School open evenings (for future year seven) - how important?

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

The school dd is most likely to attend has one open evening in September but I am away with work. Dh can go, so at least one of us will see the school/ get the info.

But I like to know and see as much as possible and think secondary selection is such a big decision that I'm nervous not going.

It'll be fine right, just one of us getting the visit?

You can usually also arrange a day visit
directly with the school? You won’t get as much information as an open evening but you will at least get a feel for the school.

Oh so maybe I could arrange something separate just for me later in the month? They won't think it odd that we both want to see the school?

No. You're likely to see v different things as open evenings are all bells and whistles.

I'd also, gently, point out its about your child. She's the one that really needs to go/hopefully be excited about her new school

Usually there’s the open evening (big production, bells & whistles, stuff laid on directly for the kids to get involved with), and then also the opportunity to book smaller group school tours during a s hook day. In our area at least, they encourage parents to book the small tours so you won’t be weird!

All schools do the same thing I’d say. They wheel out the head boy and girl who are always well spoken, smart, well rounded kids so not representative of every pupil by any means. They talk the school up as much as possible and try to make out like it’s the absolute best school in the world but realistically, most state schools are similar.

This may be a weird approach but I checked our local community page out regularly to see whether anyone commented about any of the local schools. The closest school which most children from DC’s primary school went to has a real issue with bullying and one of DS’s friends who went there has been bullied and beaten relentlessly. I wouldn’t have known this had I not seen the posts on Facebook. I was relieved I didn’t send my DS there, his friend is gentle and sensitive just like my DS. I also used buses with secondary school children returning home and witnessed the behaviour. Noticed the children from that school behaved appallingly whereas the children from the school I sent DS to were quiet.

Do you all take your kids? I wasn't sure if we should. I don't recall going to any.

Children are normally encouraged to go. When we looked at our local Secondary, they did tours during the day so you could see the school in action (and the Primary Schools accepted pupils would be out of school for those) and then an evening thing as well, where subject leads were available to talk to (again children were encouraged to attend)

I found them useful and so did my DC.

You do get a feeling for the school, beyond the show they put on.

I knew instantly an outstanding school near us that people rave about wasn’t going to be right for DD. Very ‘corporate’ vibe, little said about pastoral care, crap sports facilities and too heavily focussed on behaviour. Leadership team seemed like smarmy, insincere estate agents. I knew my sporty, self motivated, mature DD would find it stifling.

I liked the Headteacher and leadership team at the school she ended up at, the facilities were excellent for a state school and the kids that showed us round were happy, chatty , normal teenagers rather than perfect pupils selling us a vision.

Having said all that, don’t stress. You will almost certainly be able to book a visit at another time if you want to. Even the schools that don’t offer this will usually accommodate if you push a bit.

Secondary teacher here - in my experience the vast majority of people bring their children to the open evening. There will be activities etc on - we expect them to come. We’re trying to sell it to them as much as you!

What happens if they prefer one thats then at the bottom of your list and hate the one you think would suit them best?

Then you have some talking to do!

We told ours that their preference was really important, but it wasn’t the only factor. So we’d be making a decision based on lots of things, and we’d always discuss it with them.

Definitely take your child and involve them in the process. Listen to their views but ultimately you are the adults looking at the bigger picture and they are easily swayed by an explosive science demonstration, chocolate biscuits or a free pen!!!

We set up the expectation that we would listen to their views, but as they were only 10 we the adult parents would make the final decision.

It might help if prior to the open evenings you think what type of school you ideally want:

• formal or more laid back (eg detentions for top button undone, or as long as they have the rights clothes that's OK)


• results oriented or whole child oriented


• what extra curricular is important


• is pastoral care particularly important to you


• SEN provision and/or stretching very bright children


• your views on homework


• any subjects you really want to be offered / or subjects you don't want mandated (though what a school offers now for GCSE may not be what the offer in 4 years time)

When we were looking for DD1, quite a few years back now, I asked about pregnancies and anorexia. Now I think I'd ask about how they address self harm or gender non conformance.