

I started doing FlyLady which got me organised at home so now that's tidier and I have a morning and evening routine which makes life run smoothly.

I know this sounds twee but I think when you haven't got much the only way to survive it is to learn to be contented with and grateful for what you do have. I do get annoyed and want more sometimes but feeling that way isn't going to make it happen, it's only going to make me feel bad so what's the point?

I take nytol if I'm too stressed to sleep well because being tired only makes everything worse.

I prioritise my partner over my friends because I find friends tend to come into and out of my life as both our lives change but my partner will always be there (hopefully!). I don't mess friends around, but I won't commit to doing something if I'm not 100% sure I'll be able to go through with it for whatever reason.

There are ways to simplify modern life but you're right the world isn't set up for it, so you have to be strict with fighting for and maintaining simplicity within your own family life. I definitely don't have everything sorted but this is how I try to cope. You sound really pressured, give yourself a break. I like the quote about one day when you're on your death bed thinking back about your life, will whatever-it-is matter? If it wouldn't, then it doesn't matter now either.

I feel like this and I don’t even have kids. I’ve just got a cleaner every other week and I feel so useless for not being able to keep on top of things. I think with technology it’s not really possible to live a simple calm life anymore.