Unknown sibling

[Sux2buthen]

Not a thread about a thread, just one I saw last night that made me think. I can't find it now.
I have three children 7 and under.
They have a much older half sibling they don't know about, mid 20's.
Their father is not on the scene at all that's another thread.
The back story would fill a book and isn't really relevant to the point.
The people on last nights thread thought it best the younger children were told they had an older half sibling and I do agree.
I haven't told them yet because I've been waiting for the right time.
Older sibling knows where they are and isn't likely to be in touch or anything but they love locally.
Should I tell them while they are this age in a simple way? I was waiting for the right time but no magical window has appeared yet!

There will rarely be a "right time" but if you keep leaving it it will definitely become the "wrong time". Tell them now before they are old enough to ask too many questions, although a 6/7 year old would already probably have a few....

Look up some movies or books with half siblings and just say "oh, you have a half sibling just like x character, but I've never met him." If they have questions, answer them. I guess some of the questions you get will depend on what you've already said about their dad.

Yes, sooner the better.

Let them know matter of factly and answer any questions. It'll be a lot easier to do now than when they are much older. You'll need to answer why the sibling doesn't want to see them though, so have something ready.

Tell them. ASAP. There will not be a 'right time' but the longer you leave it the more 'wrong' it will get.

I found out I have an older half sibling a couple of years ago, in my 30s.

It has made me think less of our shared parent, that they could walk away from a child and effectively pretend they didn't exist for 4 decades. It really affected me quite badly.

If I'd known that my half sibling existed, and the reasons for no contact, in an age appropriate way from a young age then it would have been 'normal' and them suddenly coming into our lives wouldn't have been such a shock.

Your oldest is nearing the age where GC may be in the near future - what if they suddenly want contact with you and their aunts/uncles. That's really not the way you want them to find out that their sibling exists.

I'm not suggesting you're thinking of never telling your younger DC, OP. But I don't think that was my parent's intention either. I think they were waiting (30 years!) for a 'right time' that never came. You have to make the right time.

This is what I thought too. I will do my very best, thank you.
Oldest is not mine, they were around long before me, the 'father' in this scenario has caused quite a sequence of events that the numerous mums are trying to sort out.
I had hoped he would have told our three before now but that ship has sailed

I have this issue too. My youngest has a half sibling, who’s 16 years older than her, who I didn’t bloody know existed, despite being married! Not him nor any of his family members thought to tell me. He also isn’t around; again, long back story, but basically - abusive and an alcoholic.

DD knows nothing about him; she’s 7 and has yet to ask about him, she’s just never mentioned him.

It’s tricky, neither child has a relationship with their parent in common, I doubt the older one knows my child exists.

Ah, I see! I misunderstood the reference to father not being on the scene, sorry!

Yes, I'd still tell them, as it sounds like the shared parent is not going to.

My other parent knew and didn't tell me as 'it wasn't their information to share' which wasn't much comfort when it all came out, I'm afraid.

Exactly, I don't want to be part of protecting his secrets. I've met the sibling but only briefly, I was unaware of the backstory as well.
Also an abusive man surrounded by flying monkeys and lies.
I'm not being vague it's just too complicated!
I will have a chat today I think

Well. We sat down for a mini picnic and were chatting and randomly my oldest asked me to tell him about my own half sibling (he likes a chat) so I took the bill by the horns and used it as a way to explain a bit about everything.
They took that very nicely and I told them they can ask me anything at any time and that was it really.
Thanks for the input everyone

That sounds very nice and natural. Now they can come back with questions but it won't ever be a surprise. Well done!

That sounds fine.

My dd came back from school when she was about 6yo very keen to ask:
"Mummy, Emily has some half-brothers in Australia she didn't know about. Do I have any?"
She was quite disappointed when I said "no". 🤣

A child in my sons class was with a foster family and left because she got adopted, it was lovely.
My son can home excited and asked when he was getting his new family
Charming lol

Thanks, I was dreading that but they were completely relaxed bless them

Tell them. Mine know they have an elder sibling and they aren’t really bothered either way.

Yes, definitely tell them. I have an older half sibling I’ve only met a few times (and haven’t heard from him in 20+ years, no idea where he is). It would have been weird not to know about him.