Sharing Christmas, any family law specialists about?

[CatsShinyWhiskers]

A question about Christmas and sharing time with the kids and ex.

This is the second Christmas since the divorce and looking to be my second Christmas without my kids, one teen, one tween and a younger one.

Last year Christmas fell on his weekend, they went to him Christmas eve pm and came back to me boxing day pm. He did drop the kids to me for 4 hours Christmas day afternoon for presents but they had already had dinner with him and had plans for the evening food .

4 hours was not enough.

This year, unfortunately, Christmas falls on his weekend again. I had requested from him last year that I have Christmas this year as that is what the kids wanted but he ignored my request.

I have made a suggestion now that I have them Christmas eve and they go to him Christmas day teatime in addition to him having them extra nights either side of Christmas but he is not having it.

Kids are due back to me younget ones normal bedtime on Christmas day as it is a Sunday, again I miss out on all of the special moments with them.

This is the last year my youngest is likely to believe and I really would like them all over night Christmas eve.

I have contacted a mediation firm whos has said, in addition to the costs for hourly rates both ex and I would need to pay a £500 retainer. I know he would not be prepared to do this, also I am not sure I could afford all legal costs on my own.

Are there any family law specialists out there who can help me understand if I took this further am I likely to be granted Christmas this year?

Or is there anyone with any other suggestions on how I can make this work?

Thanks for reading and any help is much appreciated.

@CatsShinyWhiskers my ExH lives a 4 hour drive away now, so my situation is a bit clearer cut in that we agree things as far in advance as possible.

I've been split from my children dad since they were 1 and 2 so I'm 8 years down the line and it's been tough to get to the crave of talking with ex without using solicitors etc. Now the boys are older they are able to have more input. Christmas wise they do still 'believe' so now they understand Father Christmas only does one drop a year and then new year is the other celebration at the other parents house.

There's no clear cut answer for you but I would see if there's scope to have a conversation with ex and the kids, if not document it all by an email and consider the mediation.

I am sorry to hear that so many have problems with ex's.

I don't think the youngest would believe an email for a different day but if they were younger I would definitely do this, it's a great idea.

I will try and speak with my ex again to see if we can reason and take it from there.

Why does it have to be so difficult, its causing sleepless nights now, I get anxiety when I know I need to speak with him. Hopefully in the years to come it will get better.

We split christmases too. Alternate years.
Xmas eve through to 3pm on Xmas day. Whoever has Xmas eve sorts Christmas dinner too. (We all tend to have dinner around 1-2pm).

we live local and he's not a knob, so it just works.

I really hope you get it sorted out. It's awful when you feel you're missing all the special
days.

From his point of view maybe

He only gets to see his kids every other weekends and one night during the week

Maybe that time with his children is more special to him than to you as you get to see them more the rest of the year

I'm not saying it's true but a compromise is maybe best

Standard arrangement would be to alternate Christmas regardless of weekend custody.
If he's going to be difficult and insist on having them this year as well as last because it falls on the weekend, does he realise that means you get them for the subsequent four/five years when Christmas falls on a weekday?

Sorry - ignore - just saw your update that he doesn't have them every weekend and you every week.

I wouldn't write it like @Soontobe60 at all. That comes across very controlling - OP has no automatic right to have the kids and it's the ex's time. It's up to them to negotiate, it's not for OP to make demands and if someone sent me that email I'd tell them to get to fuck.

It would be great if this could be sorted through mediation which is so much cheaper than going to court. In mediation you could draw up a parenting plan and have it made into a consent order which would be legally binding. The mediator will help you both think about what’s best for the children in terms of holidays.
The court would 100% alternate Christmas but it’s an expensive route. This could be sorted in one or 2 mediation sessions if he is willing.
In the meantime you could celebrate Xmas earlier with the children. Also at some point Xmas will fall on your days in consecutive years and that might be the trigger for him to alternate.

We always had 2 Christmases. 3 or 4 days with each parent, proper long time to relax and enjoy it. Both parents would do proper xmas dinner, stockings etc. We never minded where we were on the actual 25th.

I think your best choice is to remind him that it won't fall on his weekend for a few years now so let's get into alt years and make it easier for everyone.

Then set out what you would be happy with.

If that fails then you need to apply for a CAO. Make sure you think off all areas or Mother's Day, birthdays, school hols etc

Old thread!!!