Advice on work issue please

[ClemFandangoCanYouHearMe]

So bit of background:

I work for a small organisation - only 6 staff and I am the only person doing my role. It is not particularly technical though and nothing really urgent ever happens that can't be covered off by someone else or wait a couple of days.

I have had a hell of a year so far with DH being diagnosed with cancer, and DD1 harming herself and threatening suicide.

I work part time 20 hours a week over four days, but have always been flexible and worked extra hours here and there, and come in on my day off when needed etc.

While DH was having daily radiotherapy for six weeks I had to drive him to hospital and back every day and wait while he had the radiotherapy. All up this was around an hours trip (luckily hospital is nearby and the session itself only took about 15 mins). This though took time out of my day. We asked for the sessions to be either first thing in the morning (which would mean I got to work about an hour late) or after 3pm so I could take him after work. When they were in the middle of the day I worked from home and made up any hours earlier or later. I only ever had to work from home one day a week, which is what I had been doing anyway. So I thought I'd managed all that quite well.

DD has had quite a few issues with school and being sent home and having appointments with CAMHS. This means on a couple of occasions me having to leave work quickly to pick her up. Work always told me to go and get her, and sent me away with a hug. Again I would make up any work hours missed from home.

This mainly took place Jan to June. Things are more or less under control now -DH cancer free and DD doing well

Throughout it all I always covered my work hours though not always my set times (e.g. I would work a bit late to make up time or start work earlier).

I had a performance review a few weeks ago and no concerns were raised.

Then this week, out of the blue at a weekly catch up, my manager said it had been noticed that I let me personal life disrupt my work with all that had gone on and I had been causing too much disruption to the team. A more or less "pull your socks up" threat.

I was a bit blindsided by this and didn't really ask for any specifics as to what disruption had been caused and when. I thought we were a close friendly team and thought work had been really supportive through my troubles but now I'm not sure what to think.

Should I email my manager and ask for specific details in writing so I can answer them? And ask why this concern wasn't raised at the time? I am so upset as I counted my work colleagues as friends and thought they had my back. Am I missing something obvious?

I would acknowledge that from a work point of view there has been disruption for six months (for valid reasons on your part) but state that that your family difficulties are resolved now and you will be back to regular hours, maybe thank them for being so understanding.

There may be a feeling that for such part time hours it should be possible to work around your problems at home, it seems as though they have been accommodating but reached the end of their goodwill.

At the next weekly catch up, tell your boss that what was said about this has been preying on your mind. Say that you appreciated their flexibility during the first six months of the year and assure them everything's now back to normal. I wouldn't press for further details about who expressed their disquiet.

Firstly - I am really sorry you have so much pressure in your family life, that is a huge amount to deal with.

I think your work has handled this rather poorly, because you have communicated when you needed to leave and you have made up the working hours. Did you have any agreement with them in writing that you could work flexibly? Did you have fixed hours previously or was your work always flexible? Are you aware of anything you missed or did not respond to in a reasonable timeframe?

If it was me, I would not ask questions, I would ask them to clarify what they wanted going forwards, and I would look for another job! It is not your 'personal life' in some trivial way, it was a very serious situation affecting your family's wellbeing.

I am quite a reactive person so I couldn’t let this lie. For me it’s the disconnect between your appraisal being fine and then this update. As far as you were concerned all was fine with how you handled your time around your difficulties and you were back working as normal now so is this a new concern? Could they give you some specific examples of what they are referring to? If it is to do with your recent difficulties then I’d do as the others have suggested and focus on the future but I’d be hard pressed not to say that you were of the understanding that the arrangements you made at the time to cover your full hours through the disruption were acceptable and no one queried it at the time and the recent ok appraisal seemed to back that up.

Then sit back and see what they say…

Thanks all for some good advice. Just writing this down and reading your replies has made me feel better.

It's the shock really that I thought everything was ok, and it turned out not to be.

I think I will speak to my manager at our next catch up about this in the way suggested.

And yes. I am looking for a new job!

I'd have to sort this out sooner rather than later. I'd request a meeting to find out what the actual issue is and to point out my previous flexibility and why it hadn't been brought up at the actual performance meeting. If it doesn't indeed affect performance then why is it being brought up now that your husband is cancer free?

What is the point of telling you this and what is it they want you to do about it?