How do/did you feel approaching a 'big' birthday? Did anyone 'change their life'?

[DittoDaisy]

Hi All, Just as title says really, I am approaching 40 very soon, and I am very content and happy with my life, work, family etc. I have a really wonderful husband, two great (if not at times very full on) kids (9&11), I have a job which is extremely pressurised but I do enjoy but end up working 50 hours plus most weeks, etc - like everyone it'd be great if we had a bit more spare cash etc, but we're ok overall. I know this makes me incredibly lucky, I really do appreciate it, but I can't help but have this intense feeling of 'what now', and 'is this it' until I retire? What am I actually contributing to the world - what good do I do? Is there anything more than this intense, never ending cycle of work/ home/ work/ home. I seem to be so time poor all the time, seem to have neglected all my hobbies and just feel I am cantering into middle-age without really enjoying and appreciating life. The world news, climate change, etc terrify me about the future and I just feel stuck in the same cycle of sameness! I really want to make some life changes but no idea where to even start - I want to ride horses again, do pottery, go running, read books without feeling guilty, grow vegetables, go on really long walks, all the things I used to do and love doing, both on my own and with my family.... but never seem to have the time. Has anyone here successfully transformed their life, re-prioritised the things that really matter again and really changed their lives? And if so how and any advice?

No but my life went downhill from the age of forty due to a bad combination of illnesses and death. I look back and it’s like it was a different life. I took it for granted so much. I’m in a much better place now but honestly do take stock and appreciate it. Make small changes perhaps, go back to your hobbies, but probably no need for wholesale big changes.

Hi Daisy.

I'm the same age, muy birthday is in less than 2 weeks, and my children are the same age as yours.

It's just prioritisation. You are working a crazy number of hours. Are you able to drop some?

How supportive is your husband in you taking time out for your hobby? I have a whole day for a hobby of mind next week. It was my DH that encouraged me to book onto the day and told me he'd take the day off to be with the DC. I also meet up with my best friend who lives 100 miles away a few times a year. We usually do an overnight in London, but sometimes it's just a day trip if that's all we can make work. He's very supportive of this as I come back refreshed and relaxed. We do weekends abroad every couple of years too.

He has the same with his friends and hobbies too.

Lots of what you've said you can do with the DC about. I find that I read much more now they're older. Either when they're on screens or just playing in the house. I don't need to be there to supervise every minute, so if I make a cup of tea, I sit down with my book. They are capable of waiting for whatever they have asked for until I've finished my tea.

Would one of yours go for a walk with you? A bit of 1:1 time? My eldest seems to value this.

Does your DH get much time for his hobbies?

I have a big birthday coming up in December. I’ve counted backwards to 100 days before the birthday (a date in Sept) and I’m trying to build up the motivation to go on a strict exercise and diet programme for 100 days.

My weight and eating issues have always dominated my life and I’d love to start my next decade feeling healthier, fitter, and lighter.

The motivation and mental energy are severely lacking, though.

My sister was 40 in July, I bought her a paddleboard which has been a great new hobby for her and she has been on her first weekend away on her own, planning to do lots more. Maybe you could try something you've always fancied doing but were afraid to?

My 40th was lovely. I was so happy. At 42 I had DS and had a lovely life. By 44 husband left me, DS was diagnosed with autism and I found myself on benefits overnight. It was shit. Still we ploughed through. Got to 50. Had a lovely bash and thought this is my time, a corner turned. Diagnosed with breast cancer a year later and lost my younger brother suddenly.

I posted too soon. The moral of the story is that I will stop thinking something great is going to happen because of a big birthday. I've decided that every year is a blessing and that I'm grateful for everything. That seems to me to be the best way to live.

I've got a big birthday (60!) at the end of the month and discovered only yesterday after doing a taster session that I absolutely love clay pigeon shooting. DH is now worried that I have developed an expensive hobby just as I've retired!!!

In reality my aim is to take my weight in hand and exercise a bit more, and spend time with my husband doing the things we love. He's 9 years older than me and we are both realistic about the future - we don't know how much time either of us have left and are just looking forward to being able to travel, theatre trips or just sit in the garden, like today. We're lucky in that we don't have a mortgage and we are fairly stable financially (although we can't go mad and spend the pension pot in the first year of retirement!). We're just taking life as it comes.

TheFormidable I hope you are doing ok.

I’ll be 60 on my next birthday and no birthday, big or small, has really changed my life for better or worse. That’s not saying you cant change your life and chase your dreams at any age. I’ve a friend who at 50 gave up their job and turned their hobby into a paying career, and was very successful at it for the last 10 years.

Forgot to add. One of the things Ln your list is easy to start up again. Running. Go to you'd local Parkrun on a Saturday and see if you have a Junior Parkrun on a Sunday to take the DC to.

My DH and DC are used to me disappearing for an hour first thing on a Saturday morning to run, and I'm back early enough that it doesn't impact on our plans for the day.

You don't need a life overhaul. Just a few small changes. An hour here, half a day there.

No life changing for me but I did have a party and a big holiday for both my 40th and 50th and enjoyed every moment of these special birthdays.

My life has gone through so many changes, a rollercoaster, and I get itchy feet.

I have so many big ideas that I've had since I was young, think novel writing, filmmaking, being a singer, and I have an attitude of ‘you can do anything’

So I've taken the plunge and done a work of passion and now I'm onto thinking about what to do with it. So that’s exciting, and I'm about to write something else too. This is a thing I've wanted to do since childhood.

But if you're working all those hours it really takes up your physical and mental time. Leaves you worn out and unable to put yourself into something else.

I wouldn't have done my writing had I still been working full-time. If your job isn't what fulfils you, but it's what you spend most of your time doing, I think this is where the problem is, and I would look at freeing up time and then having an attitude of ‘you can do anything’ and going for it; whatever it is.

What I do for a living now is something I enjoy and I set my own hours, this is the perfect working situation for me, and I've tried all the others. I never found a career I wanted, I never wanted to get satisfaction from the thing that earned me money. I would like to earn money from the thing that gives me satisfaction.

I'm 40 as well.

I make sure I do at least one of my hobbies once a month to ah e something to look fkrward to. I book it and then I can’t back out. I took up running again using couch to 5km and do it theee times a week. I love it. I’m 46.

It sounds like you don’t want to be working 50 hour weeks until you retire, which is very understandable.

Things changed for me at milestone birthdays: first child at 40, moved to Australia at just turned 50.

Things I've done to change? The penultimate year of working as a teacher I went down to four days, then three for the last. Retired at 67. Pensions and mortgage all sorted beforehand.

Not quite your issue, OP, but gradual changes are helpful if they can be afforded.

It's a privilege getting older, have had friends who didn't get that chance.

In run up to my 60th, I felt quite weird, like after 60th I might not feel up to doing X anymore. My dh made me feel worse as kept demanding to know what I wanted and I could not really think of anything I wanted. Kids kept asking me to. I told my DS flowers but he said that was not enough for 60th. In the end I told him new garden chair. After the actual day had passed I was fine though. DH got me Surface Pro of my own because I very occasionally borrowed his.

Just been made redundant after 26 years of full time hard graft now late late 40s. Am taking stock now and enjoying life. And oh
my.

Turned 50 this year. I haven’t made any big changes because - like when I was 40 - I just don’t have time or the head space! Two kids, aging parents, full time jobs, friends who need support, dealing with multiple health issues (peri menopause, tendinitis in shoulder, damaged discs in back, uterine polyps causing really heavy periods and anemia - all quite minor things but they all take up time to deal with), just trying to keep up with everything leaves me with very little energy or motivation for big changes. Plus my birthdays are slap bang in the middle of summer which are spent organising trips back to the U.K. to see family, activities for kids out of school etc etc.

i have all kinds of ‘habits’ and personal development books. I just can’t find the time / commitment / headspace to put them into action. It’s so easy, when life is busy, too just get swept along with the flow.

Write a list of what you want to do then start one thing at a time, it needs to become routine. Start by maybe reading at bedtime, go up 30 minutes early and read. Book yourself a riding lesson, then do it same time every week.
I started going to the gym once a week, it became what I did that day every week, now I go twice a week and it’s not questioned. I just do it.

I turned 40 last year and I just got some hobbies and things like that. Assessed what was good in life.

If you have outside space
Buy a bag of compost
Plant lettuce, herb & radish seeds
You will have your first veggies in about 1 month to 6 weeks
You will need to water
Only problem is the drought for water

Tomatoes are easy, buy plant or plant seeds, water, eat

No need to wait for a big birthday