I’ve got to a point in my life where everything is at rock bottom. There are some good things but largely it is a mess which I am slowly trying to put back together. Along the way I have done some shit things… my ex was terrible to me and walked out right before our baby was born, never came to see them. I was full of anger and upset over this and can’t stand that I let my usual happy self be poisoned by his ways. I lost my job and went through unfair dismissal which I won but still miss my old job. I loved it. Money has been tight and I’m better now but when things were bad I spent 1k on a credit card. It’s paid off but just another example of my shit ways.
I was spiteful about my ex. Told his friend things he had done which looking back I wish I hadn’t, what was the point. I went through such a miserable phase that one day I realised I genuinely couldn’t remember the last time I laughed. i was miserable to be around and used to be witty fun and kind.
I just want no more drama yet the ex hangs in the background. My new job reminds me of what I lost in my old job. The money issue is back to normal but it set me back for a time. I’m battered by it all and just want to disappear sometimes and be like a snake that can shed its former self.
I feel like such a bitter, negative, lost person. I don’t know how to get me back. I used to like the old version of who I was.