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Original poster

Extreme anxiety in 7yo

10 replies

Twilightsparkly · 05/08/2022 15:52

Hi all, this is actually my dsd but not step parent related, just after some advice.

My dsd turns 8 in December, I'd say in the last year or so she has developed extreme anxiety over the smallest of things, she refuses to play out anymore, when we go to a park/soft play she won't go off and play like she used to unless an adult is present, when we go shopping she won't walk infront of us always has to be directly beside us, anything to do with insects she is terrified of. For example there was a moth in the bathroom yesterday, had to go somewhere else to use the loo and still hasn't used the loo today although there is nothing in the bathroom now. Won't go out with grandparents or any other member of the family, won't go to their house, she agrees initially but when the times comes gets extremely upset in tears. The list is endless. She hasn't experienced any trauma, the only idea we've got for this behaviour is a "stranger danger" chat her mum had with her a while ago, kidnapping was mentioned and seems to have scared her to death.

She is currently undergoing tests for autism, just wanted to see if anyone has been through anything similar, does it sound like autism or just a phase?

Thank you

OP posts:
AliceS1994 · 05/08/2022 16:32

Any changes in household, new siblings, change of house etc? This is often a trigger for a kind of social regression to a more dependent 'baby-like' attachment to caregivers. Just a suggestion, as you said youre not sure where the behaviour came from?

(I work in CAMHS)

Original poster
Twilightsparkly · 05/08/2022 16:42

AliceS1994 · 05/08/2022 16:32

Any changes in household, new siblings, change of house etc? This is often a trigger for a kind of social regression to a more dependent 'baby-like' attachment to caregivers. Just a suggestion, as you said youre not sure where the behaviour came from?

(I work in CAMHS)

That's interesting as me and her dad have had a baby, she is 16mo old now, could this possible be a reason?

She loves coming to stay at our house, me and her particularly have a good relationship so never thought this to be an issue as she has always been included etc never really shows any form of jealously that I am aware of anyway!

Thank you for the reply x

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 05/08/2022 18:21

The autism tests may well tell you the reason for all of this.

At age 8 a child is becoming more aware of the dangers of the world - extreme weather, kidnapping, etc. She's starting to see herself as a person totally separate from her parents and is leaving the stage where the reality inside her own head is the only important one. It can be hard to come to grips with your own small size and powerlessness in relation to the big things that happen in the real world when you're just emerging into it.

An 8 year old is also hearing hints of events that are hard to understand. Theres covid, war in Ukraine, climate change, economic uncertainty, rising cost of living.

An anxious child can benefit from a parent mentioning the good in the world and all the good people out there. It might be an idea to get her thinking about all the helping professions, all the ways people can make a diffetence, no matter how young they are.

If there's a flood, focus on the rescuers. If there's a war, focus on the people taking in refugees, if there's a disappeared child, focus on the people out combing the area looking for her.
Emphasise that there are good people ready to jump in and help. There's an old TV show from the US called Mr Roger's Neighborhood which addresses this - 'look for the helpers' was his sound advice. There's probably a segment on YouTube

Try to limit DSD's exposure to the news. Try to stop remarks about bills and other adult concerns while she's awake or present.

Try to draw her out on the topic of kidnapping. There may well be something in what was said to her thst's really troubling her. Emphasise that people are ready to help if she's ever in trouble - talk about who she could go to for help, strategies she can use to escape rather than the message that there are baddies out there trying to hurt her.

When it comes to things like moths, take a look at some library books so she can start understanding elements of nature that are not all sunshine and roses. But also, be aware that a child with autism can become very stuck in fear mode. You may well need to learn specific strategies even if there isn't a clear-cut diagnosis.

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mathanxiety · 05/08/2022 18:30

Wrt the YouTube segment - look for Mr Roger's Neighborhood advice on anxiety in children. I'll try to find a link and post it.

TeenDivided · 05/08/2022 18:37

You say 'she hasn't been through trauma' but her parents live separately and she has lived through the pandemic with all the messages about germs flying through the air unseen etc.

I agree keep her away from the news.

See if school can get help for her in Sept, or look at some private help. You could try GP referral to CAMHS but I wouldn't hold your breath

Original poster
Twilightsparkly · 05/08/2022 18:55

TeenDivided · 05/08/2022 18:37

You say 'she hasn't been through trauma' but her parents live separately and she has lived through the pandemic with all the messages about germs flying through the air unseen etc.

I agree keep her away from the news.

See if school can get help for her in Sept, or look at some private help. You could try GP referral to CAMHS but I wouldn't hold your breath

Yes I understand why this would come to mind however me and her dad have been together for quite some time and she loves her new sibling, loves coming to our house and we both have a great relationship.

But yes will definitely be taking on the advice of keeping her away from the news, school is already involved she is undergoing assessments with all possible agencies at this moment in time x

OP posts:
Original poster
Twilightsparkly · 05/08/2022 18:56

mathanxiety · 05/08/2022 18:30

Wrt the YouTube segment - look for Mr Roger's Neighborhood advice on anxiety in children. I'll try to find a link and post it.

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Twilightsparkly · 05/08/2022 18:56

mathanxiety · 05/08/2022 18:21

The autism tests may well tell you the reason for all of this.

At age 8 a child is becoming more aware of the dangers of the world - extreme weather, kidnapping, etc. She's starting to see herself as a person totally separate from her parents and is leaving the stage where the reality inside her own head is the only important one. It can be hard to come to grips with your own small size and powerlessness in relation to the big things that happen in the real world when you're just emerging into it.

An 8 year old is also hearing hints of events that are hard to understand. Theres covid, war in Ukraine, climate change, economic uncertainty, rising cost of living.

An anxious child can benefit from a parent mentioning the good in the world and all the good people out there. It might be an idea to get her thinking about all the helping professions, all the ways people can make a diffetence, no matter how young they are.

If there's a flood, focus on the rescuers. If there's a war, focus on the people taking in refugees, if there's a disappeared child, focus on the people out combing the area looking for her.
Emphasise that there are good people ready to jump in and help. There's an old TV show from the US called Mr Roger's Neighborhood which addresses this - 'look for the helpers' was his sound advice. There's probably a segment on YouTube

Try to limit DSD's exposure to the news. Try to stop remarks about bills and other adult concerns while she's awake or present.

Try to draw her out on the topic of kidnapping. There may well be something in what was said to her thst's really troubling her. Emphasise that people are ready to help if she's ever in trouble - talk about who she could go to for help, strategies she can use to escape rather than the message that there are baddies out there trying to hurt her.

When it comes to things like moths, take a look at some library books so she can start understanding elements of nature that are not all sunshine and roses. But also, be aware that a child with autism can become very stuck in fear mode. You may well need to learn specific strategies even if there isn't a clear-cut diagnosis.

Great advice thank you so much x

OP posts:
Strawblue · 05/08/2022 23:09

While you are waiting for the autism assessment you could perhaps see if her school runs the ELSA programme, which is designed to support pupils who are experiencing emotional and anxiety issues etc (sorry, can’t work out how to link).

My DS(7) was exhibiting anxiety and low self-confidence and he has been doing this for several months now where he has weekly 1-to-1 with a HLTA at school. I understand that they chat about how he’s feeling, play games, draw, do writing about feelings, and have given him the tools to deal with his feelings and has boosted his confidence enormously. Of course this may be of no use/wrong strategy if your DSD has autism but it could be worth looking into.

BishFish · 05/08/2022 23:21

My DD has a diagnosis of autism and that is what I thought of when I read your post, before I got to the part where you said she is already being assessed. My daughter was 8 when she really started to struggle, and anxiety was the most obvious issue. She was diagnosed at 9.

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