Anyone else in a sexless marriage?

[Lightupmyh]

Brief background.. been together 10 years married 8 years. He never instigated sex ever it was always me, even in the early days.

We struggled to conceive and when LO was born I had a hard time sleeping so baby co slept and still does. DH is in spare room.

LO is now 4yrs old. DH & I haven't had sex for 2 years. He doesn't want to either. We've had numerous conversations about it and he says it has never crossed his mind! Said he's never even masterbated or had an erection in all of those 2 years.

Now breastfeeding did change my hormones and I didn't want sex for a long time but now that's stopped I'm really ready and very much missing sex. Feels like my hormones have returned but DH can't understand why 'all of a sudden' I'm wanting sex yet I never mentioned it for so long before.

I don't understand it. I'm only 40 and DH is 37 so seems way to young to be in a sexless marrriage. 🥺😭

Yes. Been with DH for over a decade. He was keen to start with but that fell away after 6 months. We both wanted kids so we sought medical intervention as I could never persuade him to try the natural route with the frequency required. DH is a very private individual and says he doesn't like to be touched. I know he watches porn on his own though - suspect that does not help.

Nope none here for 2 years. I don't have the highest sex drive but it would be nice occasionally. But we are affectionate and there are much more important things, which we have. No relationship is perfect, it just depends how big a deal it is to you.

Snap.

We've had sex twice since lockdown first happened and both of those were when we got really drunk.

There is no affection in our marriage. We never cuddle anymore or show any emotion. We are really like flatmates or brother/sister. We get on and to the outside world we are a perfect couple.

Been together 20 years this year, married for 18. Have 3 children and the youngest is 10.

I'm another who feels financially trapped. I'm the higher earner, but neither me nor DH have anywhere else we can go so we're stuck. I could leave, but I couldn't take the DCs with me so for another 5 or 6 years or so I think it will stay like this. I'm 43.

DH and I have been together for 10 years and married for 6. Both in our 40s. There’s always been some issues with sex due to him having ED but Viagra helped a lot with that.

His mum died two years ago and this triggered depression for him. Has been on ADs since around January 2021. Have flattened his sex drive and after a few attempts which didn’t work we’ve stopped. I couldn’t cope with the rejection and also feel unfair trying to get him to want to have sex with me.

I masturbate regularly which helps from that side of things but I miss having sex with him. We’ve had one session with a sex therapist and will have some more but but sure what will come of it.

@Q2C4 , my DH too. Dislike to be touched and super guarded for any physical touch. I don't think I have the full picture how he grew up. But he says he had a neglecting mum and felt extremely lonely until early 20s (despite having 2 siblings and multiple step-siblings).

I suspect he watched lots of porns in his 20s. But I think he's so guarded I can see he has hard time to deal with physical contact with real people.

Hi, OP, I am, but happily now so that doesn't help you. It was a struggle at one point, but it's such a relief now.

Me and dh haven't had sex for about 18 months. I would like to get the intimacy back but don't know how to be honest.

Yep, here too, but this is mainly due to husbands physical disabilities. I find it very sad. We do love each other and are affectionate in other ways ie we do kiss/ cuddle/ hold hands, but I do miss the intimacy. Probably about 4/5 years now.

I'm in my 40s and have never been in such a situation. However I do have needs. Needs for passion, touch and sharing a climax. If someone was not prepared to help me meet those needs I would vote with my feet. I'm somewhat flabbergasted that it has "never crossed his mind".

@MyBottomDecides The last paragraph .. 100% 😂

I am for a few years now, combination of physical factors on his part that he tried to address, went to GP about ED but now he’s on an SSRI his libido has vanished.

I’m 53, have consoled myself with food and wine so too fat to fuck anyone else now.

He blames me says I'm not interested. But I don't think he finds me sexually attractive anymore. He can be selfish too . It's all about him . When he's finished that's it . Never asks if I am satisfied. Never asks what I would like . Occasionally he masterbates then gets me to finish him off orally. He wonders why I'm not in the mood

Yep. Youngest child is seven. The last time we had sex was when she was conceived. I have often fantasised about an open marriage or affair but would never go through with it.

My marriage had issues from early on. I was on the POP for a while but it killed my sex drive. I came off it and things were better for a while. Then my H had medical issues that impacted on his sex drive and his enjoyment of sex. I asked him to seek medical help, he didn’t. In the end he moved into the spare bedroom and sex just…stopped. We talked about it but nothing changed. In the end we split for good. It wasn’t the only reason. He was also quite controlling and I came to realise that refusing to have sex with me was part of that. I do wonder if he was watching porn but I can’t be sure. Within a couple of months, he’s sought medical help and met someone else..quite telling. Seems it was only an issue that couldn’t be resolved with me 🤨 Since he left my sex drive/desire for sex has increased…just looking for a nice chap to enjoy it with now!

I was in a sexless marriage for years. We split up 7 years after the last time we had sex. Divorce was hard but we are amicable now. I have also met the most amazing man and feel like we will be together forever. 18 months in and we still shag every day. I cannot get over how much i fancy him, it is so wonderful.

I couldn't stay in my marriage as it was killing me. It took 2.5 years before I met DP but I did have some great sex in the meantime. I don't know if we got lucky or not, but misguided fear kept me in my marriage for too long

We are hugely affectionate as a couple but haven't had sex in, oh, probably eight or nine years. We're both knackered from caring for our autistic son; I'm menopausal; DH has had various health scares, had an operation last year, currenty getting to grips with a much-altered digestive system. We started sleeping in separate rooms two years ago and found that we both sleep much better as a result so it has become the norm, with frequent morning 'snuggles' that are affection but not sexual. I don't think DH masturbates, I do occasionally.

I'm not bothered about changing the situation.

Yes I was, it was awful so we separated at my suggestion. Still living in the same house due to financial issues but planning to sort this out soon. I have the odd FWB here and there, not ideal as I'd like something more long term but God it makes me feel alive once more. Nothing worse than being in an unhappy sexless marriage, in my opinion.

OP you have been with your man for 10 years. You know each other well. Can you not broach the possibility of your taking on a FB? Might he be ok with that or if not what other resolution can he come up with?

@Ladyof2022 God no he would go absolutely crazy. Hates the thought that anyone even finds me attractive so definitely wouldn't accept me sleeping with someone else.