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Friend's wedding dilemma - advice needed

6 replies

Mauvg · 06/08/2022 15:59

My friend of a number of years invited me to spend Christmas with her and her fiancé which I agreed to and booked kennels for the dog. We take turns at hosting each other for Christmas and they travelled to stay with me last Christmas. Recently, my friend asked me if I could extend my stay with them because they are getting married. The first date mentioned was not a huge problem as it meant only driving back home a few days later and a few days extra kennel fees was not an issue. However, the date has since changed and the kennel fees would now be exorbitant. I'm currently in the process of paying towards a holiday next year and saving up so that I have some money to spend on the holiday. It's not a huge amount I'm putting away each month as I don't have a lot to start with, but it would easily be enough to cover the kennel fees. However, from the wedding to the holiday would not be enough time to save much money for the holiday and, with having to buy a new outfit for the wedding (nothing suitable in my wardrobe), shoes (I live in trainers) and gifts (Christmas and wedding), I do worry that I'd have to dip into the savings meaning it's less likely I'd be able to afford the kennel fees. Not putting the dog in kennels isn't an option as my friend's place doesn't allow dogs. I've looked at other options and the kennels I use is cheaper than them.
I love my friend dearly and would absolutely love to be there for her wedding. However, I can't see any way that I can afford to stay with her for both Christmas and then until her wedding. I did ask about splitting my stay with her up, driving back when I had planned to and then returning 2-3 days before her wedding to reduce the kennel costs, but was told that was out of the question as I need to attend her hen do.
I just don't know how to get through to her that I really can't afford the kennel fees for the length of time she's talking.

OP posts:
Ontomatopea · 06/08/2022 16:07

Tell her you can't afford it. Don't ask. You won't be coming for Christmas any more as you want to go to her wedding.

Sharrowgirl · 06/08/2022 16:08

Tell her the truth, that you can’t afford the kennel fees for that long. There’s no shame in it and any reasonable person would understand.

Christmas, hen night, wedding. Say that you can attend two out of the three, which would she prefer?

RandomMess · 06/08/2022 16:10

Yep you can't do Christmas, hen and wedding.

Could they come to you for Christmas or does hosting cost as much as kennels?

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ChocoButterfly · 06/08/2022 16:11

Tell her exactly how it is. Could you go for the hen and wedding instead of Christmas? It's a big ask to do three events with her.

DorisWallis · 06/08/2022 16:13

Just tell her you can't afford it?
She can't lay down the law about you attending her hen

Mauvg · 06/08/2022 16:34

Thanks for responses. Hosting them for Christmas is not as expensive. However, that seems to be out of the question as she hasn't yet decided if she's going to have her hen do in the couple of days before Christmas that I'm due to arrive or in the space between Christmas and her wedding and, knowing my friend, she will leave it until the last minute to decide, due to most of the invitees living much nearer to them than I do.
I am speaking with her later, so will again tell her that the kennel fees just aren't affordable for that length of time. If it means I have to miss her hen do, I have to miss it.

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