Feel behind in life, and envious of my colleagues

[willowz]

I'm 25 and feel so behind in life. I'm from a working class background but work in a company surrounded by middle class Oxbridge alumnis in their 20s-early 30s who seem to just be excelling in life and I feel like I'm losing a competition I didn't even know I was entered in until recently.

I'm doing ok in life considering my background. When I compare myself to the people I went to secondary school with I'm doing ok. But when I compare myself to my colleagues I feel so behind, I feel quite envious... Or maybe envy is the wrong word, maybe I feel inspired.

I'm single, never been in a serious relationship. Most of my colleagues my age are living with serious long-term partners and lots having been getting engaged recently. I've never been abroad, and most of my colleagues go abroad several times a year. Their lives are full and rich, it's like they make the most of every free moment they have. They seem to go abroad nearly every month. Even when they're working they're renting Air BnBs in Cornwall or Edinburgh. Their weekends are full of plans with friends, meals out, etc. I don't have many friends, I'm quite introverted. They all live in London, I'm currently living with parents in a council house. I've had some mental health issues recently so feel like I'm better off at home for a short while until I find my feet again, I also help pay the bills and care for my disabled younger sister.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, it just plays on my mind. I don't notice it so much when working from home, but after being in the office with colleagues I come home and just feel down

I feel the same except I’m in my 40s! You have absolutely loads of time to craft your life into whatever you want it to be.

If you want to travel then do it! You sound like you have a salaried job?

I don’t see those lives as full and rich (though they may be) just fuelled by excess income. No more than that.
What isn’t rich about spending time with your parents and sister?

If you are on Instagram, follow James Smith PT & his friends. Many are late 20s or early 30s and they travel extensively and James often talks about the social expectation of settling down, buying a house & having kids at this age. His take is that we shouldn't feel forced into doing this & lots get to their mid/late 30s and realise that they've missed so many opportunities to travel & try new things/meet new friends. Read his book - Not a Life Coach. It might help you to work out your next steps.
The wonderful part is that you are young enough to make these changes now. Good luck.

I was a bit the same at your age OP. It was a surprise to me about how much money people had; and also how much people did with their weekends when all I seemed to do was go to the supermarket on a Saturday and DIY shop on a Sunday!

But you can change things. It's difficult if your parents rely on you to help with the bills but it's also not very fair. You should be able to make your own life and have weekends away without feeling guilty about it. There are plenty of organisations that do trips for singles or trips where you don't have to be in a couple, anyway.

Who cares what other people are doing? As you said it’s not a race. A lot of those serious relationships will crash and burn unless they are somewhat transactional- ie building a future that is both financial and romantic.

If you are introverted, do things that amuse you- pretending to be extroverted won’t fulfill you!

wg take a job working security at events- you will get paid, see loads of great bands, events etc and you don’t need to talk to anyone! Someone I know got a mortgage doing this as the extra income let her save for deposit.

Seek out other introverted people who share your interests, two or three great friends is better than 100 shallow ones.-Go and do things you do care about. There are always loads of free events on, especially in summer you can see and learn so much and spark new interests.

My friend swears that she can appear extroverted by doing the following, being cheerful, resilient and making an effort to talk to people and ask how they are and having a one liner for every occasion.

But don’t bother keeping up with the oxbridge set, they are probably exaggerating and doing it for effect in the first pkace.

I have a life that might appear glamorous to an untrained eye, it’s actually hard work and not glamorous. I am just great at spinning things.