Help me get my shit together?

[NCNCNCN]

Husband and I work FT long hours, 2 primary age kids. We are not amazingly paid so can’t afford (nor do I really want) excess childcare. Very little parental support (can’t, not won’t). House is often messy, I waste money on school dinners as I can’t seem to find time to make packed lunches, I just feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day so things like kids homework and my exercise often gets deprioritised. I also spend a lot of time working in the evenings and weekends on top of the usual working week due to the nature of my job; probably 2 hours per night and 5 hours in the weekend.
I want to be one of those Uber organised parents whose life is well put together despite a busy work schedule.
For the Motherland fans - I’m a Julia who wants to be a Meg.

How do I get my shit together? If you are super organised, could you give me a breakdown of your day to day life?

Years of decluttering!

I’m finding it just doesn’t work with ones the age I have (6 and 2) but now we are coming out of the toddler days it seems to be coming together.

I don’t see school dinners as a waste - more a help, ds has a hot school dinner which means he’s sometimes happy with a picnic style evening meal, or even sometimes just porridge.

I have a weeks worth of uniform ready on a Sunday - that was at least if I don’t manage to get a wash load done then at least I don’t have to run around finding them clothes

ive started filling the car on payday instead of going once a week - it’s just one less thing to remember

oh And DH pulls his weight, he’s home before the kids and I so hoovers round, empties the washing machine and starts dinner - I really notice if he’s worked later

Is that really the trick? Decluttering? I could probably manage that

@QforCucumber a weeks worth of uniform is a good idea. Unfortunately I can’t do the fuel thing as I have a long commute and use a tank a week.

Well your giving up 15 hours each week of your family time to work (2hrs per evening plus 5hrs weekend), so thats where I see your immediate problem.

Obviously I don't know anything about your job but can you not stop doing the extra hours...personally I think thats an absolute pxxx take that you are working that many hours for free.

@Ilikewinter not possible unfortunately. I also have a 2 hours daily commute.

Might sound glib but get a better paid job seems to be a good goal. You’re working shedloads of hours - for not very high pay? Is progression likely? Could you get same pay for fewer hours elsewhere?

Does your DH do his share?

Kids homework is a priority IMO and I would make sure that is done before tidying and exercise. They won’t need you to supervise for much longer.

Do you meal plan? Does everything in the house have its own storage spot?

I think you are exceptionally time poor so need to accept that and not beat yourself up too much.

Are your kids happy? Do they feel loved?
Do you and DH enjoy each other's company? Does he pull his weight without complaint?

If so, then I think you need to accept you're doing your best for the moment.

Your options are to reduce your hours, increase your income or move to achieve both of these.

In the meantime, declutter, meal plan, prioritise, one room a day and make sure you spend time together as a family.

Regarding your Motherland reference - Julia juggles too much with little help. If she delegated more and didn't take on the ILs coming to stay or the over ambitious party (for example), then life would be smoother.

How much are you really earning after the travellers and additional hours?

Would you be better off in a different job where you had time to make packed lunches, plan meals and cook them etc?

You need a different job. The hours and the commute are ridiculous for not much of reward. Far too much of your time is being monopolised for a job that doesn't appear to benefit you very much.

Decluttering is definitely a game changer for us .

Everyone knows what lives where and puts things away appropriately.
Meal planning and some family size COOK meals or similar for when it is a busy evening.

Online food shops weekly with packed lunch stuff included so you literally stuff a little roll /wrap with filling, baby cucumbers,raisins,and a tangerine and lunch is done .

Do a load of washing on a timer so it finished when you are around to hang it out every day and put it away while sorting the kids for bed - every time so it doesn't build up

Do school admin when it comes in again so it doesn't build up / get overlooked

Family calendar on the Friday so everyone knows what happens when

Work as a team with Dh to get stuff done and basically get organised and do it as it needs doing,don't leave things for another day as that's when it gets out of control.

It will be tough to get decluttered to start with- get a skip if it's too overwhelming but it's life changing to be in control and my mental health really suffers if I don't keep on top of things now.

Fridge not Friday

Your jib takes up way too much of your time. Whether that be working hours, commute or overtime. You need to find a job that is closer to home and without any extra hours expected.

The only way youre relly going to make any headway on gettin you shit together is to dedicate more time to it which you cant do if the majority of the hours in a week are dedicated to work or sleep.

You need to reassess your job for one nearer to home that will save you both time and fuel costs.

The commute time and the extra hours on your own time are the problem! Improving that situation would be the priority for me.

I’m not intending to put the boot in but as previous posters have said, you are doing way way way too much overtime on top of the job and the commute. Something has to give - don’t let it be you.

Shop online to include lunch foods. Adult DS unloads shop and puts away. He cooks once a week for family at weekends.

Lunch foods tube yoghurt, baby bel, bread sticks, satsumas, apples, wraps with filling, baby tomatoes, carrot sticks, humours.

Wash all uniforms on Saturday, peg out to dry and get put away in evening. Have 5 tops and 3 skirts/trousers and sweatshirts. Only wash uniform once a week.

On Sundays I cook 6 chicken breast, 4 of them wrapped in bacon and 2 plain. I cook a tomato and mozzarella pasta bake in oven at same time. For 4 lunches I shred plain chicken breast to make wraps with salad leaves and cherry tomatoes.

Monday, Tomato and mozzarella pasta bake does 2 days. Wednesday I make a shepherd pie serve with frozen peas and does 2 days. Thursday I put a shop bought pizza in oven and serve with salad leaves, and cook some chicken nuggets for Friday lunch.

Don't do ironing.
Because I tend to cook DH loads and unloads dishwasher, tidy, some laundry of sheets, duvets, towels for all of us.

Large calender so we can all write in events. This is a must.

If you can't cut back on hours could you afford a cleaner for 2 hours a week? If you did a lunch box instead of school lunches you could use that money towards cleaner. In 2 hours you would get kitchen cleaned, bathroom cleaned, house vacuumed. That would make a huge difference.

How old are the kids. Could they do their own lunch boxes? Or a least help, even if you make the sandwich/wrap whatever and they gather the other elements. Or if they are happy with it, don't worry about sandwiches etc and do cheese and crackers. (Just chop a block of cheese into sticks at the beginning of week and they can help themselves each day. You can do the same with veg sticks, celery, cucumber, carrots, prepped Sunday night, carrot and celery in water in Tupperware, pepper an cucumber in Tupperware lined with damp paper towel and another laid on top, will last until weds). Mini packs of breadsticks. Or boil eggs are good for snacks and are fine for three days in fridge.

Thank you all, really useful tips.
I am looking for a different job, closer to home. Fingers crossed.

I read somewhere that every item needs managed. That means it needs picked up and moved. It has taken years but I am really on top of some spaces in my house. Today I decluttered 2 cupboards and it was a relatively quick task. Each lap of the space it gets easier and faster to achieve.

I hate the packed lunch thing but find it easier to keep it boring. Repeat the same lunch.

I also have a 'tomorrow' list in my phone to write notes to myself. Pay school photos or whatever. And I have a jar of change.

Here for the tips.

Don't sweat the small stuff OP. A messy house doesn't matter, some kids love school dinners (I did!). I'm a Julia leaning towards a Liz but my kids seem happy. Cut yourself some slack and pour a glass of wine x