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Original poster

To think she's not in the position to moan about this - cost of living payment.

27 replies

Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 18:28

Me and dh are still in receipt of tax credits, we have two dc, both have additional needs and get DLA and I get Carers. DH works and earns an okay wage, but not overly high hence the top up. I've had to give up work for now as I couldn't manage it around dc's needs.

we are struggling with money. The cost of bills, food, fuel etc as many of us are. Crap situation!

recently at in laws we got onto the topic of conversation regarding cost of living payment. I said that people on tax credits are meant to get it in autumn and I hope we do as it will help hugely.

mil proceeds to tell me how it's unfair that they don't get it despite that her and her husband works and they should get it too. Unfair as I'm not working and they both are etc. Typical crap people throw around.

I do get it, to some extent. I think there should be more help for everyone. Many working families are struggling and get no help, I can totally sympathise. I'm not disregarding that. The current situation sucks for so many people whatever their situation is.

but the In laws themselves are on their 5th foreign holiday this year next, they eat out at posh restaurants, they go away on British weekends away etc. They are going abroad again towards the New Year. They had two holidays abroad in 3 weeks a couple months ago!!

they aren't bloody struggling ^^ and they have the audacity to complain that we will hopefully get the cost of living over them. We haven't had a holiday in 8 years!! We don't eat or or anything. They aren't struggling.

are some people that narrow minded about people who are actually struggling? Complaining when they can afford to go abroad multiple times in a year.

I feel like the whole cost of living payment is bringing out a lot of judgment in people.

OP posts:
TinySophie · 15/08/2022 18:34

I feel like the whole cost of living payment is bringing out a lot of judgment in people.

You are not wrong there. Look at the first post in this thread for a good recent example.

CuriousCatfish · 15/08/2022 18:37

TinySophie · 15/08/2022 18:34

I feel like the whole cost of living payment is bringing out a lot of judgment in people.

You are not wrong there. Look at the first post in this thread for a good recent example.

😂

Runwalkskijump · 15/08/2022 18:40

TinySophie · 15/08/2022 18:34

I feel like the whole cost of living payment is bringing out a lot of judgment in people.

You are not wrong there. Look at the first post in this thread for a good recent example.

This.

You are judging people yourself OP

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Cost of living
Original poster
Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 18:48

What am I judging? Just observing they've been on holiday 5 times, a fact not a judgment!

OP posts:
Original poster
Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 18:56

TinySophie · 15/08/2022 18:34

I feel like the whole cost of living payment is bringing out a lot of judgment in people.

You are not wrong there. Look at the first post in this thread for a good recent example.

I don't get it? I literally mean it's bringing in a lot of hate towards people that claim benefits etc. I've seen some awful things written about people who claim benefits or get the cost of living payments. Needs to be less of the hate and less stereotypes!

my partner earns 32 grand a year (before tax) and we still get some tax credits ^ as in op. Most people who claim are working!

OP posts:
Snoken · 15/08/2022 19:03

My SIL complains about the increase in cost of living and it really irks me. The reason being they have two kids, one now adult and doesn’t live at home, they live in a 5-bed house, she hasn’t worked for years, her husband is a well paid partner at work, they go on holiday 3-5 times a year, always out socialising. They have £1m+ in savings + hefty pensions coming their way in a few years. They still like to speak loud and clear about how they can’t afford to heat their house, that they have to wash their clothes in cold water, they only shower every other day, they have to go foraging for food etc. Yet the next weekend they head to their second property in London and go out to shows and restaurants. It’s just insulting to those who actually can’t afford to eat/heat/travel etc and don’t have a massive massive savings account.

not saying that wasting resources isn’t a good thing, it’s just how they always complain about it when it’s actually not a real problem for them.

Original poster
Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 19:10

@Snoken her life sounds comfortable. I honestly think some people are a bit naive and don't realise what it's like to struggle. we are probably in a better financial situation than a lot of people, but still we don't have a lot spare! We have a grand total of £0 in savings as had to use what little we had on house repairs and saving money is impossible at the minute. It's never bloody ending! I've been a single mum on benefits too (I had my oldest son with now estranged ex and he left me penniless and had no choice to claim). I never had a lot of money but I was stereotyped as being a scrounger!

OP posts:
TinySophie · 15/08/2022 19:12

Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 18:48

What am I judging? Just observing they've been on holiday 5 times, a fact not a judgment!

Of course it is, you’re judging that they are in no position to moan.

There are mothers selling their children right now in Afghanistan who could say that you are in no position to moan either until you’re in their position.

TinySophie · 15/08/2022 19:14

Userno3638927472 · 15/08/2022 18:56

I don't get it? I literally mean it's bringing in a lot of hate towards people that claim benefits etc. I've seen some awful things written about people who claim benefits or get the cost of living payments. Needs to be less of the hate and less stereotypes!

my partner earns 32 grand a year (before tax) and we still get some tax credits ^ as in op. Most people who claim are working!

Show quote history

You aren’t doing yourself any favours at this point. That’s a good wage, you could work too, you get benefits and yet you are moaning about others.

Just try to be grateful for what you have, things could be a whole lot worse.

Babyroobs · 15/08/2022 19:15

Your parents will get the £400 credited to their electricity account. They must surely understand that there has to be a cut of for giving even more help to the ones on means tested benefits? Are they a bit dim or something. Why would someone able to afford 5 foreign holidays even think they should qualify.

musicandpassion · 15/08/2022 19:16

You think £32k is an "okay wage, not overly high"? There are plenty who don't earn £32k and don't get top ups either. Sounds like you're in a fairly good position yourself OP, what are you moaning about?

Babyroobs · 15/08/2022 19:19

musicandpassion · 15/08/2022 19:16

You think £32k is an "okay wage, not overly high"? There are plenty who don't earn £32k and don't get top ups either. Sounds like you're in a fairly good position yourself OP, what are you moaning about?

Op will likely only be currently getting tax credits because she has 2 disabled children so will be getting disability premiums which boost it a lot and rightly so because caring for disabled children 24/7 and not being able to work means extra help for that very reason. Many others may be earning 32k and get nothing but that will likely be because they are both able to work and have less kids or kids that are not disabled. Op please just ignore people trying to make you feel bad about claiming top ups on 32k.

musicandpassion · 15/08/2022 19:24

I'm not knocking people who get DLA and top ups for disabled children. I'm just saying there are people in worse positions that don't earn £32k or get top ups. £32k is not an "okay wage" in my eyes, it's a good one.

BEAM123 · 15/08/2022 19:27

It's all a bit of a bandwagon isn't it.
I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the hugely high energy bill figures bandied around by the media. But my bills were previously 60% of the 2021 energy cap and I have managed to half my usage in the last few months, so mine won't rise as high as that, not for another couple of price cap rises anyway.

So your in laws are probably like me, they can currently AFFORD to pay for their usage at the forthcoming higher rates, they just don't WANT to. And I am angry that the govt. aren't doing anything, because so many people are going to suffer and be under even more stress than the last couple of years, and the whole thing is appalling.

It sounds like your in laws have jumped on the 'I can't afford the bills' bandwagon and it is thoughtless. You would think they would have more understanding of your situation looking after their grandchild.

I do think that as people get older and their lives become more stable and easier, they can tend to be in a bit of a bubble about how other people are struggling and how things are actually a lot harder now than when they were young. I am also guilty of that.

hotfroth · 15/08/2022 19:27

What's that old saying, that in polite company you should never discuss sex, religion or politics?

In recent times, another has been added to the list: money.

Saves a lot of hassle.

Babyroobs · 15/08/2022 19:28

musicandpassion · 15/08/2022 19:24

I'm not knocking people who get DLA and top ups for disabled children. I'm just saying there are people in worse positions that don't earn £32k or get top ups. £32k is not an "okay wage" in my eyes, it's a good one.

It may be an ok wage if you can have 2 of you both earnings it or even one earning less but when one has very little chance of being able to work now or in the future due to disabled children, then it really isn't great. I mean maybe if you live somewhere where house prices or rents are cheap it may be do-able, but not in most areas.

Livelovebehappy · 15/08/2022 19:35

There are a lot of people just above the bread line who get nothing, apart for the £400 given to us all this autumn, and I think that’s where the unfairness lies. There’s nothing for that group of people.

HairyKitty · 15/08/2022 19:35

Ops household income is actually equivalent to a lot more than 32k - with tax credits, 2 x DLA and carers, and since much of it is untaxed it’s quite possibly equivalent to a salary of 50k or more.
I’m not quite sure how it’s equitable for this household to receive the top up when other families earning the same amount will get nothing. But that is obv government policy not the ops fault, I’m just suggesting another perspective here.

0pheIiaBalls · 15/08/2022 19:48

DH earns £25k. I can't work as I have rheumatoid arthritis, but I'm not entitled to any benefits (I've applied for PIP and was turned down). We have no other income.

I'm genuinely glad that those who need help are getting it (as well as incensed that prices have been allowed to rise to the point that help is needed in the first place). And those who judge others for getting the help they're entitled to get right on my tits.

But OP, while your MIL is BU, you are a bit, too. £32k is far better than an 'ok' wage in most parts of the UK. We would love to be on that much. I'm glad that the payments will ease the strain on you a bit, but I agree with PP that families on a lot less than yours (and with disabled members) should be getting more help, too. A sliding scale might be difficult to implement but I do think it would be fairer.

TinySophie · 15/08/2022 19:50

Babyroobs · 15/08/2022 19:28

It may be an ok wage if you can have 2 of you both earnings it or even one earning less but when one has very little chance of being able to work now or in the future due to disabled children, then it really isn't great. I mean maybe if you live somewhere where house prices or rents are cheap it may be do-able, but not in most areas.

Show quote history

If course they can work, they have evenings and weekends available.

Lifeisgood1 · 15/08/2022 19:53

Just for context my husband earns £20k full time. We have 4 children 2 with additional needs and I am a carer for one as she has high complex needs. We have to budget constantly and I buy second hand. We struggle and this winter is a worry. But I do think you husband is on a pretty decent income. Can you look at your outgoings and make some changes? We managed a holiday this year - camping. But it is doable

LadyKenya · 15/08/2022 19:57

hotfroth · 15/08/2022 19:27

What's that old saying, that in polite company you should never discuss sex, religion or politics?

In recent times, another has been added to the list: money.

Saves a lot of hassle.

This. It is something I never discuss with people or family. What I earn/ benefits I may or may not receive is my business. People can not criticise what they do not know.

lastminutedotcom22 · 15/08/2022 20:01

@Userno3638927472

£32k is a very good salary and a lot more than a lot of families earn plus getting top ups from tax credits mean your eligable for lots of other extras

I think maybe you need to go thru your bills and budget a bit perhaps this should be do-able really

If childcare is an issue with the kids then get a job to work evenings/ weekends when he's home to bring in some more money perhaps.

I think most families are worried about money atm we've all got to cut our cloth accordingly

NagevMama · 15/08/2022 20:02

I think a lot of people forget that DLA isn't 'extra household money', it is for facilitating the best life of the disabled child. I am an unpaid carer for our disabled son and we've spent a hell of a lot more money due to his disability than we've ever received in DLA. And that is mostly due to the fact the NHS is so underfunded that we've had to pay out of pocket for what (15 years ago) would have been provided by the NHS. E.g. A specialist bed, a junior wheelchair suited to his needs, a specialist vehicle that fits all his equipment because you can't get the mobility part of DLA until the child is 3 and we needed it before that, therapy equipment, hiring a speech and language therapist because the NHS therapist is only funded for a pityful amount of therapy, a private physio, private occupational therapy reports, Educational psychology reports... I could go on.

On top of that, there's the cost of running said medical equipment, which will go up soon. E.g. Motorised bed, hoist, feeding pump etc. Then there's the need to have the heating on more due to medical issues.

So for all the people saying that a family receiving DLA/Carers Allowance will have a large overall income, yes maybe, but they have much, much larger outgoings than the typical family too.

Lightning020 · 15/08/2022 20:03

0pheIiaBalls · 15/08/2022 19:48

DH earns £25k. I can't work as I have rheumatoid arthritis, but I'm not entitled to any benefits (I've applied for PIP and was turned down). We have no other income.

I'm genuinely glad that those who need help are getting it (as well as incensed that prices have been allowed to rise to the point that help is needed in the first place). And those who judge others for getting the help they're entitled to get right on my tits.

But OP, while your MIL is BU, you are a bit, too. £32k is far better than an 'ok' wage in most parts of the UK. We would love to be on that much. I'm glad that the payments will ease the strain on you a bit, but I agree with PP that families on a lot less than yours (and with disabled members) should be getting more help, too. A sliding scale might be difficult to implement but I do think it would be fairer.

Have you appealed the PIP decision as this is very common to be refused?