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Original poster

Daughters boyfriend messaging other girls

18 replies

Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 17:36

I’ve been told today that my DD’s boyfriend DMs lots of other girls on social media asking them to meet up.

I’ve no idea if this is true but apparently a number of people told the person who told me similar stories at an event this weekend.

They are both 18 and currently on a holiday that my DD paid for as a birthday present for him.

I won’t say anything whilst they’re away but I’m wondering should I say anything at all? As I’ve no idea if this is true. If it is true I feel so sad for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 18:07

I meant to add that they’ve been together 2.5 years and whilst I realise they’re so young it’s unlikely to last, I still think she deserves to be treated with respect.

If he wants to date other girls fine but finish things with my DD first.

of course he might’ve done nothing and I’m worrying needlessly

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balalake · 15/08/2022 18:14

If this is true, worth saying something. Not exactly a time of year where you could be asking for help with an A level/BTEC subject.

JubileeTissues · 15/08/2022 18:21

Imagine finding out your mum knew he was a skanky cheat and didn't tell you! Of course you tell her, I don't understand what an A level would have to do with anything though.

Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 18:22

That’s my problem though, I don’t know if it’s true. I’m inclined to think there must be something to it as more than one person had a similar story but I have no evidence and wasn’t told directly.

It’ll break her heart if it is true but I think I’m going to have to say something when they’re home.

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Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 18:23

I’m not sure how she would find out if it’s true or not, unless someone showed her a DM and I wouldn’t know who these girls are to ask.

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Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 20:27

Wondering if anyone else has any thoughts about how I should approach it

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deepbreath · 15/08/2022 20:47

Please tell her when she gets home. She may decide to talk it through with him and it may not be the end of their relationship, even though your opinion of him will probably have changed. She has the right to know what he's up to, but it is ultimate her decision what she does about it.

My dd is a year older and she discovered that her bf of almost 3 years had been seeing someone else. Nobody saw it coming, they seemed happy enough and there had been talk of them getting engaged. Someone (not me) told her and she finished it - it upset her way less than I thought it would. I think us parents were more bothered! She gave him a chance to talk it through and he chose not to turn up. She is currently enjoying life, seeing friends and is still in touch with his family but is not missing him at all. By contrast, I heard that the ex is not very happy.

rwalker · 15/08/2022 21:03

I wouldn’t be dropping any bombshells unless I knew it was true

Namenic · 15/08/2022 21:19

Perhaps talk to her about what you heard (but be clear you don’t have proof). Perhaps she could ask friends to ask around? Or maybe she has had suspicions or would in the future?

Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 15/08/2022 21:29

I think I’m going to at least have to tell her what I’ve heard. I don’t think I’ll be able not to.

Just wish I could be a bit more definite about whether or not it’s true. I hate rumours but because more than one person had a similar story I feel like this might be a bit more than rumour.

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Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 17/08/2022 20:42

I’m really struggling with not telling her until she’s back. She’s sending me photos and videos of them having the best time and being really loved up and it’s breaking my heart that the first thing I’m going to do when she gets back is burst her bubble.

Would anyone say anything to her whilst they are still away?

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Pompom2367 · 17/08/2022 20:47

Definitely wait till she is home rather than risking it all blowing up when they are not in the country

Aquamarine1029 · 17/08/2022 20:50

Do NOT say anything to her whilst she's away. That could be dangerous and wouldn't help anything.

You need to tell her exactly what you were told when she gets back.

Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 17/08/2022 20:51

I know it’s makes sense to wait but I feel like her whole romantic holiday is a sham, as the more time that’s passed since I found out the more I think there must be something to it.

I feel somehow complicit I think as I know something she doesn’t

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Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 17/08/2022 20:52

I won’t say anything until she’s home.

I’m picking them both up from the airport and it’ll kill me not saying something the minute I see them but I won’t until we’re on our own

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Amdone123 · 17/08/2022 20:58

Did you post about your dd before- the dilemma of booking a holiday, then they split up ?
Apologies if it's a different poster - I only ask because I'm wondering if their relationship was on rocky ground before they went away ?
If you didn't, then yes, I agree with others - wait til she's home.
It's really difficult so best of luck.

Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 17/08/2022 21:01

No I’ve not posted before, they seemed really happy and still do, only now I know all is not what it seems.

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Original poster
Overinvolvedmum · 21/08/2022 22:58

She’s home and had the most amazing time.

I’ve not said anything yet, I really don’t want to burst her bubble.

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