How to work when caring full time?

[Blue4YOU]

Hi all

sorry for the essay:

I’m a full time carer for my disabled DD. She started school last year but in reality attended about 2/3 of the time. She was very ill and hospitalised at the end of September last year.

Anyway, before she started school there was absolutely no way I could work. My DH works but is self employed and income is variable and around £20,000 or something like that.

we don’t qualify for UC or any other form of income related benefits because we have savings from sale of our previous house which is what we will spend on the extension and extensive renovations to the house we bought to live in for DD.

We have no-one to help care for her so once school is out (the six weeks of summer 😫) or she’s sick it’s down to me.

I really want to retrain as a paralegal so I can work part time/be self employed but in the meantime I’m broke and I really hate it! We get DLA and carer’s allowance but it’s difficult to live off just that with birthdays, Christmas a dog that has had surgery twice this year, school uniform, clothes, petrol - you get the idea.

if you were me, how would you earn money (even enough just to pay for training)? My DD doesn’t sleep well and needs care in the night too)

I think your dh could look to secure a higher wage. How many hours does he do SE for that income? Are his hours able to done around you or does he have to do traditional 9-5?

Additionally, how essential are the house refurbishment plans? You must have over 16k in the bank for this to affect benefit entitlement. Have you scrutinised how much of the planned work is essential and how much is more of a luxury? You aren't broke as you have access to money in the bank.

Are you able to work remotely for the qualifications you need for your planned job? Weekends and evenings.

Agree that it’s probably more feasible for your OH to increase his income. If he’s self employed but not getting regular / enough work then he needs to consider that the family can’t afford for him to be self employed.

You don’t need expensive retraining or qualifications to work - at entry level paralegal wages with the possibility that you’ll never be able to work more than a few hours a week around your DC I’m not sure the cost outlay would be worth it. Have you looked into casual school / charity Board clerking, remote PA or admin roles?

Hi @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz and @ComtesseDeSpair
thank you for answering
DH works as a counsellor.. so he probably could do more hours but a lot of the outlay is his office hire, which he can’t really change just yet.
We have a lot of savings - our previous house left us with £45,000 profit as we moved to a tiny bungalow.
The extension is definitely a must have, literally nothing is extravagant- I expect it to cost £100,000 before VAT and hopefully the council will fund the disability part.
We have to build a new bathroom that can accommodate a ceiling hoist and have wheelchair turning space (council requiring this) even though DD will probably never manage one independently (hard to say). Current bathroom is tiny.
We have to have a new front door so the existing tiny bedroom is the only access point for that so we lose that bedroom.. so have to build another.
As bathroom is going into the living room have to extend current living room and kitchen (because it’s riddled with mould) and our house is on a crazy slope.
Anyway, extension aside - I get it we aren’t broke (see savings) but it will be all used up for the extension. We’ve had endless problems- for two years - trying to get a builder. The extension would have originally been about £70,000 (thank you Brexit).

I suppose I want to be able to have independence and not just fester away because my child is disabled. I’m pretty well qualified but my degrees are academic rather than practical so I worked in the civil service for 11 years and then for Macmillan.

Id scrub floors at this point because I’m caught in the I can’t spend any money situation for five years now.

I clerk around my DH working and he works from hime so can meet the school taxi etc.

Even though it might not make a difference financially, you might feel much better if your DH worked part-time and you worked part time too. His role isnt so high earning that you couldnt match it. Even if he did 4 days if counselling just cant be done in 3, you could get one day to focus and not fester away.

Thanks @AntlerRose - that’s I suppose what makes most sense!!

Your DH may be better off moving to an employed role if his counselling training is suitable. Universities are trying to recruit all kinds of counsellors and therapists, the salaries are pretty reasonable (40k at mine) and decent leave, flexibility etc.

Your existing qualifications and skills must be transferable to something - what did you do in the civil service? Paralegal training contracts are notoriously difficult to obtain, and apart from the cost, it’s going to be hard trying to undertake one when you can’t rely on your DC’s school attendance being reliable and your DH being self employed means he doesn’t get paid time off. If paralegal particularly interests you then I’d initially look into casual governance and Board support work. I’m a full time Co Sec but have a “side hustle” in this area, schools and small charities generally look for some level of admin experience and confidence working with Boards.

As a counsellor could DH take an employee role, even if only part time, and then extra work on top through his own practice?

Not the point, but have you considered flexible training as a paramedic?
I work for Irwin Mitchel and went to a presentation about our apprenticeship programme this week.

There really isn't much money in counselling unless he can get permanent job and then maybe freelance on top. Would there be a possibility of you working, him doing the caring and maybe some counselling to top up?

I'm in a similar boat. I've been a stay at home carer for autistic DS, who is about to start year 1, finally sleeping, and has now got a diagnosis and a place in a suitable school, so hopefully a reduction in meetings and appointments.

Finally feel like I might be able to handle some kind of work on top, but still trying to work out what, as there's not really any child care that would be suitable, especially over school holidays. So far my ideas are either work term time in a school or work nights so opposite to DH.

Also debating wether to go very part time (10/11 hours?) so I keep the carers allowance, or if I'll manage enough hours that I can afford to lose the £70 (it's a cliff edge so working 11-18h would net less then 10h)

Has dh always had this job? It's a bit of a luxury being able to do SE and bring in a low wage but do it for enjoyment.

He needs to do either fewer hours and shoulder the caring aspects so you can work ft and bring in a good wage or swap to a fairly paid job so you can all afford to live and fund the extension.

I'd assume the 20k role is post house move? Just couldn't imaging securing a mortgage on 20k income with a child.

I think you're post is a little insensitive. Any house renovations, especially now, are expensive. 16k wouldn't get you much at all. It sounds like the OP is trying to future proof her house for her daughter who will need very specific and expensive adaptations. An entirely sensible thing to do.

No, I'm saying she must have at least 16k in the bank so saying she is broke is not really correct as she has access to cash now.

I agree - adaptations sound like they are required, but oftentimes people include preferences over need. The OP has since clarified what she needs (and how much she has in savings). But there is the potential that "guest bedroom" or "conservatory" or "garden office" may have been on the list - none of which would be essential.

As I said though, she has since clarified what she needs to do. Still doesn't mean she is broke.

Definitely DH needs a regular salaried job, plenty of private occupational health/ Employee assistance programme companies will
hire a qualified counsellor

Thank you all!! I really appreciate it.

I do think DH is onto a winner in terms of his happiness versus income.
But our lives have been tough so I don’t force it, though maybe I should. (We lost our first DD full term and lots of other nasty things).

@KatyN - it’s weird you say that because it’s my dream part time job but I’m 47 - I think I’m not fit enough (could certainly drive an ambulance though!)

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz
It is post house sale but also I was the high earner before I had DD.
previously I worked in a few legal roles in the civil service-presenting in tribunals/caseworker (hence thinking paralegal).

@Blue4YOU crossed wires!! Your first message says paralegal! No ambulance driving in that!

@KatyN Oh ha ha ha!! I secretly hoped you meant paramedic I guess. Sorry I misread!

@KatyN - sorry you said paramedic which is why I temporarily got excited- I will look into the apprenticeship scheme you mention