Terrible twos. When does it get easier?

[2yotrouble]

Since turning 2yo it's like DS has turned into this absolute gremlin. Full blown rage tantrums are a regular daily occurrence and can be after something so innocuous. I'm really really struggling and that's with support. Everything is a massive uphill struggle and fight. Every single thing is 'no'. I was really anti screen time but it's the only way I can get him to listen if the reward after is to watch something he likes. I've just given up with it. In all honesty I avoid taking him out as I'm so anxious he's going to have yet another public meltdown, my nerves are in shreds. DH takes him out daily or another family member and I use that time as down time to just get over the ordeal of the time spent with him! I feel like I'm at war with this tiny human! It's so unenjoyable right now. I know the terrible twos are a thing, and so very common, but when does it get easier? To be honest, he's always been tricky. He was a colicky preemie and just so very high strung I think it is just his personality. Didn't sleep through until 18 months.. we had a good 3 months in total before this where I got complacent and thought I could imagine having another but right now I can't think of anything worse! He does have nice moments and I love the bones off him, but honestly I feel really overwhelmed. He goes to nursery twice a week and he is an angel there, of course. I guess it's different for every child when it gets easier depending on their temperament. So I guess this post is an outlet to just let it out!

If you find out please let me know...we still seem to be in the throes of it at nearly 3.5!

Although we've got through an entire day today with no screaming tantrum so I'm constantly living in hope that he's growing out of it!

Ah no :(. Hope it gets easier for you too. It's relentless.

Sorry to say but in some children ‘threenager’ is a thing. My first child was a complete banshee and didn’t settle until into the fours. My second was a complete angel and had maybe 5 half hearted tantrums at a push throughout - figured they were my prize! I found wine helped!

Yep three-nager next, so about 4.5 I'd say!

I'm sure mine will be too. He's been like this throughout each stage so far 😬 sigh. Have to remember the lovely bits to get through the awful ones..

Hate to tell you this but we're almost out the other side. She's just coming up to 7 😂

It does go on longer than you think, sorry to say!

I way preferred my eldest at 3 rather than now at 5- they all have their stages. Tbh I think once communication gets better and they can speak, the ultra, throwing themselves on the floor, tantrums calms a bit! Usually around 2.5-3

Sorry to break it to you but this is what children are like.

When they go to school...

My eldest is autistic. So never really.

My advice is look for patterns in the tantrums. There will be one. Hungry, tired, wants to be in control, having fun and doesn't want to leave, doesn't like your cooking.

Be prepared. Plan your day around meals and naps etc so you're not going our with a Hungry toddler.

Ignore the tantrum as much as possible. Even if that means picking up your screaming child and carrying them out of the park. Stick to your guns and never give into a tantrum. It will come back to bite you in the arse.

Somethings I find helpful with my eldest now that probably would've helped if I'd known when he was 2YO is to have a predictable routine everyday. Kids like routine. Give them notice of something happening to give them time to prepare, don't just announce it. Choose your battles (letting your kid where spiderman suit on the school run doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things). Let your DC have some control and let them choose either this or that. Let them do stuff themselves as much as you can.

It does sound bullshitty, but read up about toddler behaviour and it becomes easier for you to recognise why they're like that. Help them to recognise their emotions etc. 'I know you're sad, disappointed etc'. I feel like a twat saying it, but it helps them as well.

I know you didn't ask, but reading "How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen" has totally changed my life in terms of dealing with my two year old. I was about ready to sell him on eBay before, but now I'd say I actually really enjoy his company about 90% of the time.

My teenagers are easier than they were as toddlers. That's a long wait for you, I know! We still have bad days though. Maybe it gets easier when they move out?

@Okeydoky I do actually have a copy of this. I've only read the beginning and it was interesting. I just feel like my 2yo doesn't actually comprehend what I'm saying when I'm trying to apply it like using terms to validate his feelings. Perhaps I just need to keep going with it as he develops. Thanks for the reminder anyway, will read more.

Thank you all for your replies. Sorry it's difficult for you too but reassuring that it's quite 'normal' and just something that you get through one way or another. I'm probably feeling it more intensely as it's been a particularly difficult few weeks with DS. PP below mentioned it's just what kids are like but I don't think you appreciate that until you have your own. Well, I'm one and done now anyway

It doesn't

Agree. It doesn't 😂
Mine are 8 5 and 1 and no sign of improvement...

They’re reasonably nice by the time they go to school.

How are his communication skills in general? Is he getting frustrated because he can't express himself well?

I know some people find programmes such as Supernanny and Who Rules the Roost?a bit dated but I found watching them so helpful when my kids were little. Here's a link to a clip.

My eldest was so challenging at 2. Little every single thing and every milestone was difficult. I spent SO many hours/days/weeks worrying something was wrong.
All of a sudden it's clicked and he's the sweetest loveliest cheekiest 5 year old ever.
History is however repeating itself with my 2 year old. Another speech delay, behind in milestones, tantrums galore!!!! It's very hard.
If you need to rant, as I very much do, please do as that is what will make it easier for you!

I always find these types of threads on mumsnet bizarre. I mean they are still very much babies at two, so you really need educate yourself on child development and lower your expectations.

I do think there's an element of this. His language has come on loads recently but I can see he finds it hard to express what he needs. Will try and develop on this

Thanks for your input.

@watermelonlipbalm thanks for the solidarity. Glad to hear it improved for you and hopefully it will again! There is hope :)