Feeling sad that teens mean the summer holidays aren’t the same.

[Sunshineismyfriend]

My 13 year old is lovely but wants to spend his summer gaming or meeting up with friends and playing football. Doesn’t want to do anything with me or my younger child. He’s ok for a few family days out but I keep thinking back to the days she is take them big to play in the park or for a play date with a friend and feel a bit sad.

I love that he’s growing up but I do miss him when it’s just me and my youngest as does my youngest. Anyone else?

God no I can’t wait until mine get to this age, I find the summer holidays relentless having to constantly do things can’t wait till they are older and more independent 😬

I know what you mean op, I remember I briefly felt like this but even though I still try and get some time off work in the six week hols this time I get to do stuff I want with maybe the odd trip to McDonald's with the teen!

Yes, part of me misses the days when they would be happy with whatever I did with them, and I was in control of their lovely summer holidays! It's odd not being required for that.

I used to feel like this but now it’s happened I’m sad. Maybe when my youngest gets to that point it’ll be different but when it’s just the two of us it’s not the same for me or her. Bring back the day when I could say we are going to the local park and they’d both be filled with so much excitement.

I know what you mean. I teach, so work bloody hard all term, having the holidays as my payback. I've always made the most of the holidays, taking my children out most weeks, catching up with friends etc etc. This year is the first year when neither child really wants to do anything. Both lie in until the afternoon, then they're reading, on their phones or social media or out with friends. I've barely seen them at all this holidays. Eldest is off to uni this Sept, so I do feel sad and that I'm at the end of an era.

Yeah I can imagine that is the end of an era. Don’t get me wrong I’ve sat in the sun for a bit today and now watching Netflix and cooking down while they are both I their rooms on phones / screens. But I feel a bit sad that it’s hard to find things the eldest especially wants to do with us.

My eldest is 10, and I'm already dreading this. He's not so enthusiastic about "family days out" as he used to be, but it's still pretty easy to drag him along, and he always has a great time once we're there. But that's mostly just because he doesn't have anything better to do.... yet!

Yep, end of an era this year.. mine are 14 and 12, happy to be on devices or occasionally meeting friends for low key afternoons. It’s hard not to keep chivvying them and strange to let go of the need to fill each day with trips and scheduled meet ups. We live rurally and it’s nearly impossible to not repeatedly tell them how I was out in my bike all day or working at their age… but they are happy and safe, and still fully engage with paddle boarding etc when I arrange it. They are both vaguely keeping hobbies going so I think I need to accept this!

I much prefer it now they are older. I can do what I want, potter in the garden,sit out and read..its bliss. Really dont miss the days of organising activities, refereeing squabbles and paying through the nose for days out.
Today DD1 is out with friends,dd2 wild swimming and canyoning with her boyfriend and DS1 has disappeared off to the Fringe and wont be back for 10 days. Its perfect

I find there is a balance to be had with mine, so we've discussed which days in working and therefore are free to chill, game, see friends etc and which I'm not and we've planned stuff ahead of time for those days which has been nice and has been appreciated. I think that if you are just at home then yes teens will vanish, they won't come and spend time with you but they can be great company on a planned activity. 15yo and I went coasteering the other day and had a blast. Plus the drive was over an hour so I had plenty of time with them unable to escape in the car to talk to.

Glad it’s not just me was starting to feel mean!

As a parent you have to evolve constantly. It's hard sometimes. Try to spin it so you can take pride in him taking steps towards independence

God no, I much prefer it now they’re older. I used to hate all those park/ soft play/ farm trips! Now they lie in and we might go for coffee and a cake or a walk with an ice cream or whatever- it takes a couple of hours, it’s genuinely enjoyable and then IT IS DONE 😆

But not a local one in case they are actually seen wiith you!!! 😉

Same here and I'm the one instigating the change here with 14 year old dd, she was a bit taken aback this summer not to be presented with a full programme of activities !

God no, it's such a massive relief to be able to get up for work and leave them in bed then come home to find them cooking dinner compared to the days of having huge stressful childcare juggles. I still work p/t and usually take a few odd extra days in the holidays and we do things together then but it's so much better now than the primary school days.

This is what I was thinking! Even a coffee and a cake would be so embarrassing in town in case anyone saw him with me and his little sister!

I’m currently in the garden looking up at 13’s room and the curtains are shut and the windows closed but I can hear him online gaming and chatting to a friend.

can’t see 10 year olds room but I guess curtains are shut and she’s on the phone to a friend or making something. She will shortly come and tell me she’s bored though. We are out for the day tomorrow at the coast so that’ll be nice (and doubtful that the teen will see anyone he’s knows either 🤣)

I far prefer it now they are older. You need to adapt OP.

Ok, we aren't in each others pockets anymore but the activities we do are fantastic; walks, camping, swimming outdoors, coasteering, cycling...even the pub is a laugh with a meal followed by a chat and a game of cards.

The thought of sitting in a park/playdates/farms fills me with dread.

Yeah I probably do need to adapt but then I still have the 10 year old so she still likes the parks and things but not on her own so if no friends are about she doesn’t end up doing much now. I may book a meal out next week so we get some time altogether.

I understand. There's only a two and half year age gap between my two children. When they were little, they did everything together in school holidays...trips to park, soft play etc. My eldest is 14 now and my DD is 11, nearly 12...they are like two only children.

I do miss the days when they were younger and both loved going out and having fun as a family in the holidays.

It's nice that I don't have to organise everything anymore but they were actually fun times.

We are away at the moment and most of the time both DC are enjoying going out. Once we're home though it will be back to being in their rooms or out with friends.

I'll enjoy and treasure this holiday because I know next year may well not be the same.

I used to ask ds to give me just one day a week in the holidays to do something together and it gave me something to look forward to and didn't feel too onerous for him. Managed to keep this up until he was 18 and it kept us close. Sometimes it was a proper day out, other times cinema/bike ride/lunch

DS is 18 and off to uni in September, we've managed two meals at home together since he finished his A-levels (having previously always eaten together)

I'm a mixture of sad and excited, but can never quite get over the sense of disappointment when I suggest a trip out and he's got work, band practice, meeting friends, going to the pub etc.

OTOH, seeing how his life was so severely curtailed during lockdown I'm thrilled that he's finally able to have a decent summer.

As @weekendninja says, the older they get the more fun they actually are. You just need to adapt your expectations 🙂

How about a game of cards after dinner? I find when there is a feeling of distance at home a few games and we are right back into communicating.

Google the game shithead - despite the name it's an excellent family game.