12 year old struggling with moods and pulling hair out

[Snufflebabe05]

Wondering if anyone can give me some words of wisdom. My 12 year old DD is really struggling with managing her moods. Noticeable over the last 8-12 weeks or so. The slightest irritation makes her feel really angry. I’m assuming this is just puberty and hormones?

Worryingly I noticed that her hairline was looking sparse and when I asked her about it she admitted that she had been pulling out her hair. Sometimes linked to when she felt angry, other times doing it subconsciously just because it felt good.

Her sibling was diagnosed with a serious health condition (life long) 2 years ago and she does struggle with the amount of attention that they get as a result.

She starts high school next month but it really looking forward to it after a great transition week before the summer hols.

I’m trying to keep communication open, have promised her that she’ll feel better soon. She said tonight she just wants to feel normal. I’ve assured her that we all have highs and lows. I’m unsure where to go from here. Pulling her hair out feels very severe as a reaction to feeling anger and frustration, and I’m wondering if we need to speak to someone, and who that someone should be.

When I’m anxious or stressed I twiddle my hair and end up pulling bits out, a lot of the time I don’t even realise I’m doing it, it’s quite a normal thing but I can see how it could be perceived as ‘self harm’. If you’re worried it’s that and could escalate, you could always seek help but hopefully it’s just a habit that she has got in to and it will pass? I can recommend castor oil for using on her hairline to help grow it back though. Hope she’s feeling better soon!

Could it be a symptom of stressor anxiety, or do you think it is something like trichotillomania?

Trichotillomania often starts at puberty. It’s an impulse control disorder. My friend has had it since puberty, it comes and goes with severity but was very bad at secondary school with noticeable bald spots. If it gets worse then ask for her to be referred to CBT as that helped my friend.

It could be trichotillomania. It seems to have all started fairly recently.

I just can’t decide if the level of anger/frustration she is feeling is ‘normal’, and whether there is more we could be doing to help her channel this in a different way.

Pulling your hair out from your scalp seems a very extreme reaction (to me) and I want to try and catch her from doing it and making it worse.

I used to pull my own hair out when I was younger as well (primary school age) when I was going through some health issues. I did it because it felt good and I stopped naturally after I was embarrassed by the bald patches. I think you shouldn’t try to catch her doing it and unintentionally shame her though. So just want to assure you that it’s not ‘extreme’

but sounds like she might benefit from speaking to someone, perhaps the HP? I’m sure other posters will have better advice

Id suggest a referral to CAMHS via the GP, and a word with the school nurse. They may do drop-ins at her school.