I love my kids too much to actually have them?

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Hello

I never really wanted kids - the noise, mess, no money, stress, no sleep etc etc, never gravitated towards children. But in the last year I've started thinking how much love I have to give someone, thinking about all those special moments you have with your kids...

And yet...
I'm nearly 40.
I have no partner
I am ok financially but it would a stretch
I have some mental health issues

I'm right to say this is just a phase, isn't it, and the kindest thing I can do for myself and my unborn kids is to forget it and carry on with voluntary work instead to give my love somewhere to go?!

Thanks

Having children isn't always what it's cracked up to be. So I would carry on with your volunteering , maybe offer to read stories at your local library.

Yes I agree. If at 40 you're not completely sure you want kids, personally I wouldn't start.

It’s noisy it’s messy it’s thankless and it’s unrelenting. If you’re not sold on the idea then get a cat. And love someone else’s children- be an amazing auntie!

I always say to friends only do it if you are 90% sure

Thanks guys.
I'm making a list of nice things to do with my cousin's kids this year at Christmas. This is their first year in my city, they recently moved from abroad.
Any ideas for a special first Christmas in Edinburgh for girls age 6 and 8 much appreciated!

I already have a cat :-D

My friend felt similarly I think. She hasn’t had children but is a hugely important person in my dc’s lives, especially dd. My friend is absolutely one of our family and I think both she and dd really enjoy the close bond they have.

I've just been to Edinburgh with my two girls the same ages and we had an amazing time! We loved camera obscura and dynamic earth - both would be great in winter

Oh sorry OP I've just seen they live in Edinburg already rather than visiting! On the having children though, I agree it sounds like your life is much too sorted and enjoyable to turn it all on its head. Hanging out with friends' kids and being the cool auntie sounds ideal

Stop coming here with your hard facts 😩

It's been a long day, kids were hard work and I'm really feeling the whole thankless and unrelenting part

Would the girls l enjoy ballet? The Snow Queen is at Festival Theatre in December.

Oh lovely! They like ballet, they are girly girls. Thank you!

A friend had her first and only child at 40 she knew she would be a single parent but she had no idea how hard it would be. She earns well but nursery costs are crippling her, her child though lovely doesn't sleep so she doesn't sleep, she is constantly knackered.

Unless you have the overriding urge and plenty of support don't do it!

It’s also dealing with the teenage and Uni years when you’re in your mid to late 50s. The Uni dramas, which always seemed to involve driving 100 plus miles after a long day at work, only to find their friends had cheered them up and I could replenish the fridge and then drive home, alone, in the dark.
You could be taking early retirement, volunteering overseas, or holidaying where you want.

I think I'd feel less empty if I had a partner to love and buy an advent calendar for!!

If you aren't 100% sure that it's for you - DONT DO IT!!!

I was 100% sold and still ask myself "why?!" I had a lovely relaxed life before 😂

Take your cousins kids to a panto!

Definitely a panto like pp said and also ice skating. We don't live too far from Edinburgh and my dd has loved going to the Xmas market and ice skating. My sister lives a couple of hours away but has a weekend in Edinburgh each Xmas too with her family. Edinburgh is a gorgeous city, you're very lucky to live there 😊

Thanks guys!
Im going mad, here is my list so far:

I had my DD when I was older, I’d say you know if it’s something you MUST do or at least have a last ditch attempt at (like me) , if you aren’t 100% sure you want a child then don’t-there are good and bad sides to it, you will kill your social life and it’ll be difficult to work as well as having a kid. Decide what you want your life to look like and go for it and enjoy t spoiling someone else’s kids before giving them back when the tiredness hits!

If you have lots of love to give could you foster maybe? Or doing mentoring etc if not doable with work?

I'm from Edinburgh and loved going to the lyceum every Christmas! Perfect for the ages of the children too

I no people are saying don't because of all the shit it brings.literally.but that's because they have them ifyswim.they can tell you no and to be sure and all the bad points because actually on the other days they get the joyous parts.
It's very easy to advice if you no your getting a cereal hug this morning.and the love.and the 18 year old tantrums.and their kids,time,love.there are no easy guarantees.bur you don't always feel like hell! I think it's far too easy for mothers to advice non seeking advice.
So I would make sure your sure.very sure.its a decision that once left can't be undone.
Have you thought about fostering or adopting.
Even fostering dogs or puppy walking.
Short stay for mothers.
Teens in need.lots of need for support for homeless young people needing a bed or ear.
Even renting a room is a option.

Could you be part of the 'village' for someone else's kids - as in 'it takes a village?'

We had DD later in life after several years of trying so she was very much wanted, but it is So Hard, partly because we have no family support. What I've noticed, and what I looked forward to, things like baby bathing, reading bedtime stories, pushing them on swings at the park, are all really fun when you do them every few weeks to help someone else out, but they're mind-numbingly boring when you're the one who has to do them everyday. I'd always been slightly jealous of the families I saw having fun together at the park at weekends but now I know it's actually about survival and you have to go to make sure the kid gets some exercise!