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Original poster

Am I wrong not to show sons dad?

19 replies

Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 16:40

Our son is 7 he has autism. Moderate communication difficulties and is about 2 years behinde in education. He's recently been given EHCP.

So there's quite a long detailed report talking about his needs/difficulties ect. The last time I showed his dad a report he got quite funny about it. was swearing and his tone was quite nasty . And he made me feel really shit. So I decided I'm not showing him anymore reports. I keep him in the loop and let him know generally what's going on . Like he's going to have a 121 at school and that sort of thing but i don't go into details.

When I mentioned about the 121 he admitted that its taken him a few years to accept that our son has special needs. So now he's said this, should I let him see the reports . I do feel bad that I have kept them back. But also I did not want to be made to feel shit .

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 14/08/2022 16:43

His overacting really wasn't justified swearing and taking his frustration out on you really is not on,did he apologise? Yes I think you should show him his sons reports he doesn't get to opt out because he cannot cope.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 14/08/2022 16:47

Just tell him which authority you /ds worked with and he can ask them for a copy.

RedHelenB · 14/08/2022 16:50

I think he needs to contact school to get this info himself ( assuming you are not together) if you are together yabvu to hold this info back.

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OutDamnedSpot · 14/08/2022 16:55

Do you mean reports from Ed Psych / paediatrician etc? Surely it would help your son if his dad saw those as it might help him understand a bit better? Would he also be open to attending training if he’s a bit more accepting now?

Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 16:56

I think there's a slight misunderstanding. Its not about If he can physically get the report. He can easily have a copy from me. Its just when he got nasty about it I stopped showing him because he made me feel shit and I don't see why I should be made to feel that way. That's why I stopped showing him.

But now he's admitted that he found it hard to except maybe I could give it a chance and show him the reports.

OP posts:
chantico · 14/08/2022 17:01

I think you retaliating because he made you feel like shit back then needs to be put in the past.

Show him the reports.

Its better for DS to have two informed and engaged parents on his side

If his DDad is a shit again, then obvs you reconsider. But right now there’s a change for improvement, and I think DS is worth it

RandomMess · 14/08/2022 17:05

Ask him if he'd like to see a copy of the reports or whether he's not ready yet?

Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 17:05

OutDamnedSpot · 14/08/2022 16:55

Do you mean reports from Ed Psych / paediatrician etc? Surely it would help your son if his dad saw those as it might help him understand a bit better? Would he also be open to attending training if he’s a bit more accepting now?

Yes that's what I mean. I think he has got better with him generally he seems a bit more understanding of him. I'm just a bit worried where I keep it really basic and just say for example he's a couple years behinde at school so he's getting a 121 for extra help and I leave it at that. The reports will explain it deeper than that. And then his dad might get stroppy again. But if he's got better maybe I should give him a chance.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 14/08/2022 17:11

photocopy the report (libararies offer a copier) and post a copy to him.

weewill · 14/08/2022 17:12

Could you do it with a mediator ?

cherrypiepie · 14/08/2022 17:14

Are you together still? The title reads like you are not, but then the rest of to post do?

I think it is confused a few PP stating he can resist them himself.

Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 17:18

2bazookas · 14/08/2022 17:11

photocopy the report (libararies offer a copier) and post a copy to him.

That's not the issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 17:23

cherrypiepie · 14/08/2022 17:14

Are you together still? The title reads like you are not, but then the rest of to post do?

I think it is confused a few PP stating he can resist them himself.

We are together but we don't live together. We don't have a standard relationship. It'd hard to explain. But it works for us.

OP posts:
ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 14/08/2022 17:38

Lf you're together, albeit not living together, how involved is he in the day to day, did he not come to assessment meetings etc? I mean, he's being a dick, or has been, but I do think you need to show him the report. Whether he reads it or not, acts on it or not is out of your hands, but any dickery surrounding it needs to be met with pretty short shrift. EHCPs and 121 support aren't easy to get so you must have some fight in you..apply it to him.

BeanieTeen · 14/08/2022 17:49

You can tell him you have a report, that’s all I would say. If he wants to read it he can they say ‘can I see it please.’ It’s not your job to put it under his nose. It’s also not your job to try and pleasantly reword it all for him.
Good job you don’t have his attitude though, where would your DS be then? Presumably you deal with most things regarding your child. He sounds like a useless parent. I think you living apart is a good start, but you could take it a step further. Let me guess, you live with DC doing all the parenting and your partner is back living with his mum being parented again by her?

Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 17:57

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 14/08/2022 17:38

Lf you're together, albeit not living together, how involved is he in the day to day, did he not come to assessment meetings etc? I mean, he's being a dick, or has been, but I do think you need to show him the report. Whether he reads it or not, acts on it or not is out of your hands, but any dickery surrounding it needs to be met with pretty short shrift. EHCPs and 121 support aren't easy to get so you must have some fight in you..apply it to him.

It's hard for him to get time of work. Also some of it was during covid so only 1 parent was allowed in the room. With the EHCP and 121 the school helped me alot . They practically done it for me. They have been really good.

OP posts:
Original poster
Myboy7 · 14/08/2022 18:00

BeanieTeen · 14/08/2022 17:49

You can tell him you have a report, that’s all I would say. If he wants to read it he can they say ‘can I see it please.’ It’s not your job to put it under his nose. It’s also not your job to try and pleasantly reword it all for him.
Good job you don’t have his attitude though, where would your DS be then? Presumably you deal with most things regarding your child. He sounds like a useless parent. I think you living apart is a good start, but you could take it a step further. Let me guess, you live with DC doing all the parenting and your partner is back living with his mum being parented again by her?

Someone told me it's called a Disney dad.

OP posts:
ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 15/08/2022 07:39

Yes but that's usually used for dads who are actually not in a relationship with the mum any more and get them to do all the actual hard work of parenting while they flit about doing fun stuff. Does he financially contribute to your household?

LargeLegoHaul · 16/08/2022 12:20

I would show DF the EHCP, and thus the reports in section K, because if, at a later date, you need to appeal he would need to be named in proceedings and it would help if he at least had a vague understanding of the process, history and that the difficulties were longstanding.

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