Not a nice feeling

[Fivehearts]

How do you cope when you see someone else living the life you wanted?

I only wanted to be a mum but difficulties with my child's health meant I only had one. Now I watch my nephew with his two children doing all the things I did (eg Disney, theme parks etc) but with two children who will share those memories.

I feel like my child was robbed and it's not fair the hand some people are dealt.

I know that some people have it far far worse and I sound a bit childish maybe. Sorry, just struggling.

Anyone?

If you went out to places with your child why are feeling upset that you nephew is doing the same with his kids

The life I want doesn't resemble the life you want at all; but yes, I do feel jealous, sometimes insanely so, if I see someone else living 'my' dream. You just have to 'count your blessings' and get on with the life you have; or (if possible) take steps to bring your life closer to the dream one, even if it's something you can never fully have.

Have you ever tried counselling to explore your feelings?

There are all sorts of trite things to say about being grateful for what you have, the grass is not always greener, comparison is the thief of joy - I'm not sure if any of that helps. You need to find a way to vent your feelings and come to terms with them. Having a child with health problems can be traumatising and you need to address the trauma to process the experience and avoid clinging on to it and draining yourself.

I think you might be idealising life with more than one child a little, there's no guarantee that siblings will get along or want to spend their lives trading sweet memories of childhood. On the other hand, I'm sure plenty of only children make close childhood friends they can share memories with in later life.

Good luck!

You focus on gratitude for what you do have.

You acknowledge what you are sad about but you focus on loving what you have and making the best if it.

There is no guarantee that, if you have 2 children, they will get on with each other. You might see the pics but what if behind the scenes the kids were squabbling, or wanted to do different things at the theme park. I know my DD would have preferred to be an only child.

With 1 child you have perhaps more scope to include a friend of theirs in such outings, which they are likely to appreciate more than a sibling.

Honestly OP: nobody ever gets to beyond about the age of 13 with their childhood trip to Alton Towers or Disneyland with their sibling being the best memory of the best time they’ve ever had. Your child hasn’t been robbed: they’ll in every likelihood have an adulthood with a partner and lots of good friends.

You say you always wanted to be a mum and you’re a mum. Having one child gives you the opportunity to focus more on the child you have and being able to give them more experiences and attention than if you had several. It might help to see it that way.

Thank you everyone!