Talking about yourself in the third person...

[Thejoyfulstar]

...as a parent.

Do you do it? Why do you do it? Is there a philosophy behind it or do you do it out of habit? Genuinely curious as I can't get my head around it at all.

I remember when I was a child, my friend's mother spoke in the third person ('Mummy's tired', for example). I remember wondering why she didn't just say 'I'm tired'.

I notice that most parents I know tend to do it, and I just always wondered why but didn't want to seem like I'm being critical by asking. I'm not, I just don't understand it.

I think I can get my head around saying it to a baby, maybe to get them to hear the word 'mama/mummy/mum' etc but once that's established, why continue? Maybe because I wasn't brought up with parents who did that it seems weird, but I can't imagine talking about myself in the third person ever. If I want to express myself I refer to I/me. Anyone else?

Happy to be enlightened!

Yes I did it and now I do it with my grandchildren 😀😀

Thanks Georgeskitchen. Do you think it adds anything to your relationship? Honest question

Yes, that’s interesting! Maybe it’s just a manifestation of the fact that your ego has to take a back seat when you become a parent! I don’t think I got into the 3rd person habit overmuch, but I certainly remember feeling the loss of my old identity when I became a mum!

I Don't do it now with my adult children (obviously)
I don't really know why its a thing, I just assume everyone does it 😀 my kids and grandkids seem quite well balanced so it didn't do any harm

No, no it definitely isn't harmful! Not implying that for a second. I just never knew why people did it.

It's interesting isn't it? I think just about everyone does it. When you start it's as you say, getting the baby used to your "name", not confusing the matter with pronouns...

"Mummy's tired" isn't the same as "I'm tired" - it specifically invites the child to apply that fact to their own life (I can't go to the park, I have to be quiet and stop clambering all over her) while "I'm tired" is just grown-ups talking.

Maybe.

DH and I never did it. My sister did with my kids, but not just herself, them too. I never understood why.

Interesting @merryhouse I didn't think of it that way.I think I used to say 'no more mummy' when I was truly at my wits end with my kids and would have to isolate myself for ten minutes! But I didn't really mean no more 'me' I meant no more saying 'mummy mummy mummy' every two minutes, but I guess it did actually come down to that - I needed a break from being the mum.
But no I'd don't think I usually did say mummy.

We're doing it to teach 'mummy' and 'daddy' to DS, it's good for language development to keep things very simple the first couple of years and then maybe you just get into the habit? Haven't got that far yet though!

@merryhouse I think you’re right, it’s referring to yourself in a way that very young children will understand more easily than a pronoun. Parents do this kind of thing instinctively. “Mummy” is a label for you that describes you from the child’s point of view - the person the child calls Mummy. “I” doesn’t necessarily mean that to them.

@FictionalCharacter what about when the child knows who mummy and daddy are? Like a 5 year old?

Haha yes I totally do this. I don't know why or when I started and to be honest I'm not sure if I still do it with the 5 year old..I would like to say no but I suspect I sometimes do. It just comes naturally.

I think when mine were 5 we were probably saying I by then.

I only did it when the kids were babies.

My daughter started something similar at around 2 years old though, referring to her and her older brother as 'You two'.

Can 'You two' have a biscuit

Can 'You two' go to the park.

Brilliant deduction on her part, as that was how we referred to them.

I've never done it and think it's really odd tbh.

I started doing it when DS was a baby and still do it now even though he is 6. Once you start it is hard to stop (only to him though not anyone else!)

I don't have children but I do it to my cats all the time, as 'mummy'.

I do it all the time. Not just mummy’s tired type thing. In everyday life.

I didn’t notice till a colleague mentioned it. I had a traumatic childhood and always wrote my journals in the third person too, don’t know if it’s related but shows I’ve always done it.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illeism

I don't do it and I don't think it's good for language development. Children learn Mummy and Daddy by parents referring to each other, but they also need absorb the correct use of pronouns.

I'm sorry your childhood was so tough.

Sorry, I've just realised that you always talk about yourself in the third person. Would you mind elaborating please? It's very interesting, but obviously not if you find it upsetting.

I started doing it because my research told me it was better and simpler for language development. By the time they're an older toddler it's really hard to stop yourself.

You refer to yourself in the 3rd person at work? Can you give an example or 2 please because that’s absolutely batshit and I don’t know how you didn’t realise you were doing it

As an NHS professional visiting people in their own homes, I find it strange that on occasions if I meet a husband and wife in their 80s that they still call each other Mummy and Daddy despite their children having left for over 40 years. That's weird!

Bit weird

Even weirder and shudder inducing is grown adults calling each other mummy or daddy

🤢