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Original poster

Need a handhold - Leaving with my baby (trigger warning - discussion about sex abuse)

17 replies

Amursty · 09/08/2022 05:24

My boyfriend and I have a 3 month old baby.

He has watched children being sexually abused (arrested for possession of indecent images of children). Categories A, B, and C.

He has watched all ages- infants, toddlers, children, teens. All type of content. Even bestiality pornography with a pre-teen. About a hundred pictures of real children.

On top of that, thousands of animated children.

I'm leaving the house tomorrow while he is at work.
I unfortunately don't have anyone here, my family doesn't live in the UK.
I will stay in a refuge while I figure things out.

But he is threatening to apply for shared custody. I am terrified. What if police doesn't find the evidence and allow him to? (he's admitted those to me).

I've read horror stories of mums who have lost fights for custody and have had to hand their children over weekends to extremely abusive husbands.

Please tell me, is there a possibility he will be able to? How do I protect my child?

OP posts:
BritInAus · 09/08/2022 05:45

Oh, this is incredibly difficult. My heart goes out to you. What can you do to ensure the police find evidence? It sounds too simple perhaps, but hand his hard drive / devices to police tomorrow once you've safely left?

Original poster
Amursty · 09/08/2022 05:47

BritInAus · 09/08/2022 05:45

Oh, this is incredibly difficult. My heart goes out to you. What can you do to ensure the police find evidence? It sounds too simple perhaps, but hand his hard drive / devices to police tomorrow once you've safely left?

Thank you for your answer.
The police have already seized his devices. He's deleted the evidence and I'm scared they might not retrieve them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amursty · 09/08/2022 05:49

Should I leave a message when I leave? Should I say I will hand in more evidence if he tries to get custody? would that possible work?

OP posts:
toffeechai · 09/08/2022 06:01

The police should be able to retrieve deleted files.

I don’t think you should leave a message for him like that. The most important thing right now is for you to get out safely with your baby.

The refuge will hopefully be able to help you get some legal advice or people on here may be able to suggest organisations that can help.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 09/08/2022 06:09

The police will find the deleted files - they have forensic IT officers who are trained to do just that.

Your priority must be to get you and your baby safely away to the refuge and leave the police to deal with him.

GreenIsle · 09/08/2022 06:12

If you do have any more evidence I would make sure this is handed in, potentially speak to the refuge to see if you can speak to the police safety to give your own version of what you know for their records op.

You are doing the best thing you can for you baby right now and getting to safety is priority, have you got any help for tomorrow.

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 06:15

He'll get no sort of custody. He'd be incredibly lucky to get supervised contact in a contact centre. Keep your baby safe Flowers

Poppyblush · 09/08/2022 07:22

Presumably social services will get in contact with you as you’ve both got a kid, in light of his charges. Would it be worth calling them, or womens aid ?

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 07:29

Don't blackmail him. If there's more evidence hand it in regardless of whether he'll try for custody or not.

Fraaahnces · 09/08/2022 07:31

i would love to say that it is very unlikely that this man is going to get custody and I am very pleased with this. I am very proud of you for leaving!

Sausagedognamedmash · 09/08/2022 07:33

If he has admitted things to you, are you able to give a statement to the police stating what he has told you and that you have taken your baby and left at the earliest opportunity to safeguard your child. Make them aware you will be keeping your child safe and as far away from him as possible, an entirely natural reaction to what has been admitted to you. That way it is all on record. Just go, far and fast. Police will find the evidence.

Enko · 09/08/2022 07:36

Well done for planning on leaving.

The police can find deleted files it all remains stored on your computer.

I second the advice to contact social services. Work with them and you will have people who are on your side working for what is best for your baby.

mpsssm · 09/08/2022 07:37

I think it is extremely unlikely he'll get custody. My ex committed a far more minor offence, for which he was only cautioned. He is only allowed supervised contact with our daughter. There is no question that this will ever be altered and if I wanted it, I could deny contact full stop.

It is likely social services will contact you. This is no judgement on you, they will just want to ensure there is a safety plan in place to protect your child.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 09/08/2022 07:37

When you leave tomorrow, phone social services, tell them everything he told you, get it on record. Even if Police don't find the evidence (which as others have said is highly unlikely as they are good at what they do) they won't just allow him contact with his child. There would need to be robust assessment and likely recommendation would be contact in a contact centre at most which he would be expected to fund. Panic not, make the right choices for you and your child and the refuge staff will support you.

choppedtomatoes · 09/08/2022 07:48

Echo what everyone else has said regarding the police being able to find the evidence and he won't get unsupervised contact.
I just want to wish you good luck OP.

maryberryslayers · 09/08/2022 16:21

Can you go back to your family?

LIZS · 09/08/2022 16:29

He may not get contact at all, and is likely to be put on the Sex Offenders register. He may think he has deleted it but forensic searches of his devices will still show any access to websites and deleted material. Assume you have reported it but can still leave safely?

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